Immortally Yours (2009)

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

This story has more twists and turns than a second-rate soap opera.

It's easily one of the freshest, sharpest and most enjoyable films of this year.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Okay, I love vampire movies. Among my favourites are We Are The Night, Nosferatu, Blade and the Lugossi Dracula. My expectations of this film were actually already on a low set and yet, somehow, it got worse.Now before I go down the plot, there are about 3 or 4 of them in this movie so please tell me if this gets too much.PLOT 1: A vampire named Alex falls in love with a girl named Estelle. You know, the basic Twilight bullshit although, to be fair, Twilight was a more believable romance with these two only ever seen having a date once and the guy saying "I want to be your knight in shining armor."PLOT 2: A group called the Illuminati are trying to achieve ultimate power and control all the crime in the city and have more influence than the President who are also working on a way to make someone immortal.PLOT 3: A vampire hunter is called in by the cops because he was highly recommended (thats a taste of the writing there, people) to help take down the vampires after seeing them at a club but they all got away via teleportation.PLOT 4: A man who works for the Illuminati tries to handle a shipment of cocaine and its up to the police to stop him.Now onto my complaints about this movie, it has way too much story! Do I even need to explain why thats the case with this movie? The writing is beyond pathetic. I mean listen to this scenario, a full grown woman tells her father, who is trying to find a way to become immortal, that her boyfriend who she's madly in love with is a vampire and wishes to help him if he gives the vampire a normal life. If anyone seriously said that story to you, you'd send them to a mental ward. This father? He believes her after just 3 seconds.How about something as simple as the vampire's powers? In a far superior action vampire movie, Underworld, do you think that the vampires would be able to take down a squad of police? Not in this movie! All they do is roar and stand there while the police shoot them. That makes the enemy AI from Assassin's Creed look like Albert Einstein!Well despite those flaws with others such as horrible acting and "its boring" being thrown into the mix, perhaps the scale of this indie film can show some light. Nope. The editing in this film is the worst I've ever seen in my life. The opening sequence goes like this; a man runs away from an invisible opponent and is attacked, cut to a rich family going to the opera, cut to the guy running away pulling himself over a wall with a bloody face and is only pulled back again, cut to the opera where the vampire and the woman first meet, cut to a guy who chases after a woman (who you never see again) he shoots guys who try to protect her and he supposedly attacks her and cut to the opera again when it just ends. Did any of that flow in an organic rhythm? Thats the editing that plays in the first few minutes of this film and mostly the same style throughout the entire film. How about cinematography? Lighting? etc. These are the only things I come even close to praising; it looks like something out of a porno.Do I recommend this? Yes. To the governments of the world. This film should be used as an interrogation device against enemies. I guarantee you'll have a confession within 20 minutes. If you're a dictator that wants to uphold balance, play this movie as a punishment. If you are a scientist, study this film for me. What made it? If you are a priest of any religion, exorcise the demons inside it from the world. Have I made it clear I don't like this film yet?

This definitely was the worst vampire film ever made! I regret wasting 100 minutes watching this. It was absolutely ridiculous! From the beginning I felt like I'm watching an amateur's attempt to record a film with his personal camera. The close-ups where extremely bad, creating awkward moments (and I'm referring here to the glances exchange - Katherine Hawkes looking rather dumb than inducing the 'love-at-first-sight' feeling).The first close-up with the vampire at the opera was anything but mysterious. I remember thinking: "What the f...? Who has a lamp behind him at the opera?" I am sorry for the actors, I haven't heard much of them, but their acting skills are pretty low.Another thing that I noticed was that they skipped from one scene to another and at first, it was hard to follow the story (or maybe I was too tired to try to understand what was the director's point): from the incident at the opera to a couple of men in a car talking about a character not yet introduced and ending with the disclosure of the romantic relationship between the two cops.Of all vampire embodiments, this one was the worst. All the hissing, the roaring... were they vampires or wolves, for God sake's? At the club, when Alex is trying not to join his companions at the feast, he was looking like his dental prosthesis was falling. All the feasting scenes are awful. Why are they lifting their heads, howling at the moon? And although they were biting the victims entire bodies, the wounds where only on their necks.They wanted to present the concept of a vampire in another way (with the virus and stuff), but they were totally unsuccessful. It's a shame this movie saw the light of day.Very bad plot, dialogs, special effects, action sequences and the list can go on. From my perspective, as a vampire film fan and as an inhabitant of the country where the legend of Dracula started, this so called film does not worth any of your time.

Yeah, I guess I can see why the lead vampire wanted his eternal life to end. This movie was an eternity, and I couldn't wait for it to end.Okay, the plot is essentially that there is a group of Illuminati who are trying to live forever by harvesting the organs of strangers and dealing drugs. You have a group of vampires who are running around parks and nightclubs picking off victims. You have some cops trying to catch both. You have a scientist trying to discover the cause of immortality, and his manish looking daughter who can't act and has a blank look on her face most of the movie. You have a EuroTrash vampire hunter who helps the cops kill most of the lead vampire's posse (makingyou wonder what their purpose was in the film to start with.) The only actor I recognized was the midget, because i've seen him in other movies. He was actually a better actor than the rest of them, but that isn't saying much.

The leader of the vampires wants to become mortal so he can love his girl, the rest of the vampires want to keep on killing people, the Illuminati want to become immortal and rule the world, the vampire hunter kills the vampires, the police want to catch the Illuminati! Wow, a whole bunch of stuff going on in this one! I like the many subplots that make this an interesting movie and unusual. This is going to be a cult classic for sure and it should have a sequel to it with Alex and Estelle getting entangled with a different group of vampires so he has to defeat another clan. This movie brings a whole new universe of thinking to the regular vampire movies. This was relatively blood free but has a old style tension that keeps you edgy and wondering what's going to happen next.