Near Death (2004)

I love this movie so much

Truly Dreadful Film

Absolutely brilliant

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

To quote the late Roger Ebert from his review of I spit on your Grave. Near death is "a vile bag of garbage, shameful utterly worthless trash, if it isn't the worst movie I've ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful" After the first idiotic bimbo is murdered, in the first five minutes, her cleavage being the only thing worth seeing, the rest of the movie dies with her. even by the standards of straight to the shelf low budget horror flicks this is the bottom of the barrel. Stupid boring and incoherent. I think the idea was that this movie was making fun of itself, but it doesn't come across that way. The camera work is murky, the audio is muddled, the make up and effects have less creativity than your garden variety kindergarten puppet show. Just awful.

Yes, that's how far I got into this movie before I thought to myself, "What on earth am I doing? I could be watching stoplights change!" And yes folks, I can say, without even a hint of sarcasm, that I would prefer to watch a stoplight change for 85 minutes than any of this "film".As most of the other reviewers have already mentioned, the acting was on a par with that typically found in a 4th grade Christmas pageant. The special effects... well what can I say about those? I've seen more convincing special effects in soap operas and more realistic gore in comic books.Some horrifically bad movies are fun to watch just because it's fun to laugh at how bad they are. For some reason, this one falls flat in that department, just as it does in every other. I can not think of any reason to watch this movie.

And I have no friends because I watch crappy movies like this. Come on people, this movie is awesome! The opening scene is classic. Sure, the special effects in this movie are bad, but the gore is still pretty damn good. Lots of blood, gut-eating, although the plot is very weak and the acting is pretty bad. This is a huge HUGE improvement over Terror Toons (2002). Even though I liked Terror Toons, that is an awful, awful film. This one is slightly better. The acting is a little better, and the gore is a lot better. This is pretty watchable. I also got this for free, and it is worth free. If you like low budget movies with decent gore, bad acting, bad CGI effects, dumb plots, and one hottie who never gets naked, you will probably find Near Death a stunning and fun experience. Check it out, only 3 bucks in many stores.

Near Death has all the elements of a straight-to-video movie: Hot guys, hot girls, lots of blood, good visuals, and plenty of scares. The actors are great, except there is one girl who is so bad that she sounds like a robot when she talks. It starts with these kids in a car out on the highway looking for a haunted mansion. They have a map and they argue a lot. When they finally find the place, they have an encounter with a team of ghosts. One of the girls falls in love with a ghost and is turned to the dark side. A bunch of people get butchered, and the two leads end up taking a shower together....hot!! The ghosts have to fight for their own survival, and you find out the secret of the movie, which is actually pretty trippy. I watched it again this morning.