Nowhere Man (2005)

Waste of time

A Major Disappointment

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

You don't usually expect a lot from a "B" movie, but this does have the Queen of Horror, Debbie Rochon, and Lloyd Kaufman, one of the founders of Troma.Conrad (Michael Rodrick) finds out that the love of his life, Jennifer (Rochon) has a sordid past. When he breaks it off, she breaks it off - literally! So, he has to find her and it. What a story.You are not going to find great acting or fantastic sets or much of anything here except a few laughs and a fantastic look at Debbie. Maybe you want more, but maybe this is all you need to get you through the night.

*********************SEVERE SPOILERS AHEAD.**************************Basically this movie, is about a macho guy turned vigilante trying to find his ex-girlfriend who cut off his penis within 24 hours or so (she has it on ice) so he can get it surgically reattached, then we find through flashbacks that he was treating his girlfriend awful, after he found out she was in a couple porno's, and then eventually rapes her, and then she cuts off his dick while he's sleeping. In the end, She holds his dick for ransom, he promises to pay ransom, when he doesn't have it, she sets his dick on fire in front of him. The END. Okay the acting was good for the most part, if not a little overly intense. The problem with the movie is, firstly, it tries to play this movie straight, like a paranoid action-thriller in an "Hardcore", "8mm" "Ransom" type of way, except it's his penis he's trying to rescue. Sound funny, they play it so straight that there's no laughs. They never get campy once, they want to be ironic but with no irony in the script other than the concept, it's boring, pretentious and ridiculously over serious. Also, it's clumsily edited together like they didn't have enough coverage or know how to edit well, and a lot of the shots are pretty boring and I'm not talking about the fact it's DV but that they're poorly composed, and there is nothing interesting in the sets either. Also, the music is atrocious, and poorly fits the movie. Then ten minutes after we watch an intense rape scene, the movie has it's finale with the penis being set on fire and the man crying out, and then we receive 8 minutes of unfunny blooper footage mixed in with the credits, with a super crappy upbeat song, what the hell were they thinking?! Total train-wreck, like trying to make a fart joke melodramatic.

Description: Conrad, our hero, must retrieve his beloved 'member' within 24 hours so that it can be surgically re-attached, and… Well, you get the idea. You probably know now whether you're interested in seeing this little flic or not. If you are, you're in for a surprising treat, because writer/director McAnn serves up this no budget gem with a dose of spicy black humor; but the real kudos go to actor Michael Rodrik (who is this guy?) who steams his way through one of the darkest psychic tunnels an actor ever had to go through, and does so with alarming gusto. Some viewers will get their panties twisted over the lewd (and I do mean lewd) subject matter; but hey, that's how I feel about romantic comedies, so different strokes, right? Hopefully this flic will not be buried amid the tons of crappy video sensationalism. Whoever released it deserves some credit for having the courage to do so. Two thumbs up!

A pitch-black dark comedy about the consequences of your actions. The acting could not be better - those familiar only with Debbie Rochon's comedy-horror roles are going to be stunned by the depth of her performance. The structure of the story ensures that the viewer works to grasp the levels of the narrative. It's just an outstanding, grim and gritty movie. Not for the squeamish, insecure men or anyone lacking a sense of humor.