Tank Battalion (1958)

The Worst Film Ever

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

This is a gorgeous movie made by a gorgeous spirit.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

(Spoiler)...I am prejudice because the star is my father and I knew Majorie Helen (now Leslie Parrish), as a young child....the budget for this movie did not allow for a lot of things. Even so, the actors did pretty good job with all the clichés and lack of production funds. Funds were so slight that the actors portraying Koreans had to double and triple their roles. I knew, when I saw it as an adult, that the moment an actor saluted an empty jeep, this would a be a "doozy." As a side, I thought Kelly and Helen had good chemistry (actually, I am sure of it, but that's an another story). The production team rented a tank. Used a set on the Republic lot, and did the best they could with what they had. as for the actors, Kelly was already known from television roles and changed his stage name to "O'Kelly" not soon afterward. This is the last movie for Marjorie Helen before she changed her name (I believe). Frank Gorshin was introduced as an actor. A fun piece of nostalgia. Watch it for what it is and have a laugh.

The Korean war is the setting for this minimized action film that opens up with the leads in a tank but soon switches to the kissing rock as the three tank men all find romance as war slowly creeps up on them. I must say, I hadn't expected to find a film with Edward G. Robinson Jr. in it, and frankly, I didn't even think about it while watching this, never once hearing "n'ya" or "see?". I did, however, recognize future Riddler Frank Gorshin as one of the men, and was particularly enthralled by stage and soap veteran BarBara Luna. She's quite memorable as a misunderstood bar girl, as sultry as "West Side Story's" Anita, a role she played a decade later at Lincoln Center.This doesn't really deal with war related issues until more than half into the film's length. That's when a Korean soldier invades the camp, searching for medication, but really not much else happens. In spite of that, I actually enjoyed this very much, although it is obvious to me that this was made for the drive-in crowd and little regard was put into a serious war plot. Regina Gleason and Leslie Parrish pale in comparison to Luna who looks on befuddled as her innocent beau tells her about his home in Wisconsin, referring to it as "Brooklyn with cows".

**SPOILERS** Despite its meager budget this little war drama from AIP Studios is not that bad at all. In it a tank crew is sent out to engage the enemy North Koreans in a major push towards the 38th parallel. As the tank and its crew are advancing towards the front line they get bogged down in a commie ambush just when the big offensive, code name Spider, is about to take place. With the tank disabled by a commie grenade the crew headed by Sgt. Bard Dunne, Don Kelly, are sitting ducks as the North Koreans throw everything that they got at them. It's up to Sgt. Dunne to make it back to base and get a piece of equipment to start the tank up for him to be able to save his man before nightfall arrives. That's when the North Koreans plan to make their final assault with artillery small arms as well as flame throwers that would put the tank and its four man crew out of action. The film limps along for almost an hour before the action starts with a number of boring subplots. There's also a North Korean raid on the base in order for them to get their hands on desperately needed arms and ammo from the US Army. It's then that were introduced to the tankers who are to later put their lives on the line in what is said to be, involving about two dozen North Korean troops and one US Army tank, the biggest US counter offensive in the Korean War! Interesting lineup of US servicemen that includes the youngest of the quartet the baby-faced Pfc. Danny Collins played by Robert Paget who's so young looking that he can easily pass for Bonanza's Little Joe's kid brother. There's also E.G Robinson Jr as Cpl. Corbett as the tank driver who has no use for Danny who puts him down for his ultra macho and sexist opinions about the opposite sex. And finally there's the future Batman TV series Joker Frank Gorshin as the wise cracking tank machine gunner Pfc. Skids Madigan who takes time during the first half of the movie to break the ice by doing what seems like an ad-lib James Cagney imitation.The film is saved by a number of great stock footage action scenes as well as the final showdown between the US Army tank and the North Korean troops that more then makes up for most of it boring storyline. Which includes a number of listless love scenes between the tank boys with US Army nurses Norma "Big Red" O'Brian, Regina Gleason, Alice Brent, Lesie Perrish, and that 18 year old Eurasian singing sensation Nikko played by the shapely Barbara Luna.P.S Even though he's barley seen in the film Tetsu Komai makes the most of his screen appearance in a comic relief roll as Nikko's press agent and employer "Egg Charlie".

My little old 12 year old self and my two younger brothers*, Jim Ryan (7 years old) and Bob Ryan (6 years old)saw this TANK BATTALION at the old Ogden Theatre, near 63rd & Ashland in Chicago. It was on a Double Bill along with another American-International Pictures' Classic, HELL SQUAD (also 1958).**During that period, we were gobbling up any thing involving The Armed Forces, World War II and Korea.We all built model airplanes, model tanks & half-tracks, any thing Army. We also put together numbers like the U.S.S. Missouri and the Nautilas (the Navy's, not Walt Disney's!).We would frequently stop in to our local Army, Navy, Coast Guard, Air Force and Marine Recruiting offices and mooch any hand out recruiting literature that they had. They always obliged and were very friendly and courteous.On Television during that period, we had several programs on the Networks and in Syndication that had military themes. We can recall: The Silent Service, Citizen Soldier, Steve Canyon, Navy Log and even Phil Silvers as SGT. BILKO. Others followed in the years to come.What all the preceding reminiscing was about was to set up the following evaluation of TANK BATALLION.We knew that TANK BATTALION was a cheapie. It was an Independent Production, released by American-International. It was intended, you can be sure, to be part of those multi picture programs not watched at the local "Passion Pits",aka Drive-In Movies.It did, however, provide an afternoon's fun for the kids in the neighborhood. And, though probably completely overlooked is that a movie, any movie can have a good effect on young minds, as long as it isn't too "adult". What gives it value is a certain relation to Real Historical Events. Even if it is only a passing reference or the mentioning of some actual Battle, it has a certain value.But what we remembered most was one of the Actors featured as a member of the Tank's Crew. (sure was a small Battalion!) He had the nickname of "Skids", and he was always amusing the crew with Movie Star Impersonations. We really liked his James Cagney! It was all 'Thumbs Up" from us that day.Well, this was the first time for our seeing this "Skids" guy, but he surely had a real talent and was so gifted as to rise far above this schlock film. His name was Frank Gorshin.We were privileged a number of years later to meet Mr. Gorshin. The first time was at a special Batman TV Show Convention, commemorating the Series' 30th Anniversary.(it was in Summer of 1995, a little early but...).The Second time, we saw him at a Bud Courts' Hollywood Collectibles Show also here in Chicago. It was at this time we got to talk much more with him. We found him to be warm, friendly and very courteous and personable to his many fans. He had just finished a one man show engagement as George Burns, a production that we regrettably did not see. But it got really good reviews.It was probably one of his last public performances, this George Burns thing. Sadly, he passed away not too long afterwords, and not that long ago. We will long remember him as a 'regular' guy as much for his filmed and record work. The sight of him on that Saturday, dressed ever so casually, wearing his Pittsburgh Pirates cap. He confessed to still being that Pittsburgh kid,his moods rising and falling with the fortune of the 'Bucs'.* No, not those Younger Brothers, contemporaries of Jesse James! I meant my younger brothers.** It wasn't long that pictures like this would be shown on television. Now, I swear! My right hand to God! HELL SQUAD was on one of our local TV Stations within 6 months of our seeing it at the show! Honest Injun! Cross My Heart and hope to die! It's the truth.