Attack Girls' Swim Team Versus the Undead (2007)

Wow! Such a good movie.

Thanks for the memories!

How sad is this?

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

Aki is a new student at the school where this movie takes place. She meets another student who has similar body marks as she does(a bruise above the breast, a mole behind the ear)and the two become fast friends. There's supposedly a virus outbreak and the students(and faculty)are being injected with what they were told to be a vaccination, which turns out to be anything but. Essentially, ATTACK GIRLS' TEAM VS. THE UNDEAD is a "rabid virus let loose inside a school" flick where those infected go berserk attacking the ones who haven't been subjected to the effects this plague entails. The usual hacked off limbs, blood spray, and butchery occur as the viral humans go on a killing spree. Toes are cut away with scissors, rulers(a math teacher goes to town on his class)chop off body parts, a skull is stabbed into with the brain removed, a chainsaw burrowing through a student, etc.For some reason the swim team isn't infected and it might have something to do with the pool. We learn that not only does Aki have an aversion towards water(and the reasons why are elaborated on), she was trained as an assassin by a mad scientist known for his skills at creating viruses and human modification experiments..the movie that keeps on giving! While as a horror movie(or zombie action comedy, if you prefer)I wasn't exactly blown away, as a piece of erotica, it worked exceptionally well because ATTACK GIRLS' TEAM VS. THE UNDEAD's lead, Sasa Handa, is a Japanese bombshell. There's a shower scene that had my heart beating a mile a minute, and this incredible masturbation sequence where she can not contain her orgasmic reaction towards flute music is just dandy. But it's Handa's lesbian scene with Yuria Hidaka, and the little moments which lead up to it, that really sent yours truly into harmonious bliss. There's also included a passionate sex scene where Aki calls for the mad scientist to pop her cherry after the flute music has her wrapped in a frenzy. Either naked or in a "speeda" swim suit, Handa is a masturbatory maiden worthy of my drooling gaze. This movie is certainly what I'd call "titillation material". The violence(the gore)is rather disappointing, cheap, with the director forced into pulling away when a blade is slicing flesh or a cinder block bashes which bashes a face in. Director Kôji Kawano tries to make up for the film's shortcomings with camera angles shooting up school girls' dresses, peeping upward at white panties.

If you love movies with bizarre scripts, zombies, some nudity, a weak lesbian love scene, a girls swim team and a guy who plays a flute while a girl fondles herself and then gets raped by him -- This is the movie for you.The high school has been infected by a 'popular' virus as opposed to those unpopular viruses nobody likes. The antidote is brought by a medical team-- which is really the evil master looking for his trainee that has escaped his clutches. There is a serum for the students and there is a special vial for the teachers.Everyone takes the serum, except the two main girls. Then everyone starts to become zombies, except the two girls and the swim team -- the disinfectant in the pool (chlorine???) has made them immune to the zombie-virus.While hiding from the zombies, the two girls start talking about the swim competition that's tomorrow. I know when I'm being hunted by zombies, I often talk about sporting events that are coming up. Then they have lesbian-sex. I know that when I'm being hunted by zombies I have...wait...I'm a guy, never mind.The scene in the classroom where the math teacher slices up his non-zombie students with meter sticks, while his zombie students feed upon the non-zombie students is just too weird. The zombie female teacher who speaks some English is also just too weird as she kills with a machete.The main character is a water warrior master who has escaped her master so that she can live a life like all high school seniors her age. We learn she is a new student at the school about 10 minutes into the movie, which makes the ending even more confusing.The scene with the rape-master and his flute is laughable. He plays his flute while his 'slave' fondles her genitals...she does moan and squeal well, but that's about it. Then he has sex with her.If you think this review was disjointed, the movie is 100x more so. It's funny in places and just twisted and bizarre in others. There's enough to laugh at and enough to say "What?" and "Huh?" to make it better than 2 stars

Shot on video film about a girls swim team that is forced to battle flesh eating zombies when a new "popular" virus that is spread by people who don't wash their hands begins running rampant in the school.This is nothing but zombies and cute Japanese girls in and out of swimsuits. There is a great deal of blood, violence and gratuitous nudity and very little in the way of plot. I dare you to try to come up with anything to say about it other than it is exactly what it is, there is no attempt to be deep and meaningful just chicks and chomps. I think I've found one of the few films that defies criticism except if you're offended by this sort of thing. I don't know if its good or if its bad, but it as niche as you can go.

Lately I've been watching some movies with some great titles: The Boy Who Cried Bitch, Chafed Elbows and Human Snot Tissue. But they may have all been bested by the one I saw last night. The Girl Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers. A mouthful, but also a great damn name for a movie. Too bad that the name and some nudity is the only thing going for it.The story revolves around a virus of sorts that is turning all the non-swimmers at the school into zombies. Some talkative, some not. Actually, the teachers talk and the students don't, when they're zombified. Anywho, throw in a mysterious new girl and a back-story with her and some mad doctor and you have the flick.The story doesn't sound that bad right? Well, the story isn't the bad part, it's pretty creative. But damn, like Chaos's review asks, how on Earth can they screw this type of movie up? I was expecting at least something on the level of Wild Zero/Meatball Machine type production values. But it's really just a completely amateurish flick. And surprisingly what hurt it most was the gore. It just sucked. Like the films I just mentioned, those flicks were weird/silly flicks but the gore looked good and you were amped to see more. But with this, I really didn't even want to watch any more scenes of gore. Because it looked that weak. I think they showed the same, awful-looking severed arm on three separate occasions. The writing and gore were just too damn amateurish to be given a pass.Though, the flick wasn't all bad, it had some nice nudity by the lead actress. She was very, very good looking and looked fantastic in even a one piece swimsuit. And her boobs, which I'd assume are fake (rare for Japanese girls) were really great looking. And the lesbo scene between her another swimmer was definitely attention worthy. Ahhhhtennnnhut!!Overall this flick was really a let-down. With a great title, some great shots of hot Asian chicks swimming it up, some lovely Japanese breasts and butt and a more than capable story, the film definitely had potential. But with such a strong amateurish feel, some bad writing (far too much melodrama) and completely unimpressive gore effects the movie relies solely on scenes of nudity. Which isn't good if you're watching a flick called The Girl REBEL FORCE of Competitive Swimmers. Look instead for Machine Girl or the highly anticipated Tokyo Gore Police for some whacked out Asian craziness.