Crash Landing (2006)

Such a frustrating disappointment

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

Best movie ever!

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

...and that's about it. From the rank insignia of the army guys which are turned sideways to the General chatting with an island in the south Pacific with a VHF walkie talkie from his living room, there's no way this movie is meant to be taken seriously. The farcical notion that one guy could own an entire airline and still be rich is pure LOL material. Curling irons which come with 20 foot power cords, airplane graphics right out of Flightsim 2k if not FS98, a 747 which can be landed on a soggy dirt runway, every dogface knowing how to land a 747 better than a real pilot, the idea that four guys could build 300 feet of runway in an hour, bulletproof galley carts and bulkheads and lav doors, there's no way you can take this movie seriously.If you don't you might enjoy it. There's plenty of cute girls, guns, suspense and shootouts. And a boy meets girl, girl hates his guts but comes to get the hots for him subplot. With lines like 'How many bullets do you have? Six. But there's five of them! It never hurts to bring a spare.' and morbide but funny exchanges between a coroner and a cop, you have to know this is not meant to be quality entertainment.This is just some mindless way to kill some time, meant for a younger audience i.e. my kids, not me. Still I enjoyed it, just not enough to give it too much of a score and I don't think it was meant to be rated very high.P.S. A slip is where you cross control the ailerons and rudder to lose altitude quickly. Crabbing is what you do to correct in a crosswind. Just a tip in case you are ever stationed on a south Pacific island, building a runway in a hurricane and need to tell a pilot how to land a 747 full of spoiled, rich hotties.I bestow 4/10

God, does Jim Wynorski have a decent film in him? And why do I watch his films? Why do I in fact own some of his films on DVD? Maybe because they are so bad, they are fun to watch -- with one eye closed. This time around, an actor with a dazed expression, permanently wrinkled forehead and absolutely no acting ability named Antonio Sabato Jr. (I love the "Jr." part) plays a special forces type named Major John Masters assigned to keep an eye on some billionaire's bubbled-headed daughter on a vacation flight. A sorry-looking group of terrorists take over the flight so they can ransom the daughter. Masters plays cat and mouse with them, just like Bruce Willis did in DIE HARD and Andy "Wishmaster" Divoff did in INTERCEPTOR. On the ground, we see the nervous billionaire and a general who spends the entire film in his undies, as he has been awakened at home to deal with the crisis. Played by old-time TV actors Kevin Dobson and John Beck, all these two guys do is stand around and spout bad dialogue. So does Michael Pare, given costar status as a Marine in charge of an atoll. He and his grunts are ordered by the general to lengthen their runway, in the middle of a "Force 3" hurricane, to allow the now-damaged plane to land (guess who's flying it). The wooden-faced Pare, once something of an action star, has the single best line in the movie, when he yells to his boys to go out and extend that runway, come hell or high water. They proceed to slowly get into these tiny earthmovers that go about 2 mph. It is hysterical and an absolute highlight of the movie. Another funny moment has the plane's passengers sliding down the emergency slide of the now-landed plane. The pilot was shot by one of the now-dead terrorists and requires a stretcher, which Sabato at least remembers to ask for before deplaning with the girl, now his amour, leaving the wounded pilot and a premed student on board. Sabato and the girl walk off camera, with Pare and his men right behind them -- and no stretcher in sight. The End. The fights during the flight are clumsily staged, in case you were wondering. Last but not least, you have never seen a jumbo jet like this, assuming you know anything about jets. Parts of it seem more like rooms in someone's estate. The CGI isn't bad, if obvious. A must-see for those who love really bad movies. Wynorski has been making films for 30 years, and each new one seems like his first. He is the Uwe Boll of STV.

I have seen three other movies that are worse than this one, "Plan 9 from Outerspace", "Side Hackers" and the dreaded "Blair Witch Project" There are so many technical errors in this movie that regardless of a decent plot the movie just isn't believable.Let's start with an AMTRAK train with no skirts or handrails between cars. The killer walks up behind his victim as she moves from car to car and just pushes her off the train.In one scene a killer sneaks into a woman's apartment. He wants to sneak up on the woman to kill her, so what does he do? He turns up her stereo! If I heard my stereo suddenly get louder I'd be concerned. He kills the women by throwing an electric hair curler into the tub. I was amazed to see that an electric hair curler with a five foot cord could be tossed ten feet and remain plugged in. Plus the apartment looked modern enough to have ground fault outlets in the bathroom and the victim was still electrocuted.The Boeing 747 is one of the most well known commercial airliners on the planet so this part really amazed me. First the cockpit was not even close to a real 747 and second it wasn't on the top deck of the plane. I watched in utter amazement as the pilot and co-pilot (Where was the flight engineer?) walked right past the spiral staircase and headed forward toward's the nose of the airplane.I was also amazed that bullets wouldn't penetrate an aluminum serving cart (good thing for our hero), or bathroom doors, but would penetrate the ceiling causing a fuel leak that exited through a small hole in the fuselage. Huh? Watching three guys lengthen a runway by 100 yards in less than a week was pretty amazing as well.I didn't check, was this a movie of the week or something? It was terrible.

The idea that anyone could of concocted such a trite, cliché, yet indeliberately comical movie is shocking. The final 20 minutes of this film are comical glory; with six men digging enough trench in 10 minutes to light the runway with gasoline for a 747, while a supposed 'major' perfectly lands the 747 in a 110mph crosswind - leading one to question the misnomer of calling this movie CRASH LANDING...Some of the dialogue was equivalent to rubbing sandpaper in my ears, while the only aspect that saved this movie for a 1 was the plethora of attractive women filling the screen a large portion of the time. Not exactly a consolidation for this pathetic excuse of a movie, but my mute button finally received a workout.View at your own risk! 2 out of 10