The Colbert Report Season 9

Season finale.

Jon Stewart congratulates Stephen on his Emmys, Pope Francis speaks out on Catholic teachings, and Metallica presents its film, "Metallica: Through the Never.

Michelle Obama promotes H2O, Republicans regulate Obamacare navigators, Jihawg Ammo makes bacon bullets, and Jack Johnson shares his album, "From Here to Now to You.

Andrew Sullivan supports U.N. intervention in Syria, conservatives attack gun violence in video games, and Nicholson Baker shares his book, "Traveling Sprinkler.

Billionaires get left behind, Kanye West performs for Kazakhstan's controversial leader, Cheerios cashes in on death, and Arne Duncan endorses early education.

Stephen honors the Lehman Brothers, pundits criticize government "moochers," Miss America receives racist comments, and Andrew Bacevich shares his book, "Breach of Trust.

The New York Times prints Vladimir Putin's op-ed on Syria, Rep. Jim McDermott defends gay rights, and Philip Mudd shares his book, "Takedown: Inside the Hunt for Al Qaeda.

New York City holds the mayoral primary, Syria agrees to surrender its chemical weapons, Rand Paul flip-flops, and Sheryl Crow discusses her album, "Feels Like Home.

Americans oppose military action in Syria, Fox News dreams up "Super Reagan," Iowa grants gun permits to blind people, and Billie Jean King recalls the "Battle of the Sexes.

Ariel Castro commits suicide, kittens close down the NYC subway, Stephen assigns reading for cOlbert's Book Club, and John Prine shares his folk album, "The Missing Years.

Barack Obama endorses military action in Syria, The New Yorker's Steve Coll unpacks the president's decision, and meteorologist Gary England talks twisters.

Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad employs chemical weapons, The Daily Show gets Jon back, Rep. Dan Kildee promotes sugar beets, and Timothy Cardinal Dolan examines the papacy.

A rodeo clown wears an Obama mask, fracking companies put gag orders on families, Obama talks NSA transparency, and Professor Richard Brodhead promotes the humanities.

Russia's anti-gay laws affect Olympic athletes, Obama hires psychologists to "nudge" public opinion, and Kevin Spacey talks "House of Cards".

Mayor Mike Bloomberg defends New York's stop-and-frisk, the TSA expands its duties, and Congressman John Lewis chats about his graphic novel, "March".

The Today Show features twerking, Senator Rush Holt champions public education, and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse chats about his book, "On Virtues.

CNN's doctor switches his position on pot, Matt Damon comes to Stephen's rescue, Darrell Issa wants ocean waters named after Reagan, and Colum McCann talks "TransAtlantic.

Online critics bash StePhest Colbchella '013, union activist Mary Kay Henry supports fast-food strikers, the SEC comes down on a trader, and Ashton Kutcher talks "Jobs.

Daft Punk abandons StePhest Colbchella '013, Stephen angers his Hyundai sponsors, and "Blurred Lines" singer Robin Thicke saves Stephen's career.

The U.S. government warns of a looming terror threat somewhere, Alex Rodriguez gets suspended for doping, and Hugh Laurie shares his blues album, "Didn't It Rain".

Russia protects Edward Snowden, Mayor Bob Filner blames San Diego for his sexual misconduct, Gitmo prisoners read erotic romance, and Bryan Cranston talks meth and Malcolm.

Bradley Manning is found not guilty, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have lunch, Chris Christie and Rand Paul feud, and Emily Matchar shares the "new domesticity".

Surgeon and writer Atul Gawande discusses his New Yorker article "Slow Ideas."

FreedomWorks burns fake Obama insurance cards, North Carolina allows concealed weapons in bars, and the Lumineers share their self-titled debut album.

An MC crashes the royal birth, Detroit files for bankruptcy, Steve King incites Jorge Ramos, and Olympia Snowe shares her book, "Fighting for Common Ground".

The royal couple name their baby George, Anthony Weiner apologizes for his latest sexts, Kanye West designs a blank t-shirt, and Anant Agarwal discusses his nonprofit, edX.

The Prince of Wails is born, George Zimmerman helps a family in need, Barack Obama empathizes with black men, and poet Kenneth Goldsmith revisits seven U.S. tragedies.

Kate Middleton delivers her baby, Geraldo Rivera tweets a naked selfie, fast food workers protest the minimum wage, and Kjerstin Gruys examines body image issues.

Edward Snowden seeks asylum in Russia, San Diego's mayor faces sexual harassment charges, Eliot Spitzer runs for NYC comptroller, and Jeff Bridges shares his film, "R.I.P.D.

Rolling Stone features the Boston bombing suspect, Congress removes food stamps from the farm bill, and Jerry Seinfeld shares his series, "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

Britain prepares for the royal baby, George Zimmerman protestors sing instead of riot, NPR critiques multitaskers, and David Karp promises not to police Tumblr.

A Florida jury acquits George Zimmerman, Stephen inspects a SkyMiles scandal, Asiana Airlines sues KTVU over made-up pilot names, and Jeremy Scahill criticizes drone strikes.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg declares war on the 4th of July, the Senate enacts immigration reform, and Senator Chuck Schumer talks tattoos and gang signs.

Gay marriage gets a legal boost, Emily Bazelon analyzes the Supreme Court's decisions, and Bill Moyers chronicles the slow death of the American middle class.

The Supreme Court guts part of the Voting Rights Act, Brazilians protest government spending, and Peniel Joseph criticizes the Supreme Court's decision.

NSA leaker Edward Snowden goes missing, Darrell Issa probes the IRS, news becomes truthinews, the KKK engineers a laser, and Andrew Solomon defines "exceptional" children.

Iran replaces outgoing President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Rep. Steve King opposes chicken cage laws, Nestle markets to higher-income women, and Joss Whedon talks Shakespeare.

Stephen honors his late mother, Cap'n Crunch lies about his rank, house flipping makes a comeback, and the Postal Service discusses their electronic music.

The NSA builds a data compound, Paul McCartney describes his music career with The Beatles and Wings, and Michael Bloomberg's bike share "begrimes" New York.

NSA Wiretapping Scandal, Jeffrey Rosen on the Fourth Amendment, TSA Detains Chewbacca, Daniel Bergner, "What Do Women Want?".

The NSA whistleblower explains himself, violent protests break out in Turkey, missile launch officers dislike their jobs, and Dan Savage criticizes DOMA.

The Obama administration snoops on Verizon customers, Stephen becomes a spy, and Stephen King writes a musical with John Mellencamp and T Bone Burnett.

Superman gets a makeover, Laurie Garrett reviews Monsanto's wheat incident, the Chicago Sun-Times scraps photojournalism, and Jonathan Alter dissects the 2012 election.

The Report pays tribute to Michele Bachmann, NASA researches printable food, the IRS invests in line dancing, and Alex Gibney explores WikiLeaks.

Mark Pocan tempts Stephen with divorce, precision-guided guns promote skill-free killing, and John Dingell wants Congress to learn how to compromise.

Barack Obama addresses his usage of drones, Andrew Bacevich thinks war is bad, Pope Francis embraces atheists, and C.J. Chivers reports on Syrian rebels.

Lois Lerner won't spill the IRS scandal beans, Mitch McConnell endorses hemp, PBS appeases David Koch, and The National shares their album "Trouble Will Find Me.

Scientists solve the Irish potato famine mystery, pot boosts metabolism, Rep. Jeff Duncan plans to ban the census, and Noah Feldman describes the Cool War with China.

ABC's Jonathan Karl lies about the Benghazi scandal, Stephen applies for Tea Party tax exemption, and David Sassoon shares his e-book, "The Dilbit Disaster.

Congress peppers and grills Eric Holder, China seeks peace in the Middle East, a nonprofit provides access to printable guns, and Daniel Lieberman endorses toe shoes.

The UN describes bugs as "mini-livestock," Congresswoman Gwen Moore rides shotgun, and Cyndi Lauper outlines her Broadway musical, "Kinky Boots.

The House tries to repeal Obamacare again, an immigration study slams Hispanics, Maxim honors Miley Cyrus, and Dan Brown takes inspiration from Dante.

The Obama administration lies about Benghazi talking points, the IRS inspects Tea Party groups, and Jessica Buchanan and Erik Landemalm share their book, "Impossible Odds.

Carey Mulligan divulges a dark secret, Jennifer Egan discusses "The Great Gatsby"'s place in American letters, and Baz Luhrmann pays homage to F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Stephen's sister loses her run for Congress, Republicans spite Obama, parents forego diapers, and Richard Besser shares his book, "Tell Me the Truth, Doctor.

Fox News prepares for the Benghazi whistleblowers, Rep. Donna Edwards deals with a senile senior, teens amp up their promposals, and Douglas Rushkoff pinpoints the present.

Stephen plugs cOlbert's Book Club, conspiracy theorists explain the government's ammo purchases, dogs ride the Mary Jane train, and Robert Caro scares Republicans.

The Feds identify three accomplices in the Boston bombings, President Obama addresses the Gitmo hunger strike, and Sir Ben Kingsley chats about "Iron Man 3.

A Newtown victim's daughter confronts Senator Kelly Ayotte, pro-gun senators lose voters' support, and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis share their album, "The Heist.

Congress disregards the Army's wishes, Iowa cracks illegal immigration, Budweiser encourages Facebook friendships, and Evan Spiegel and Bobby Murphy make photos disappear.

Jason Collins comes out as gay, New Zealand sanctions same-sex marriage, conservatives get defensive, criminals turn to Yelp, and Iggy Pop performs shirtless.

Stephen starts an "O" Book Club, Matt Cartwright speaks Spanish, Fox & Friends gets the word out about a guy singing like a canary, and Gene Robinson advocates gay rights.

Twitter hackers trigger a market crash, Bill Clinton picks a dignified Twitter name, the Mars rover draws a penis in the sand, and NASCAR's Danica Patrick manages her rage.

Chris Christie is full of Scooby-Doo-doo, Thomas Herndon takes down Reinhart and Rogoff, and Google's Eric Schmidt talks digital identities.

The Boston manhunt ends, Canadian police expose an Al Qaeda plot, America's infrastructure earns a bad grade, and Michael Pollan describes the four ways of cooking.

The New York Post misidentifies Boston Marathon suspects, Stephen debuts the Bucket, the Senate opposes gun background checks, and Richard Engel describes Syrian militias.

The media dreams up Boston bombing suspects, Adam Davidson explains Bitcoin, Brad Paisley makes a sucky song about racism, and Alan Cumming tackles an almost one-man play.

Terrorists attack the Boston Marathon, Canada manufactures Sexcereal, the Rollie Eggmaster cooks up gelatinous egg rods, and Caroline Kennedy recites poetry with Stephen.

NASA develops an asteroid lasso, Nick Gillespie talks about pot legalization, New York City targets filthy Times Square mascots, and Cass Sunstein slams the food pyramid.

The Navy builds a laser missile, Senate Republicans give in to gun control, Anthony Weiner ponders the mayoral race, and VICE cofounder Shane Smith talks storytelling.

Stephen attends the Clinton Global Initiative University Exchange, Exxon sweeps oil into storm drains, and Charlie LeDuff shares his book, "Detroit: An American Autopsy.

At the Clinton Global Initiative University Meeting, President Bill Clinton discusses foreign aid, poverty, TED Talks, Twitter and the Colbert Galactic Initiative.

An Exxon pipeline bursts in Arkansas, Jeremy Irons compares gay marriage to incest, and NIH Director Francis Collins explains Obama's BRAIN Initiative.

Mark Sanford runs against Elizabeth Colbert Busch, Louie Gohmert compares gun control to bestiality, the GOP surveys young people, and A.C. Grayling talks God and reason.

Sue Everhart warns of gay marriage fraud, Victor Cha dissects North Korea's bomb threats, Florida plans to outlaw bongs, and Jim McGreevey advocates in-prison rehab.

Google pays tribute to Cesar Chavez, Pope Francis breaks a New Testament tradition, Tennessee uses a health care lottery, and Sigourney Weaver talks theater.

Same-sex marriage divides the Supreme Court, Emily Bazelon explains Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act, and Robert Lustig warns against sugar.

Papa Bear reassess gay marriage, scientists study Facebook "Likes," Tennessee lawmakers mistrust a mop sink, and Carl Edgar Blake II shows off his pigs.

Republicans contemplate a Celebrity Task Force, Senator Rob Portman flip-flops on gay marriage, and Eric Topol shares his book, "The Creative Destruction of Medicine.

The Vatican welcomes Pope Francis, Roma Downey stars in "The Bible," Trevor Potter memorializes Ham Rove, and Junot Diaz shares the Freedom University project.

Rand Paul talks for 13 hours, North Korea creates an ominous music video, "The Bachelor" incites emotionally-charged staring, and John Sexton compares baseball and religion.

The media introduces "Snowquester," Alabama calls the Voting Rights Act into question, Michael Bloomberg bans soda deliveries, and Wal-Mart inspires Brendan O'Connell.

Hugo Chavez passes away, Obama travels to Israel, Michael Oren discusses Iran, married couples retreat to Mars, and James Franco talks "Oz.

Obama confuses "Star Wars" with "Star Trek," Stephen investigates scallop gonad research, Texas reconsiders gun training, and Kirk Bloodsworth opposes the death penalty.

Pat Robertson confirms that demons occupy garments, shops sell Pope Benedict XVI memorabilia, federal spending cuts loom, and Jon Favreau describes speechwriting methods.

Stephen endorses Halls cough drops, the government bugs Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's trial, John Kerry makes a case for dimwits, and Paola Antonelli shares the future of design.

Pope Benedict shares the Vatican with his successor, Jeremy Bird disrupts the natural order in Texas, Al Qaeda evades drone attacks, and Michio Kaku tracks asteroid paths.

Michelle Obama crashes the Oscars, the CDC researches gun violence, sex scandal gossip plagues the Vatican, and Simon Garfield endorses handmade maps.

A rumor links Chuck Hagel to a made-up Islamic group, for-profit incarceration teams up with football, MTV cons BET Twitter fans, and Lil Buck explains jookin.

The U.K. responds to a horse meat scare, Alexi Lalas assesses soccer match fixing, Norway celebrates firewood, and David Goldhill critiques health insurance.

A meteor streaks over Russia, Detroit gleans a libertarian investor, Obama goes golfing with Tiger Woods, and Emily Bazelon explores the culture of bullying.

A fertility feast leads to Valentine's Day, the Obama administration targets S&P, and "Citizenville" author Gavin Newsom brings government into the digital age.

President Obama focuses on the middle class and infrastructure, Marc Rubio suffers from dry mouth, and Dave Grohl relives rock 'n' roll history.

The GOP holds a conference to self-reflect, Karl Rove targets Tea Partiers, Steven Seagal trains volunteer gun posses, and Roger Hodge touts Southern literature.

The Bush family gets hacked, Pope Benedict becomes the first pope to resign in 717 years, Father Jim Martin details papal appointment, and Garry Wills talks priests.

A snowstorm slams the Northeast, Senator Stacey Campfield homes in on kids' sexuality, Facebook promotes hookups, and Benh Zeitlin explores Louisiana's Bathtub country.

Lobbyists try to save the penny, Elizabeth Colbert Busch takes on 16 GOP candidates, and Lawrence Wright confirms abuse within the Church of Scientology.

A parking lot covers up royal remains, CBS brings unemployment to reality TV, Californians thank a hatchet-armed hitchhiker, and Julie Andrews responds to kids' book critics.

A blackout stalls the Super Bowl, Senate members tackle immigration reform, Obama claims to enjoy skeet shooting, and Justice Sonia Sotomayor details "My Beloved World.

Super Bowl ads release teasers, Gatorade does away with BVO, a clever crow uses utensils, and Matthew Guerrieri explores Beethoven's cultural impact.

Gay men stress less, Paul Clement defends DOMA in court, the KKK drops its racist message, and Bill Gates shares global health updates.

Iran launches a monkey into space, states work to nullify Obama's gun grab, Cliff Sloan explains supreme law, Gitmo stays open, and George Saunders boasts about short stories.

The TSA abandons nude scanners, Australia and conservatives cope with climate change, North Korea goes after America, and Michael Shellenberger debates energy sources.

France sends troops into Mali, Edward Berenson outlines French martial history, Hillary Clinton answers questions about Benghazi, and Tavi Gevinson chats about "Rookie.

Beyonce-Gate riles the media, Ayn Rand admirers find love, Virginia Republicans surprise Democrats with new districts, and Sally Field describes her character in "Lincoln.

Obama obscures America's hopelessness in his speech, Republicans pursue advanced redistricting, Dustin Hoffman shrinks his cast, and Kathryn Bigelow talks "Zero Dark Thirty.

Obama launches the Presidential Pride Parade, Kate Middleton contaminates America, and Ta-Nehisi Coates reflects on Obama's second inauguration.

Subway cons consumers, President Obama tightens gun control, Megyn Kelly reveals her porn name, and Akhil Reed Amar shares his book, "America's Unwritten Constitution.

HSBC launders cartel money, Matt Taibbi chews out big banks, Pat Robertson educates "slatternly" wives, and Tom Brokaw tells the plight of second presidential terms.

Lance Armstrong spends hours with Oprah, Stephen runs an Extra Special Report on Florida's mystery monkey, and Jared Diamond examines traditional New Guinea culture.

Joe Biden develops gun law recommendations, Ted Nugent references Rosa Parks, a nonprofit disputes Vitaminwater, and Piers Morgan talks gun control.

A man makes love to a couch, Obama flaunts his testosterone-filled Cabinet, Kevin Garnett hassles Carmelo Anthony, and musician Ben Gibbard grows up.

Idaho builds a firearms village, the NRA solves gun violence with more guns, wheat addiction spirals, and Neil Shubin explores humans' shared history with rocks.

The Forever Stamp skyrockets in value, blood transfers boost health, the Senate looks into "Zero Dark Thirty," and Chris Kluwe defends same-sex marriage.

Republicans agree to tax the wealthy, a coin solves the debt ceiling debate, Bill O'Reilly insults Asians, and Jimmy Wales shares Wikipedia's next steps.

Rockers raise money for Hurricane Sandy victims, Vince Gilligan leaks "Breaking Bad" footage, Colbert Super PAC money finds a home, and Simone Campbell talks social justice.

"America Again" defeats Papa Bear's bestseller, Jeff Bingaman gives Stephen a Senate how-to, Fox News attacks the 9/11 site mosque, and Mandy Patinkin talks national security.

Budget deal talks hit a wall, North Korea unearths a unicorn lair, California's ex-gay therapy ban meets resistance, and Malcolm Gladwell chats about man's best friend.

Fans lobby for Stephen's Senate appointment, David Petraeus declines a presidential proposal from Roger Ailes, and Diana Krall resists jazz standards.

Hobbit Week ends, Stephen gets the Madame Tussauds treatment, and Peter Jackson receives clarification on Tolkien lore.

Hobbit Week honors Denny's, the Senate votes down universal disability rights, and Andy Serkis compares "The Lord of the Rings" Gollum to "The Hobbit" Gollum.

Hobbit Week continues with Bilbo Baggins, testosterone gels trigger family hair growth, morning sickness socks Kate Middleton, and Martin Freeman talks TV roles and Tolkien.

The Report hosts Hobbit Week, safer streets weaken a Republican wedge issue, medical grade sheds replace nursing homes, and Sir Ian McKellen prefers Gandalf the Grey.

America foregoes a nuclear moon missile, Boeing blocks pension benefits to gay couples, Stephen pushes "America Again," and Sean Carroll explains the Higgs field.

Powerball sales skyrocket, Fox News explains why women can't get married, Harry Reid tries to curb filibusters, and Frank Oz talks Muppets.

Police bust a Canadian for lying about Santa, congressional Republicans abandon Grover Norquist, Reihan Salam describes Reagan's tax plan, and Dolly Parton promotes literacy.

Shoppers break Black Friday records, the Supreme Court deliberates copyright law, Pope Benedict XVI modifies the nativity, and Jake Tapper discusses the Afghanistan War.

Campbell's promotes soups for millennials, the Petraeus scandal escalates, meth protects against influenza, and Chris Stringer talks primitive humans.

"America Again" offends Canadians, Wall Street chucks its weakest link, Christopher Steiner reviews computer trading, and screenwriter Tony Kushner talks "Lincoln.

The media weighs presidential nominees for 2016, Sonia Sotomayor crushes girlish pipe dreams, and Newt Gingrich admits he guessed wrong about the election.

CIA Director David Petraeus steps down after an affair, Karl Rove faces angry benefactors, Jon Stewart assists Colbert Super PAC, and Ken Burns shares "The Central Park Five.

New York experiences a nor'easter, an Albany strip club claims to sell art, platonic friends learn the scientific truth, and Rachel Maddow talks election night.

Liberals and conservatives taint the election, Bill O'Reilly blames Romney's loss on non-whites, wind turbines affect mental health, and Doris Kearns Goodwin recites history.

America snubs the nice Romney boy and picks Obama, Andrew Sullivan sheds light on the election, and Joe Donnelly beats Richard Mourdock in Indiana.

Colbert Super PAC inspires Mitt Romney, Sasha Issenberg talks data-driven politics, Joe Scarborough doubts liberal math models, and Nate Silver reviews election statistics.

Michael Bloomberg issues post-Sandy travel mandates, Mitt Romney sways Billy Graham on Mormonism, and music marvel David Byrne teams up with St. Vincent.

Hurricane Sandy wreaks havoc on New Jersey, Mitt Romney hosts a relief rally, Donald Trump cuts Obama some slack, and Lilly Ledbetter explores gender pay discrimination.

Ovulation cycles sway female voting, Tom Hanks concocts neutral Halloween costumes, and Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels talks about his book, "Keeping the Republic.

Donald Trump wants Barack Obama's passport papers, Fox News rehashes the Benghazi attacks, Richard Mourdock justifies rape pregnancies, and Anthony Everitt talks Rome.

Mitt Romney's presidential smile wins out, undecided voters skip the debates, Lance Armstrong's doping taints his charity, and John Grisham writes about crooked lawyers.

Colin Small trashes voter registrations, CEOs threaten personnel over the election, Andrew Cuomo seeks to decriminalize pot, and Donald Sadoway shares his battery brainchild.

A squirrel votes for Mitt Romney, a farmer puts candy in cow feed, Stephen reports on the world's only Corn Palace, and The Killers discuss their clean-cut reputation.

Mitt Romney's Benghazi accusations backfire, two-parent households fix gun problems, Congressman Scott DesJarlais flip-flops on abortion, and Tyler Perry talks "Madea.

CNN enhances debate viewing, Emily Bazelon talks affirmative action, Paul Ryan pretends to volunteer, and Mayor Cory Booker explores party platforms and social media.

Red Bull sponsors a record sky dive, the EU receives the Nobel Peace Prize, Florida deals with a marauding monkey, and Evan Thomas reveals President Eisenhower's views on war.

Joe Biden debates Paul Ryan, Martian Obama rumors surface, Stephen argues with Stephen over Mitt Romney's conservative credentials, and Chrystia Freeland talks "Plutocrats.

7-Eleven and Pizza Hut participate in politics, doctors prescribe Adderall for bad test scores, bears invade America's malls, and Naomi Wolf sheds light on female anatomy.

Barack Obama seeks "obsessive" supporters, the Russian Church blesses the North Pole, Mitt Romney vaguely bullies four countries, and Morrissey slams the British Royal Family.

Lower unemployment rates prompt GOP conspiracy theories, rich Americans want Obama's respect, World of Warcraft shapes a state campaign, and Mark Kelly talks mice in space.

Mitt Romney pledges to defund PBS, Chris Matthews berates Barack Obama, Pennsylvania rules against voter ID laws, and Harvard geneticist George Church explores DNA.

America meets Mitt Romney for the first time, George Will points out Obama's racial advantage, doctors treat low testosterone, and Kenny Rogers recounts his music career.

Stephen releases "America Again," pastors endorse politicians on Pulpit Freedom Sunday, the Romney camp praises Obama's rhetoric, and Jorge Ramos talks immigration policy.

Paul Ryan tiptoes around tax plan costs, U.S. prison labor threatens small business, Iran's presidential aides visit Costco, and Ben Folds Five explains their album title.