Blood Diner (1987)

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Actress is magnificent and exudes a hypnotic screen presence in this affecting drama.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Two brothers are working to awaken the soul of an ancient goddess- the Goddess of Immorality- named Shitar.They are doing this to fulfill the dying mission of their serial killer uncle- or, well, for the brain of their uncle...which they keep in a jar and communicate with telepathically.First, they need to fashion Shitar a body...compiled of pieces, taken from women of immoral standing.Then, they need the necessary components for a blood sacrifice. Mostly the internal organs of sluts, and a virgin for Shitar to consume during the blood feast.So...they set it up...a Lemurian feast...the first one in 5 million years...and they invite all the vegetarians of ill repute they can find.Even though the brothers were putting the bodies of the women they killed in their food, and selling it as vegetarian food at their diner.The blood feast is actually pretty bad ass.I was expecting less from what leads up to it...which is an absolute cheese fest. But it does have it's charm- in a Peter Jackson meets Henenlotter sort of way. All the characters are purposefully over-acted. Giving the whole thing a surreal vibe. And there's lots of gore! It's really budget...sometimes humorously so, but it works. And when it counts...the special effects are excellent.I really think director Jackie Wong sets you up to be disappointed- with all the cheese- only to blow you away with the kickass character at the end! Sure, it's not wholly original. But it's still pretty awesome.I really enjoyed this film. It's a twisted, culty cheese-fest done right! And it's a helluva lot of fun.Definitely worth a watch.6.5 out of 10.

Two bumbling idiots witness their uncle getting shot to death by cops as kids. They grow up and dig up their Uncle's corpse, and manage to preserve his brain and penis, and put it in a jar. With their uncle's wisdom, they start by opening up a vegetarian buffet, and slaughter young women I'm a big horror movie fan, and I've heard mixed stuff over the years about this movie from other fellow horror fans. I finally decided to watch it, and now I really wish I hadn't. It's honestly 90 minutes or so, I'll never get back, but that's the risk you take with movies. I couldn't get over how incredibly stupid this movie is. For starters, how is the Uncle managing to talk, despite being dead for many years, and only having a brain and penis? We get viewer discretion at the start, with a warning message that insists the stuff done in this movie, is performed by seasoned professionals. No kidding, Sherlock! Was that supposed to be cute? When it's not moving as slow as molasses, it does manage to be bloody. We get many severed limbs, evisceration, decapitation with a broom (Yes, seriously) and lots more. Too bad I was too bored to care. I expected the amateurish acting, but they didn't even manage to make this into a so bad, it's good movie. I'm not gonna mention the performances. Everyone is absolutely god awful. This was initially a sequel to Blood Feast, but they pulled away from that idea. At least Blood Feast was campy fun at times, this has none of thatFinal Thoughts: Avoid it like the plague. There is nothing worthwhile about this movie, nothing at all. 1/10

Originally intended as a sequel to the landmark Herschell Gordon Lewis splatter flick "Blood Feast", "Blood Diner" ends up as more of a loving homage to that film, with some key plot elements borrowed from it (with a little bit of "Pieces" thrown into the mix).Two demented brothers are fiercely devoted to their homicidal uncle Anwar, so much so that 20 years later, they resurrect Unc (his brain and eyes, anyway) and follow his instructions to create the ultimate Lemurian feast, and bring their god Sheetar to life.Working from a fun screenplay by Michael Sonye, cult director Jackie Kong ("The Being", "Night Patrol") makes this all very deliberate in terms of its cheesiness, trashiness, and camp factor. It's never at any time meant to be taken seriously, and in fact is quite an uproarious comedy at times. Granted, some viewers may find it merely stupid, instead of so stupid it's fun, but those who treasure utter schlock will find it a real hoot. Several actresses fulfil the nudity requirement, or at least bare their breasts, the gore is of the irresistibly tacky variety, and the special effects are always quite amusing. Sonyes' dialogue contains some real gems, such as "I lost my gentitals...and my life!" The acting is all of the obviously amateurish variety, with those who are required by the film to go truly over the top coming off the best, especially Drew Godderis as the maniacal Anwar. He's a riot as he harangues his dim bulb nephews as they, in turn, bungle their way through their depraved deeds. Rick Burks as Michael and Carl Crew as George are fun as the gleeful antagonists of the story. Max Morris likewise tickles the funny bone with his way OTT performance as the bizarrely accented police chief, while the very pretty LaNette La France gamely keeps a straight face as a detective on the case. Several Troma-esque highlights include the fate of a bouncer and the demolition of a victim set to a mambo number.The movie doesn't quite sustain itself for the entire time; even at 88 minutes it's a little over extended, but fortunately the momentum created early on is regained for a very bright and insane finale. (One's gotta dig those weird musical acts.)While not quite as much fun as this viewer would have liked, it's still endearing stuff that delivers a respectable amount of good laughs.Seven out of 10.

Horror comedy. Now that's a tricky formula to pull off. Many have tried, few have succeeded. For every 'Shaun of the Dead' there's an 'An American Werewolf in Paris', know what I mean? This one gets it about half right.The plot is the purest nonsense - a mad scientist winds up disembodied, a brain in a jar if you will, and decides that the only thing to do is to construct a perfect female specimen in order to revive an ancient She-God who goes by the name of Sheetar. He enlists the help of a pair of cannibal locals, and the bits of the women they don't use go into the food at the diner they run, making their veggie burgers by far the best in town. Cue loads of ridiculous gore and general mayhem.There are some wonderfully odd moments; the naked woman who 'turns' - one minute victim, the next karate chopping avenger; the guitar playing Hitler's and the stomach with teeth, but there's also a fair amount of slapstick which is less welcome. A mixed bag, but far from rubbish and, in its own weird way, quite original.Enjoyable if flawed.