Sgt. Bilko (1996)

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

Unshakable, witty and deeply felt, the film will be paying emotional dividends for a long, long time.

The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

Last night, I watched 'Sgt. Bilko (1996)' for the first time in a few years, and was surprised at the number of quotes that have crept their way into my everyday conversation. Just yesterday at the gym, for example, I declared to a struggling friend: "one, we're going for one!"). Directed by Jonathan Lynn, co-creator of the British sitcom "Yes Minister" and its sequel, 'Sgt. Bilko' is a tightly-scripted classic, one of my favourite 90s comedies. The film is a screen adaptation of "The Phil Silvers Show," which ran from 1955 to 1959. I haven't seen the series, so I have no point of comparison, but I would certainly like to at some point.Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko (Steve Martin) commands the motor pool at Fort Baxter, but his involvement with the army is in name only. Whenever his bewildered commander (Dan Ackroyd) is looking the other way, Bilko dedicates his not-inconsiderable energies towards gambling and other worthwhile pursuits. He has a girlfriend (Glenne Headly) who is mostly on his wavelength, but who perhaps resents being left at the altar on multiple occasions. When an old nemesis (Phil Hartman) arrives on the base, Bilko finds out that army isn't as leisurely as he'd come to believe.'Sgt Bilko' moves along at a headlong pace, with Steve Martin cracking one-liners without even drawing a breath ("All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work"). Highlights include the most uneventful boxing match in cinematic history ("For three rounds, nobody hit anybody. It was a dance recital"), a surprise inspection of somebody else's barracks ("It is my understanding that you can no longer ask me these questions, sir"), and Bilko's attempt to dissuade his girlfriend from marrying Major Thorn ("Think of the children. You're a Catholic and he's an arsehole, how will you raise them?").

Now, to be fair, I haven't watched a moment of the original show. I know nothing about the Sergeant. With that said, I can't imagine that this does justice to him. You see, if he was always this unfunny, I cannot imagine that he would be popular. I mean, none of the characters garner a single laugh(they aren't even entirely consistent; early in this, from one scene to the next, one of the leads behave in a manner that directly contradicts everything we've learned about him up to that point), and they are all one-note cardboard cut-outs, but you'd at least expect the dude they titled this after to be worth watching(yes, he is pretty smooth with the ladies, however, that's all; he's not charming). The plot is completely predictable. Gags and jokes are uninspired. OK, we get it, they are undisciplined, fine... if we laugh at it, will you move on? Martin and Aykroyd are hilarious... elsewhere. Tanks aren't that effective in combat anymore; they're slow, useless against the air and too easy to disable. The concept of a type that can hover is a worn-out sci-fi idea. This isn't devoid of positives... Phil Hartman is one, and the other is the great music. I don't know, I suppose this is what you get for hiring the director of Greedy and The Whole Nine Yards. Then again, I do still intend to catch Clue. There is a little moderate to strong language in this. I recommend this to... I don't know, people who like these flicks. 5/10

This may or may not be the worst movie that Steve Martin has ever made, but it certainly was far from his best. Obviously, he did this crap for the pay check. Dreck like this certainly does nothing to enhance his reputation as a funny man. What he doesn't seem to grasp is that when people go to see a Steve Martin movie, they expect to be entertained, not bored to tears. It's sad that he dragged Dan Aykroyd and Phil Hartman down with him. I don't understand why talented people can't get a grip on the fact that people don't want to see them in lousy movies. If you're going to call a movie a comedy, then it should be funny. This wasn't. Shame on the US military for allowing itself to be associated with this pabulum, too. Full Metal Jacket had more laughs than this miserable excuse for a "service comedy." Surely, Phil Silvers is rolling over in his grave.

...I say that I like the movie. I think that Steve Martin was the perfect person to play the role, and that it was good for him and Dan Aykroyd to co-star after all these years. If it was lower humor than we usually associate with the two, then the crazy scenes justify that. I remember that I saw this a week or two after I saw "Mr. Holland's Opus", and was surprised to see Glenne Headly doing such a different role. Phil Hartman, meanwhile, makes one nasty dude (it reminds you what we lost when he got killed).Anyway, this is a silly movie, but quite funny. I suspect that up in that great army base in the sky, Phil Silvers must feel honored that they made this movie.Also featuring Chris Rock and Silvers's daughter Cathy in supporting roles.