Trojan War (1997)

To me, this movie is perfection.

Absolutely Fantastic

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

The film opens up strongly, but then quickly descends after the "practice" scene. Leah's obviously in love with him, her movements and reactions couldn't express that any louder. Yet, Brad somehow ignores the fact that the girl who's leg he was holding was an inch away from passionately kissing him.From there on out, it became incredibly predictable until the end credits. The small problems become major problems, the "funny" bad guy (or girl, in this case) becomes reoccurring, the girl he's after turns out to not be the girl he truly wants, and the bad guy gets taken out by the good guy doing barely anything. What really bothered me about the final "climatic" scene was that the dog that he's had a problem with since leaving Brooke's house obeyed him in attacking Brooke's boyfriend, instead of attacking Brad. There was absolutely NO logic behind that.The movie then ends with him realizing that the entire quest was pointless, as his prize has been right there in front of him the whole time. Then they kiss for a while, and movie's over. We don't know what happens to the gang members he befriended, we don't know what his parents do after finding out what happened (especially him losing their car), we don't know if Brooke and Kyle get back together, nothing is solved in the end except Leah's want for Brad.There was a few solid laughs, but with it's 85 minute run time, a few isn't anywhere close to cutting it. I stared at the screen with a blank face for most of the "jokes" that were seemingly written by 10 year olds that try too hard to be funny. It wasn't very entertaining, but it did keep a "I still wanna see how this ends" type of vibe on me the entire time. Long story short, watch it if you want, but there's plenty other high school, sex comedies that do the job a hell of a lot better.

Now, I decided to watch this movie for two reasons...and both of them belonged to Jennifer Love Hewitt, if you catch my meaning. But really, this was a bad movie. The script was tedious, unimaginative, and laughably predictable. Don't get me wrong; I know that this was wrote as a "fluff" piece to be shot on a tiny budget. The problem was, that there are movies that make the "fluff" funny and interesting...like "Can't Hardly Wait." "Trojan War" was never funny, and there wasn't a single interesting character (or relationship) in the entire awful movie. Additionally, most of the actors seemed to take a page from the Bette Midler school of WAY OVER-ACTING COMEDY, which makes for a lot of joke-flop cringing. The directing, writing, and acting all combine for what is a unappealing, 84 minute long utter waste of time. Avoid this movie if you're not 13, or drunk enough to have trouble focusing your eyesight on the television monitor.

I cannot believe people hate this movie. What do you expect from a teen comedy???Actually the movie is quite funny if you just want a light comedy. The acting is not that bad and the situations are quite funny. The only thing I could comment is that the situations are following too fast.If you want to laugh go see it, it is the best teen comedy I have seen in a long time. If you want a top comedy movie go see the Big Lebowsky.

"Trojan War" is the typical fluffy teen fare with as much subtlety as an ice cream cone. And worse off, it's not funny! Silly, yes. Stupid, very. Funny, seldom. Original, scarcely.Come on, this is a funny premise! A great premise with great potential! "Booty Call" wasn't the smartest comedy, but it had enough charm, originality and wit to pull it off. It used the condom-chasing premise wisely, for the most part. "Trojan War" is simply a cartoonish farce that flings one goofy situation after another, all of which is over-the-top--sometimes obnoxious--but rarely funny. Wow, I'm surprised it went direct to video!Will Friedle is not a bad actor, but he's resorted to bumbling around like an ape. Let's face it, he has little comic talent. With his previous experience in the biz mainly being the lamebrain sitcom, "Boy Meets World," what do you expect? Who can pick up a great sense of timing and delivery on a sitcom aimed at pre-teens? All his dialogue delivery seems forced and artificial. Bad writing and half-assed acting? Not a good combo. Of course, we have the beautiful Jennifer Love Hewitt to keep our eyes open. I liked how she performed a few songs for the soundtrack. I think I'm about the only one who bought her CDs, so I'm probably the only one who recognized her singing in the background in two scenes. One of which she's driving in her jeep and listening to her own song on the radio! That I found hilariously ironic. She's a good actress, and has a really good voice. You go, girl! The few funny moments are mostly thanks to the (adult) cameos. Lee Majors plays the local officer. You can't get much cooler than Lee Majors! Anthony Michael-Hall plays a psychotic bus driver who REALLY makes sure his customers pay "exact change only!" Kathy Griffin has a brief cameo as a convenience store clerk. In a juvenile teen flick like this, you just want to applaud and applaud when grown-up actors like these make their appearances. It almost adds a touch of class.As for the plot, faggedaboudit! You can't get any more predictable! One thing that always bugs me out about these movies: The girl who the guy is chasing is always a lot less prettier than the girl (usually his best friend, like in this case) who had the hots for him all along. Marley Shelton is a pretty actress, but that dumb blonde floozie facade should've turned him off from the get-go. Meanwhile, we have the extremely beautiful JLH who has known this guy (Friedle) all his life, and he didn't once consider hooking up with her? Yeah, right! It's just another cheap cinematic conceit that filmmakers abuse to the bone. And the Shelton character is so unappealing, while JLH's very likeable, that you wonder why he went on this whole condom-chasing journey in the first place! It makes no sense.The disappointing thing is George Huang directed this piece of crap! This is the guy who wrote and directed the underrated dark satire "Swimming with Sharks" featuring one of Kevin Spacey's best performances. How did he make the transition from hilarious, biting satire to utter garbage? I think the two films bare no similarity whatsoever, and it's almost impossible to believe they were made by the same director.If your day consists of sitting on the couch watching marathons of "Saved By the Bell" and "California Dreams," this is the film for you!My score: 3 (out of 10)