Cool as Ice (1991)

Dreadfully Boring

It really made me laugh, but for some moments I was tearing up because I could relate so much.

The thing I enjoyed most about the film is the fact that it doesn't shy away from being a super-sized-cliche;

Close shines in drama with strong language, adult themes.

...the most awful film in the history of cinema.Imagine every embarrassing moment you've ever had and imagine every time you've witnessed somebody else's embarrassing moment and felt empathy for them. Imagine every humiliation; guys imagine every unintentional boner, gals imagine every spotting of white pants at the dance, imagine every drunk puking into the gutter, bad dancing, flubbed speech, insulting someone who is standing right behind you when you didn't know they were there. Picture cursing a blue streak and realizing your religious grandmother was in the next room listening, just every awful thing that makes your belly churn and your face turn red to recall. Imagine being forced to re-live it all in an instant, and then somehow you are forced to consume it and then you vomit it all back out and for 90 more minutes you are forced to wallow in that vomit, a vomit reeking of despair and chagrin, acidic with the burning wish that it had never happened...That is the experience of watching this movie. It is the stuff of some circle of Hell undiscovered before 1991. It is NOT funny.

I'm going to reveal something shocking: Cool As Ice is not that bad.What? Really? Yes. While it doesn't reach the heights of an actual good or even competent movie, it's the fun factor which fuels it.Vanilla Ice gives maybe one of the most awkward performances you'll ever see, but that is part of what is so hilarious. In a movie practically tailormade for you, about how you're the most rebellious and "rad" one in town, tell me with honesty you really wouldn't jump at the chance and enjoy yourself, trying to seem as cool as you possibly could, no matter what everyone else would think. In that way, he's exactly the same as the character in the movie.Long-time Janus Jaminski gives the movie a very wonky, appropriately 90's style look as well. The movie is heavy on the music, and there's a soundtrack throughout which nicely sets up every scene. And while the raps might be cheesy, they could stand quite solidly on their own and work as party tunes.My only problem is when it gets too serious. I'm watching this to laugh, not to see poor Vanilla Ice half-heartedly try to act emotional. But it's not a major detriment to the entertainment, and Michael Gross stands out as the only actor who comes off as convincing. Even when face to face with villains so cartoony you would think you turned over to Disney Channel.There is some hysterical dialogue throughout, but I'm not sure if it's funny because it's well-written dumb comedy, or if it's just funny because it's purely dumb. Either way, it doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day...... just add ice. Drop it!

I just saw this movie again today. The first time was last night hahah. I can't get enough of it. I find that the more I view it, the better it becomes. I don't see it as ridiculous at all. Except maybe for the elderly couple mechanic, especially when they started break dancing! I think the movie is utterly sincere and very heartfelt. Though I didn't see this movie when it came out for various insignificant reasons (I was in the Phils and not sure if it was shown there. If it was, I wouldn't be in a habit of going to the theaters as a college student. I could only afford one movie at the time and I chose to see Jurassic park then. OK, yeah you're not interested in my teen life). I'm not exactly a fan but heck we had a legit intramural cheer song number to the tune of Ice, Ice Baby. And the "rave" reviews didn't deter me from choosing to view this on Hoopla. I wasn't expecting much. I was looking for something light and moderately entertaining. What I found is an earnest appreciation for it. The opening scene sets the tone for the movie. Dark room but not moody, some strobe lights, but it's not the disco. Dudes and dudettes (terms inappropriate for this genre) were on the dance floor. The energy is apparent. The steady almost graceful kind of motions that won't be mistaken for the hyperactive seizure dance of today, if that may be called as such. I reflected slowly and surely that Robert Matthew Van Winkle captivated my heart. First he can act. He's not awkward on camera. He exudes a kind of "steelness" quality only someone dubbed as him could warrant. He can dance and not completely unpleasing to the eyes either. Tall, blond and with striking good looks, who wouldn't be enthralled. Not just that, check out the wardrobe and the hairstyle! That haircut alone deserves a separate commentary. Lines shaved with asymmetrical geometric patterns and lightning bolts that extend to the eyebrows! His style is truly like a chemical spill, in Chernobyl!This movie was made 25 years ago and so much in our society have changed since. And people who questioned those scenes have got to understand that it was nonetheless still a different culture back then. Ghettos on motorbikes weren't so scary and suspicious. In this movie, they're simply a band of artist. A rapper and his break-dancing home-boys and well one home-girl. The representative kid in this movie, a 10-yr old boy, is aware of sex nut not obsessed about it even when he often chides his sister about i). The word "sex" is spoken but not done, even off camera. The romantic montage, which could very easily be littered with soft porn slow motion takes and salacious poses, was kept clean. (Considering the director's previous playboy flicks). There was not even tongue! It was GP. The movie simply isn't interested in sex. Come to think of it, I don't believe there were any curse words either. I don't recall hearing the 4-letter F word. The editing was smart using ingenious camera angles combined with tongue-in-cheek props (green eggs, Quotes on wallpaper, crazy fun-house cum garage). Cinematography is on par, nothing less to be expected from a future academy holder. And the writing? Words of wisdom such as ... "If you ain't true to yourself then you ain't true to nobody" "Live your life for someone else, you ain't livin'" "It's not where you're from, it's where you're at" "Can you put it back together with quickness?"... it's like Shakespeare! Of the 20th century. I don't care what any body else thinks, I love this movie.

I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it. I actually thought the movie was good - I rent it again and I would own it.