The Big Green (1995)

Thanks for the memories!

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Let me be very fair here, this is not the best movie in my opinion. But, this movie is fun, it has purpose and is very enjoyable to watch.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

I really tried to like this movie. Lord knows I tried. After all, it was broadcast free on a local TV station and the cost of admission was zero. So I endured the animated intro that was completely disjointed from the rest of the film that followed.I suffered through the obvious clichés of downcast misfits and insufferable moppets who were predictably going to somehow unite and overcome the mean over the top enemy coach. I resisted vomiting with the overdone insinuated affair of the teacher and the sheriff.I held back severe diarrhea after seeing one too many scenes of the typical "misfits who will win" cliché overweight kid who had visions of ninjas and so forth as he tried to protect the goal. And despite the much expected screwed up drunken dad, and all the soon to be healed by sports parent/kid relationships, I hung in there.But then when they got to the scene of these insufferable misfit moppets, and soon to be heroes attempting to mow the "big green", with sped up film, only to be followed by the scene of the ever lovable kids and whacked-out parents having a sweet sugar-coated love fest in the mud and rain in slow motion for added effect. That's when I lost it.It was as if someone had induced diabetes by pouring a 2 pound bag of sugar coated doggie diamonds down my throat. Or more accurately, goat poop. Yes, to add to the whole predictable Disney over-sweetened saccharin sickness of this film, there's a goat mascot... just in case the rest of the film didn't put you in a coma.Anyway, if you haven't seen this movie, thank God.

This movie is beyond terrible. I have rarely seen a combination of directing, cinematography and screenplay that is this bad. Seriously...go do story problems in an 8th grade math book before you watch this...honestly. You will thank me later. The story is of course a complete cliché that has been done a thousand times...but the effort put forward here is beyond reprehensible. Even the songs in the movie are bad. Little giants, heavyweights, both bad news bears movies, ladybugs...these are all 10/10 compared to this disgusting wad of complacency. How Steve Gutt could actually read this script and say yes is beyond me, but hey...money is money. If you need to kill some time, try a screwdriver to the brain for a couple hours....at least the pain will remind you life is worth living.

The students in a small Texan town have a new teacher from England (Olivia D'Abo). She is trying hard to motivate and communicate with her pupils, with only limited success. Limited, that is, until she gets her students excited about soccer. She assembles a ragtime team, with no uniforms, and teaches them about the fundamentals of soccer. The team, with a mixture of girls and boys, begins playing matches. They lose. The teacher enlists the help of the local sheriff (Steve Guttenberg) and, together, they help the team improve. But, will they succeed in winning soccer games? This is another stroll down Mighty Ducks lane but it is still a good film for children. It's themes of hard work and teamwork are undeniable and very worthwhile. The actors, the script, and the Texas setting form a touching and funny film. If you want to find a good family film for a night at home, try this one. Big grins will pop up over The Big Green.

HOW MANY MOVIES ARE THERE GOING TO BE IN WHICH AGAINST ALL ODDS, A RAGTAG TEAM BEATS THE BIG GUYS WITH ALL THE MONEY?!!!!!!!! There's nothing new in "The Big Green". If anything, you want them to lose. Steve Guttenberg used to have such a good resume ("The Boys from Brazil", "Police Academy", "Cocoon"). Why, OH WHY, did he have to do these sorts of movies during the 1990s and beyond?! So, just avoid this movie. There are plenty of good movies out there, so there's no reason to waste your time and money on this junk. Obviously, the "green" on their minds was money, because there's no creativity here. At least in recent years, Disney has produced some clever movies with Pixar.