Future War (1997)

Save your money for something good and enjoyable

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

When a movie has you begging for it to end not even half way through it's pure crap. We've all seen this movie and this characters millions of times, nothing new in it. Don't waste your time.

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

A runaway human slave (Daniel Bernhardt) from Earth's future escapes to the present day.I am being a bit generous in giving this film a 2, because it easily ranks as one of the worst films of all time. Terrible acting, cheesy effects, a film quality that looks like low budget 1970s rather than low budget 1990s...There is probably a cult following for this one, because really, how many films have both dinosaurs and cyborgs? Not too many. And I am sure there are any number of people who watch it just because they enjoy Robert Z'Dar...

Talk amongst yourselves, I'll give you a topic... "Future War" neither takes place in the future, nor is there a war. Discuss...Thank you Jewish Mike Myers in drag, now for a serious movie review.Once again, another piece of media trash that I came across via the schlock cinematic gateway that is Mystery Science Theater 3000. Crappy acting, no plot, really bad dialogue, and the film equivalent of shadow puppets, only with real (albeit poorly made) puppets! (I know that term is known as forced perspective, but shadow puppets are the reference that everyone unfamiliar with film terminology will understand.)Here's the story... A guy trapped on a stock footage spaceship makes his way to Earth via an escape pod. He's tracked down by "cyborgs" with mullets, mustaches, and gigantic chins who like to travel with dinosaur puppets that like to feast on fat guys and the homeless. A nun hits the guy with her car and nurses him back to health, all the while he somehow is able to learn the English language in a matter of days and for some reason knows tons of random quotes from the Bible. After a while of plotlessness, they decide to try and kill off the cyborgs and dinosaur puppets, and then apparently they do that, I don't know the movie doesn't explain that much, and then the guy's shirt rips off a few times, and then the movie just ends with an article about the guy becoming a teen councilor (would that really be news-worthy, even for a small quarter-of-a-page-long article in a local newspaper?).This movie just plain sucks! It's not at all original or clever in anyway. As the kind of bad movie that usually ends up on MST3K it's not campy, it's just crap. There's absolutely no reason to watch this on it's own without the riffing and occasional commercial or comical interruption. Believe me, it's necessary to give you a little breathing room, especially for this film. And the fact that most of the cast and crew hoped that the movie would eventually end up on MST3K just proves it's crappiness.

I first saw this piece of crap on MST3K when it was on Sci-fi channel and I couldn't believe what I saw because it's so bad.How bad?? Well,the acting for one.Second,the so-called effects because the dinosaurs are smaller than they actually are.Third,the script...I have a question:why do the nun and Runaway get on the train after the dinosaur attacks them and the others at their house??? Did anyone notice that there's a cardboard box factory during the fight between the cyborg and Runaway??Nothing but empty boxes..I wouldn't advise anyone to watch this by itself.Please only watch it with Mike and bots and that's it,then it won't be so painful.Not unless you're into that kind of thing..Fun to watch?? Maybe.Painful? Could be.Really bad??? Definitely!!!!

(r#18)Where to begin? Not only is this film incompetently made on all levels, it is also so pathetically boring you'll lose whatever will you once had to live before you've gotten through half of it. In fact, I'm writing this review as I'm watching the movie because frankly, it's the only way to keep my sanity.There isn't much of a war in here... or a plot... but we do get to see exploding plastic dinosaurs, Emo cyborgs with poodle haircuts, fat hicks galore, inexplicable flashbacks, the worst narration you're ever likely to hear (well, anything that sellout Morgan Freeman does might be worse, I don't know), bad actors (but come on, that's a given), and Charlie Sheen as police officer Polaris. Just kidding. They got a look-a-like instead. Not even Charlie Sheen wanted to star in this garbage. Even the man who sprouted a huge boner in Scary Movie 4 has the right to SOME dignity.Boxes. I forgot about boxes. This movie has a perverse fascination with those bland-looking cardboard boxes that illegal Polish TV sets come in. You know, the kind that Calvin and Hobbes would play time travel in. Ironically their toy dinosaurs are more convincing than the toy dinosaurs in Future War.Jesus, when will this movie end...? I mean, I'm watching it with Mike and the 'bots, and I STILL find it hard to concentrate. I've sat through 'Manos', Night Train, and Secret Agent Super Dragon. I've made it through the awful excuse for a comedy "Spöket på Bragehus", for crying out loud! Um... no, wait, I actually fell asleep during that film. Anyway, my point is that Future War has to be one of the most offensively dull movies ever made. Well, gotta go watch the fat guys fight dinosaurs again. See you around. This movie might have some amazing twist ending that will bring its rating up a few notches, but I doubt it.Edit: Surprise... it didn't.