Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 13-22 (2007)

The Worst Film Ever

Memorable, crazy movie

This story has more twists and turns than a second-rate soap opera.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

I once watched the entire saga of Trapped in the Closet on IFC. It was a true train wreck in that it was awful but somehow I could not stop watching. The story was so complicated and R. Kelly was so pretentious that I simply could not make sense of or care about what happened. If the focus was supposed to be on the tangled sexual relationships of the characters, what was that whole business with the mobsters and the train doing in the film? I honestly hoped that someone would get killed since I thought that it might help end this stupid thing. I have no idea how anyone could actually find this mess genuinely entertaining and not just as a "so-bad-it's-good" alternative classic. In conclusion, it's a bad train wreck that you are better off avoiding if possible.

Where the first series was a noble misadventure, the second set is treacherous. Every possible cliché, trope and familiar banality is recycled in pursuit of simply filling out another series so that R Kelly finally has a reason to wear a selection of suits and look cool and in control. Any pretence of a through dramatic line is abandoned as if the script were being prepared in situ by children with foul mouths and limited or crippled imagination. Even the earlier rough sense of rigour or formality with respect to singing the script crumbles away.One might suspect that if R Kelly had managed to persuade the money men to OK the first series, the unexpectedly half-positive critical response forced their collective, calculating hand to demand a second where there was - artistically speaking - none. Worse than wallpaper.

When this DVD was coming out, I couldn't wait to get it. I've been listening to R. Kelly music since I can remember and have followed some of his advice on women. (it worked too.) Now I really don't care about his porno and all that legal bs, all I know is that this man can really make a song about anything and still make it a hit. I think people call that talent. Anyways, I buy the DVD, and I sit with my wife to watch it, and I must admit I felt like the movie went nowhere.I mean, the characters were hysterical and I wondered where the hell he came up with some of this stuff, but I felt he was just showing the different characters he can play so some producer would notice and start putting him in movies. Honestly, he was just showcasing his talents instead of moving forward with the story. The first chapters were good, and it was a movie that I could watch over and over but this second one felt hollow.If R. Kelly wants to go out with a bang with this, he should just go with the first characters he had and just tell their story instead of these other characters that didn't need to be in the movie. That's just my opinion and I am rating this kinda because I am an R. Kelly fan through thick and thin and I'm a little bias.

For R. Kelly to have ever said that this steaming pile would be better than Thriller was the second worse thing he has done (next to peeing on a little girl while she cried for her mother). In the second installment of "Chapters" we start off right after the encounter with the Midget "Big Man"m but everyone has on totally different clothes so for the first few minutes you will think you are in a different "movie". Once again R. Kelly using stereotypes way off the scale (black people, black preacher, pimp, Italian mafia, southern white chick, etc.) While none of the characters are remotely believable, the story is very funny. No one in the world would act this way, but the fact that it is sooo off the wall makes it funny. You learn that everyone may have a "package" which is most likely AIDS given R. Kelly's hatred of the gay community. In the final scene people are being called because the "might" have gotten the "package" from Chuck and Rufus. Odds are most of them do not have the "package" since they may have not had sex with a sub-partner of chuck and rufus, or they may have used protection. On a final note it is funny that this is sold with music videos when the only music during all 22 chapters is the same 4 bongs repeated over and over (that is not music), and since nothing in the videos has ever been sung, it is just R. Kelly talking, and the fact that they were too cheap to use over voices over than just R. Kelly's makes it even funnier.