Code Name: Diamond Head (1977)

Why so much hype?

Best movie ever!

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

Clever, believable, and super fun to watch. It totally has replay value.

I saw this television pilot on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Not the worst thing they have ever riffed, but then again, I find that the stuff that is not completely horrible oftentimes makes for the better episodes. Someone commented that they should not have riffed this because it has good stars in it, but I say anything can be riffed. It does not have to be completely horrid and nearly impossible to watch for the gang to bring in the zingers at a torrid pace. That being said, I can see why this never became a hit series that instead of being riffed for its pilot episode, was in syndication. It was not that good. Sure it had some rather credible actors in it, Ian McShane being the main one; however, for the most part this was kind of dull at times if not for the riffs. There were a lot of shows going on at this time that put this one to shame as it seemed to be trying to do a bit of Hawaii Five-O with more of a spy slant to it, but like a lot of television shows during this time, all it managed to do was make it on television as a pilot episode. Not sure if it went beyond that. There were a number of television shows that I really enjoyed as a kid that never really got many episodes such as the live action Spider-man show. Heck, that one had good ratings, but the president of CBS yanked it because he did not want his station to cater to kids. These days that demographic is all they cater too. This show simply did not hook the audience and it would have faded into obscurity if not for the gang of the Satellite of Love.The story centers around an agent who is undercover in Hawaii. A man who is like some sort of criminal and really bad guy comes to town to steal some sort of chemical explosive or something. The agent must try to out think this man known as Tree...he really should've gave himself a cooler nickname. At the agent's disposal, this big dude, an Asian lady who does some stuff and a cranky old pirate looking dude who wants his 50 dollars! It has its moments here and there mainly due to Ian as Tree, but it has a lot of stupid stuff too, like the music. At one point the music suddenly sounded like it was from the science fiction ant film, Phase IV.As an episode of Mystery Science Theater it is becoming a favorite of mine. I was not as wild about it at first, but it continually grows on me and I laugh at the jokes which by today's wimp standards would probably offend some people. One of the reasons I fear the reincarnation of the show is going to be weak is the fact people are so easily offended so I just think the show is going to lack the edge it had back in the day.So, another show that failed to become a regular on the prime time schedule. Who knows? If things were different it may have survived as for reasons unknown a good deal of people seem to have enjoyed this show and do not like the fact that it was done by Mystery Science Theater, but realistically, most of them would have completely forgotten this thing if not for them. It's still always kind of cool to reenter the 70's though and watch a blast from the past!

It doesn't take long to see why Code Name: Diamond Head didn't make it onto the network schedules. The TV pilot movie doesn't get past the credits before it's obvious just how bad it's going to be. Maybe I missed something, because the plot didn't make a whole lot of sense. Based on what I got out of the muddled mess, a terrorist or thief or something named "Tree" (Ian McShane) goes to Hawaii to steal something to do with a secret weapon. The world's dullest secret agent, Johnny Paul (Roy Thinnes), is out to stop him. There might have been more, but trust me – it really doesn't matter anyway.Action movies should have action. Suspenseful moments should have suspense. And dramatic moments should have drama. There's none of that in Code Name: Diamond Head. I've seen others use the word "turgid" to describe this made for TV snoozer – and it's better than any one word description I can come up with. None of the characters is in the least bit exciting or worth caring about. And Roy Thinnes makes for the worst leads imaginable. His charisma is just slightly north of a slug. Ian McShane is easily the best thing the movie has going for it, but unfortunately for everyone else involved, it doesn't appear he was going to be back as a regular cast member. Now if McShane had been cast in the series lead, well then you might have had something.I'm quickly discovering that these Gawd awful 70s made-for-TV movies make great Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. And that goes double if Quinn Martin was involved. Very funny stuff from Mike and the Bots. So while I may only give the movie a 3/10, I rate Episode #608 a 4/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

Think of this pilot as "Hawaii Five-O Lite". It's set in Hawaii, it's an action/adventure crime drama, lots of scenes feature boats and palm trees and polyester fabrics and garish shirts...it even stars the character actor "Zulu" in a supporting role. Oh, there are some minor differences - Roy Thinnes is supposed to be some front-line undercover agent, and the supporting cast is much smaller (and less interesting), but basically the atmosphere is still the same. Problem is, "Hawaii Five-O" (another QM product) already existed at the time and had run for years. It filled the market demand for Hawaii-based crime dramas quite adequately. Code Name: Diamond Head may have been intended as the heir to H50 as the older series eventually dwindled away...but it comes across as a superfluous, 2nd rate copy. It doesn't suck, but it's completely derivative and doesn't do anything as well as the original.There is some decent acting talent involved here. Thinnes is an old pro, and he gives the role his best shot, and he isn't bad. But Thinnes is only as good as his material and his director. Ian McShane is in here as an evil spy master named "Tree", and McShane tends to be the most interesting actor in any scene he appears in. But he's phoning his part in here. Frances Ngyuen is reasonably exotic looking, but her astounding skinniness, opaque features, thick accent and wooden delivery aren't the stuff of which dreams are made. Relying on her to supply the 'romantic interest' for Thinnes was probably the series' biggest mistake. At least for for a series aimed at white audiences brought up with Marsha Brady and Peggy Lee as our love goddesses. Give her another 30 lbs and a year with a dialog/voice coach, and she might cut it. Zulu is, well, his usual self - enjoyable in bit parts, but he isn't a person who can carry a feature by himself. In addition, the plot and dialog are strictly by-the-numbers, with nothing to distinguish them from any other Quinn Martin production. And by this point, the American TV audience had seen a whoooole lot of QM productions....I think "CN: DH" was one too many, and it sank without a trace. It wasn't the really the actors' fault, and I hope they walked away from this with a decent paycheck and one more entry on their C.V.s. MST3000 revived this for their treatment in their sixth season, and they had a lot of good natured fun with it. Worth seeking out in that version if you enjoy the MST approach to movie japery and lampoon, but I can't imagine anyone caring about this pilot for any other reason.

TV pilots, don't you love them? Quinn Martin tried this one out after being successful in a bunch of other TV detective movies, but this one goes nowhere except in the realm of MST where it belongs. Roy Thinnes is Diamond Head who takes orders from Aunt Mary to find super spy Lovejoy, I mean Tree. Zulu and Tso-Tsing are there for ethnic comic relief and not much else. Tree sucks as a bad guy despite all his disguises that makes him look exactly the same as he normally does. There's more unnatural clothing fiber here than you can ever imagine (required in the 1970's)and the show itself is so anti-climatic. Why did it not go to series? You figure it out, it's quite blatant. Again it's fun for MST, but not a lot else!!