Cthulhu Mansion (1992)

the audience applauded

Expected more

While it is a pity that the story wasn't told with more visual finesse, this is trivial compared to our real-world problems. It takes a good movie to put that into perspective.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

Why, oh why, did I watch this again after so many years, since the only thing I remembered from this movie was that it was bad. I guess I needed the laugh. This might be the worst H.P. Lovecraft adaptation I've ever seen on screen (so far, as I plan to see more). The acting's bad and so are the special effects. Not one suspenseful thing happens. It's not creepy or scary (though I must say the movie at least tries to be and somehow tries to capture Lovecraft's spirit... alas, it fails...) and the climax is pathetic. Some lowlife gangsters steal some coke and flee to a big mansion, taking a magician and his daughter hostage. Nothing happens for ages, and when some people do die, it's more of a laugh than a terrifying event really. Some rubbery claws come out of a fridge, some plants make a girl disappear and the bag of coke magically crawls into the fire by itself (!). What was that all about? I guess Cthulhu doesn't like coke. Good for him, because drugs are bad. And so is this movie. I hope film-makers have learned it by now: If you don't have the money to back up the story with decent actors and good special FX's, then don't make a Lovecraft-movie. The man must be break-dancing in his grave for quite some years now, with all those bad movies based on his stories...

Don't go into this one expecting even a remote trace of Lovecraftian horror ...you won't find it. The only HPL connection to this screwball effort is the word Cthulu ...the word, not the idea, not the god, not the atmosphere or anything else. Just the word. One can't necessarily expect the actors of a movie like this to be top notch (though Jeffrey Combs of some other HPL-based films is certainly the exception), but in Cthulu Mansion you feel like you should be watching something recorded by teenagers on a digital camera. The film's dialog consists solely of clichés ...an hour and a half worth of clichés: imagine that! The lead bad guy is named Hawk (which wouldn't be funny even if this were a satire of trashy horror), and the characters so lack originality and human-ness that you'll find yourself wondering aloud, "What was going through the actor's mind when he/she was performing this scene?" Seemingly absolutely nothing. The killings are mild (the blood-shower drowning was cool but too good for this film) or stupid (the 1950s monster hands coming out of the refrigerator ...come on!), and the only genuinely positive thing I can say about the entire mess was that the mansion used here would be great in a better film. I so wanted this to be a better movie. The cover at the video store, the fact that it was Spanish and claimed to be based off of Lovecraft, all pointed to something awesome ...but I was horribly deceived.

To call this a B movie would be to give it too much credit. I was constantly reminded of Manos: Hand of Fate and similar horror movies that are lampooned by Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or shown on late-night cable television.If you are a fan of cheesy horror movies, this is a great movie. If you're looking for decent plot, believable visual effects, or sound effects that didn't come directly from a sound effects record (the opening credits are an excellent example), you might want to try something else. Definitely pick this one up for a Halloween party. It also ends up being a great value for your rental or purchasing dollar because this movie seems twice as long as it actually is.If you're a Lovecraft fan, you'll probably be disappointed. This is a homage movie and not based directly on any of his stories. I DON'T KNOW IF THE FOLLOWING WOULD BE CONSIDERED A SPOILER, BUT I'M WARNING YOU NEVERTHELESS. DON'T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PLOT.Despite the title, no, you don't get to see Cthulhu. He's not even really involved. They only mention evil and dark forces in general and never mention any specific demon from Lovecraft's works. There are only a few minor references to Cthulhu scattered around - the name on the gate of the mansion, the cover of a book of evil magic, and a few utterances, I think. The movie is titled as it is just to lure in Lovecraft fans. That was honestly the only thing keeping me going through this one, though - would I get to see him? But in the end, I actually ended up relieved not to see them try to show Cthulhu. With the small budget this movie had for effects and actors, it would have been a rather sad depiction.

This is the kind of movie that makes you want the hour and a half of your life back. This movie should be in every film class to show new directors what not to do. I saw this movie over a year ago, but as hard as I try, and with other reviews I've read cannot think of a single redeeming quality, other that the ability to MST3K the Hell out of it.