Death by Dialogue (1988)

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

This film is so real. It treats its characters with so much care and sensitivity.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

A group of teens go to some house on the country, inhabited by a professor of sorts and his female companion, located next to an abandoned movie set. They find an ancient screenplay that seems to re-write itself, pretty much dictating how the teens will meet their demise. Now, the concept of a screenplay or book re-writing itself to cause supernatural deaths to occur, would probably make up for a highly imaginative & compelling story in the hands of someone like, let's say, Clive Barker. But in the hands of two-time writer/director Thomas Dewier & one-time writer Susan Trabue this movie ended up being the cinematic equivalent of a giant elephant turd with big chunks of indefinable substances in it, the likes of which even a specialized forensics expert would have a hard time determining what on earth this elephant might have eaten the previous night.The good thing is that "Death By Dialogue" would be a perfect match in an '80s feature double bill with "Nightmare Weekend" for a mind-boggling viewing experience. Both films are ridiculously inept, wildly bonkers, amusingly imaginative and completely devoid of any sense & logic. Further more, they use every excuse possible to present us a wide variety of stupidly insane & gory killings and a fair amount of female nudity. Oh, the glorious lost cinematic wonders from the '80s. While "Nightmare Weekend" might eat the cake for being the superior total-loss inane horror smörgåsbord it is, "Death By Dialogue" tries incredibly hard to be the second runner-up. When we're strictly talking kills here, we have: Burned to a total crisp. Blown straight into the air while having sex. An inexplicable head explosion. Being sucked into the ground and pop up again all melted. In addition, we also have a bad hard rock band suddenly appearing in the woods out of nowhere and a barbaric demon villain with a giant sword and two henchmen on motorcycles. I did say this movie doesn't make the least bit of sense, did I? It also stars Ken Sagoes as "The Kid Who Survived Nightmare On Elm Street 3". Yes, producers saw this as the sole selling point to promote this horrifying piece of drivel.

Cary (Lenny Delducca) and four of his friends (including A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3's Ken "Kincaid" Sagoes) go to visit his crippled Uncle I've, who lives on a sprawling ranch that used to be a movie location in the 1950s. Trouble starts when Shelly (Kelly Sullivan) finds an old script for a film titled VICTIM 67. The kids start getting offed and the script title and plot line keeps changing with each victim. So how did the script get possessed? Seems an ancient tribe the Uncle was friendly with in South America had put the soul of a nosy reporter they killed into an ancient urn and it got loose on a film set in the 1950s and entered a script. Makes perfect sense, right? This little horror flick was from City Lights, the earlier company from PM Entertainment producers Joseph Merhi and Richard Pepin. It is like a lot of their early stuff, flatly shot but with enough technical sheen to put it above most horror muck. Director Tom DeWier is primarily a stuntman in Hollywood and gets a few cool stunt bits in here, including a girl being blown out of a barn mid-sex. The film's biggest attribute is its M.S.U. (Makin' Sh*t Up) quality like when one victim wanders into the woods only to see an 80s metal band jamming out before they make his head explode with a guitar to the cranium. Co-star Sagoes must have hated his agent, thinking, "This is the best you could do for me after ELM STREET 3?" Even worse, the filmmakers have him dress exactly the same as his earlier, popular character so audiences know he is "the kid who survived A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3" (as the VHS box proudly proclaims).

Only in the 1980's, those gloriously dim-witted 1980's, it was possible for an over-enthusiast young writer/director to present a concept about a murderous horror movie screenplay and actually find the necessary financial means to make the film! "Death by Dialogue" is bottom-of-the-barrel 80's guff, complete with insufferable lead characters, zero tension building and a fairly high number of WTF-moments. The film is an attempt to amalgamate a typical slasher plot with an edge of supernaturalism, but the result is beyond retarded. The first half hour is still okay, albeit full of clichéd situations and hilariously inept 80's characteristics. The opening sequence, for example, is quite funny when a caretaker mistakes a hideous demon for his employer and yells at her: "Why don't you fire me!". The demon then literally sets him on fire, ha ha! Then there's a the exemplary credits sequence, depicting five stupid twenty-something losers driving up to a remote holiday destination in their convertible, guided by an atrociously cheesy 80's pop song. There's the hero and his girlfriend, the wannabe James Dean cool dude and the token black guy (Ken Sagoes from "Nightmare on Elm Street 3 & 4"). After the obligatory 'we-are-having-fun-playing-kids-games' montage, the dumb posse stumbles upon an ancient horror movie script that is possessed with the evil spirit of a murdered journalist. Yes, that's right! The script summons demons on motorcycles and heavy metal rock bands and actually causes people to die in various idiotic ways. "Death by Dialogue" is a really stupid film with tacky special effects and pathetic demon masks. The fog machines are working overtime and the barn love-making sequence has to be seen in order to be believed. The couple has steamy & passionate sex, although the girl never removes her panties, while the barn fills up with demonic forces until the girl literally blows out of her socks.

This spirited little low-budget horror film deserves more than it's reputation. I had the fortune of picking this film up (believe it or not) on DVD and needless to say I wasn't expecting much from a film called Death by Dialogue, with a possessed script and an 80's alt-rock band starring Ken Sagoes, who was one of my favorite characters from NOES. The film does have some ultra cheesy moments but it's decently crazy and gory at times. Plus...nudity. I'd say if you find it on television or in the old releases at your local videostore, be a good-little slasherhound and pick it up and give it a view. As stupid as it is it's worth at least that much.