The Hard Hombre (1931)

The Worst Film Ever

The performances transcend the film's tropes, grounding it in characters that feel more complete than this subgenre often produces.

One of the film's great tricks is that, for a time, you think it will go down a rabbit hole of unrealistic glorification.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

In recent months, I have been watching quite a few series B-movies. While I am far from an expert and there is still so much to be seen, I was completely caught off guard by "The Hard Hombre". It was NOTHING like other films by the familiar stars such as Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Tim McCoy and the rest. Part of it was because Hoot Gibson's films were pretty unique and part of it was because it had an incredibly well written script--plus it was a comedy! The film begins with Hoot playing a character nicknamed 'Peaceful' Patton because the guy is so mild-mannered and meek. And, to boot, he was a complete mama's boy. However, using a familiar plot device, it turns out that Peaceful is the spitting image of another man--'The Hard Hombre'. This 'Hombre' has a reputation as a guy with a hair-trigger temper--and a guy who has killed many people. And so, when Peaceful goes to another town for a job, people recognize him as this Hard Hombre. Soon, Peaceful finds that everyone is suddenly VERY solicitous--and treat him with tons of deference and respect. At first, he's just baffled by it, but later, when he realizes what's happening, he takes full advantage of it! I would say more, but it would spoil the WONDERFUL ending.Overall, this is the best B-western I have seen...period. Hoot was a hoot, so to speak. His wonderful manner and delivery was great--especially since he was small and very non-macho compared to other cowboy stars of the day--making the plot work even better. See this film--you won't regret it.

About 20 minutes into this ultra-low budget early thirties oater it struck me that it might actually have been intended as a comedy, although nothing I had seen on screen had made me laugh. A slightly podgy chap named Hoot Gibson plays the lead character, a nice mother-loving, churchgoing (i.e. dull) cowboy called Peaceful Patten who bears an uncanny resemblance to a tough guy known only as The Hard Hombre. Patten applies for a job with the comely Spanish widow Martinez (the also-comely Lina Basquette) who gives him the task of recovering her 30 head of cattle stolen by evil pot-bellied Joe Barlow. Evil Joe mistakes Patten for the hard hombre and, having sold the cattle, meekly hands over a roll of bills.Now it's pretty obvious by this point that all Patten has to do is pretend to have threatened evil Joe for the money to have the grateful widow Martinez leading him to her boudoir by the hand, but sadly he's a little slow on the uptake – in fact, the film is nearly over before he realises how he can put the case of mistaken identity to good use (and even then it's not to get himself in the Signora's boudoir).Poverty Row film crews must have been falling over each other back in the early thirties as they roamed the Californian hills filming their 'b' movie westerns. Most of these films weren't very good, but this one is worse than most. Otto Brewer's direction is truly bad – he seems to have no idea of where best to place a camera or how to move it, and simply seems to have planted his cameraman in front of the actors and hoped for the best. It's one of the few westerns I've seen with virtually no gunplay, and the absence of any music is particularly noticeable in the so-called action scenes. Hoot Gibson makes an insipid hero – neither funny nor heroic – and looks like a middle-aged caretaker who still lives with his parents.Even by Poverty Row standards this one's a dud.

This movie starts out with "Peaceful Patton" (Hoot Gibson) riding right into the middle of a gunfight to try to get them to solve their problems without fighting. One immediately wonders what on Earth is wrong with him (perhaps he was dropped on his head numerous times as a baby) as this movie has an extremely weird take on what might otherwise be cliché (for example - if Don Knotts was in the role), but that's what makes it so amusing in parts, I guess.Seriously, having a "rule" to not fight certainly doesn't mean you are going to go way out of your way to make sure you get killed; in other words, Patton seems totally oblivious to almost every facet of reality around him for the first half-hour. Oh well, as long as his mother is happy (although she tends to shout and nag a lot). It is about halfway through the movie before Patton comes to see that people think he's the "Hard Hombre", but then the movie goes quickly downhill from that point, especially when Patton then actually has a gun for a short time (thus simply throwing his lifelong "rule" out the window for the sole benefit of hamming it up for no discernible reason) - kind of ruins the continuity and previous takes.The "Mexican" women certainly act, sound, and look a lot more like FRENCH maids. In fact, sometimes they sound so "French", it's like they're doing bad Napolean impressions. To be honest, I was seriously expecting a "certainly monsieur" in several scenes, and had this movie been filmed in Paris, I probably wouldn't have noticed. The Mexican man about 20 minutes in isn't much better - he sounds more like Werner Klemperer in an episode of "Hogan's Heroes".What I learned from this movie - "The Golden Rule" means "ladies first".I won't reveal the ending, but you'll probably be rolling on the floor with it.6/10

Fairly numbing western here, about a guy "Peaceful Patton" who's not afraid to wade into the middle of a gunfight to ask them to "come on out and talk it over peaceful!" Nothing doing! They're in the middle of a land war! Patton decides to get a job with a "mexican" lady And by "Mexican" I have to put that in quotes because Lina Basquette does, well, a BAD Spanish accent here. (Supposedly she was Hitler's favorite actress!). Anyways, there's rumblings around that Hard Hombre, a deadly criminal, is in the area. Somehow Patton is thought to be Hombre, and then everyone bows down to him, instead of treating him like the joke he is. Oddly enough, Patton DOESN'T deny at first he was Hombre, making this either believe that this was a brilliant twist, or just plain bad writing. Soon, Patton (as Hombre) brokers a land deal between the cowboys, until of course, the real Hombre comes along.,. Hoot Gibson (!!!) is alright I guess, but the script here is just awful, trundling from one boring scenario to another. You can tell when it's cheap by looking at the strange exterior scenes and how everything looks like it was filmed in an upscale neighborhood, when it's supposed to be a midwest town..