The Secret of Loch Ness (2008)

Please don't spend money on this.

A Masterpiece!

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

"Das Wunder von Loch Ness" or "Das Geheimnis von Loch Ness" or "The Secret of Loch Ness" is a German 1.5-hour film from 2008 for the small screen and this one was directed by Michael Rowitz, who is also one of the four writers here. Yep so many and the outcome is so horrible. Really no idea what they were thinking. German film buffs may recognize one name or the other in here, even if you may say that there are no really big names attached to this project. One core problem here is that lead actor Lukas Schust is really unbearably bad and misses all the right notes from start to finish, early on especially. (Shocking to see he is still acting nowadays. I really hope he improved in the last decade.) The consequence is that I not only found it difficult to care for his character, let alone hope he will find happiness, but I found him pretty annoying to be honest. His line delivery was as bad as many of the lines written for him that felt really unauthentic for a kid his age and yes even if he is a know-it all-loner nerd.The rest of the story isn't any better. Enough said already that a boy his age effortlessly ends up in Scotland near Loch Ness. Okay he had help from Grandpa, but still. Grandpa by the way played by Karl Merkatz, a big star in Austria and very famous there for a long time, but really only there. His character was also one of really not many positive, or at least not horrible, aspects. I would add that little mix between E.T. and Gollum in this category as well. This is where the film succeeds from the fantasy genre perspective. But even with this going in the film's favor, there is so so much in here with which it does not get away at all, especially in terms of unrealistic coincidence, like when the boy runs into that television guy right after reaching Scotland. At the end the film also has a tendency to take itself more seriously than it has any right to. And yeah as if everything before that wasn't bad enough already, the writers also give us a feel-good ending rushed in after everything is broken minutes earlier too. He left her because she never said she loved him? Okay. The comedy is almost never a success in here either. The best example is the permanent arguing between the parents with a gun in their faces and they could not care less. Was this supposed to be funny? Ugh. And then the makers remember it's mostly a kids film and they at least need to have the villain panic when his gun is fired. This film really was a gigantic failure and the title is also not too great because honestly I expected way more Nessie references in here, but with slight script alterations the film really could have played in every other corner of the world too. This is not a film you want your kids to see quality-wise. It is pretty horrible. It is also embarrassing that not even the landscapes were particularly nice to watch and Scotland is really beautiful. Oh wait this may have to do with the fact that this was not even shot in Scotland. What a Mogelpackung as we say here in Germany. But you know what's even worse than this film? The answer is that some awards bodies actually honored this mess and the consequence is that they made a sequel. Shame on you people. I give this first film a huge thumbs-down. Highly not recommended.

Young, grade-schooler Tim, is smart and, sometimes, smart-alecky. This is mostly due to his lack of a father, for he is being raised by a single mother. This doesn't prevent Tim from being very curious about his father, who took off long ago, and he often looks at the one photo available to him. But, wait! One day Tim catches a show on the television and finds out his dad is a famous scientist at Loch Ness, trying to find the answers to the monster's mystery. Since Tim lives in Germany, getting on a plane by himself is difficult but, pulling several stunts with his Grandpa's help, Tim makes it to Scotland. All too soon, the young lad learns his father is a busy man and may not want to meet the son he has NEVER known existed. So, Tim puts off the information for awhile. But, unhappily, when Tim falls in the water one day, he is rescued by an underwater gnome who has a significant golden treasure in an underwater cave. The mythological man knows quite a bit about the monster, too. The gnome trusts the little boy NOT to reveal his secrets but there is a traitor on the scientist's staff who sniffs out the possibility that the boy has discovered something valuable and this man resolves to follow the lad. Meanwhile, of course, Tim's mother is frantic but soon she, too, is traveling to Scotland to find her Tim and to come face to face with the man she thought betrayed her long ago. What will result? This German kids' film is okay but nothing outstanding. To make matters worse, the dubbing is not great. Yes, the film starts off at a face pace and has some good story lines about a very bright boy looking for his newly discovered father. But, instead of concentrating on Nessie, the plot shifts to gnomes, secret caves, and nonsense unrelated to the monster at all. In fact, Nessie appears VERY sparingly so kids wanted a big behemoth kind of movie will not be totally satisfied. Yest, for all of this, the flick is certainly an acceptable choice for children. Buy or borrow it at your own discretion.