Death, Deceit & Destiny Aboard the Orient Express (2001)

Admirable film.

Although I seem to have had higher expectations than I thought, the movie is super entertaining.

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

I was short of something to do this afternoon and saw this on the listings - big mistake! Wooden acting and sets that defy description are just part of the problem. For example the train carriages must be 20 feet wide - the corridors are about 6 feet and the compartments even more. If you've ever been on a real train with compartments (sleeping or otherwise) you'll know just how cramped they are.As for the acting, well I try not to use foul language, but in this case it's the only way to describe it - so I'll just leave it at that.In all I'd recommend that anyone thinking of watching it doesn't bother - unless you have no taste at all!

The only reason to watch this film is to see a future Academy Award winning actor doing something abjectly horrible to pay the bills.The best part is when Waltz skips off through the train laughing maniacally towards the end. The rest is just... poorly acted rubbish. If you're watching this with the desire to see more of Waltz acting in English... do yourself a favor, and skip it.Everyone has a few stinkers in their back pocket and this is Mr. Waltz's. Mark Roper must be a pseudonym for garbage as this, and Queens Messenger (Queen's Mess) are just horrid, flawed, nonsensical films with terrible acting, cheap locations, and plots that make no sense whatsoever.

1 – If that alleged terrorist of the movie invited the most rich people on earth to plunder their money through 10 % of everyone's fortune then why by any chance he invited a trivial movie star who gains just 20 million dollars every year ?!! Why to bring one man who could get something near 200 thousands dollars in the same time that you already have others whom could get 200 million ? Extremely idiot.. and I don't mean the terrorist ! 2 – This very invitation was top secret. Fine. So how about all the people whom saw the guests at the railway station before they get into the train at that long one shoot scene where for instance some fans wanted the autograph of the young singer, and the girls were just pathetically crazy about (Richard Grieco) ??!! 3 – I can't believe that the stars of Hollywood's Action movies are an action heroes in real life. In fact all the action stars whom that graceful and bold to the extent that they don't need any stunts were not Americans all along (Jean-Paul Belmondo) for example, and (Jackie Chan) for another. Moreover having Mr. (Richard Grieco) as the great courageous adventurous was something not only unbelievable but also provocative !4 – When (Grieco) and the Russian girl were above the train holding the bomb and not knowing at all what could stop it, (Grieco) said "Let us try" !!, and he was aware that if he was wrong they would go BOOOM ! But he said "Let us try", so he must be very much brave or very much stupid ?5 – Despite that I didn't understand what is the dramatic benefit of (Grieco) killing the Russian big guy, I think that the Russian ballerina was too fat to be one in the first place ! Not to mention how she was capable of climbing the train more than once ! Or why she climbs ? Maybe anybody meets (Grieco) becomes in need of being a hero OR killing himself anyway !6 – How the mobile phone mogul could stop all the bombs by the phones ?! 7 – The repeating of the shoots' angles, with the poorness of the set made a visually boring rhythm, plus the pleasure of watching (Grieco)'s thin eyebrows for all the time also.. That demands more than human patience to stand it !8 – The message of the movie or even its obvious point of view : all the eastern half of the world is dead set on being nothing but lustful (the wealthy young man from the southeast of Asia), disloyal (his twin brother), bestial rapist (the Russian guy), or terrorist hates the west (The Turkish kidnapper), and most of them got killed at the end simply because they're too dumb or too selfish to survive. On the other hand all the western characters seemed smarter, braver, and despite their own weakness and defects they can unite heroically. This kind of formula that the movie presents didn't make my day to say the least !9 – The goofs of this movie were maybe more than Grieco's haters all over the world (No.. It can't exceed 500 million !) I mean so many : the train is so slow while (Grieco) under it to terminate the bombs, the air bag that one of the stunts jumps over it (as one bad guy falls from the train) was so clear and its color was white !, at the last facing where (Grieco) was threatening the poor terrorist, (Grieco)'s face was all covered by his long hair ??! Actually he could have ended the terrorist plainly if he let him watch one of his movies but he was that merciful !10 – The long title; which is the worst to a degree would make this movie historically known as bad one in a funny way !I liked the music it was better than the movie in some parts, I liked the plot it was new as a train situation's movie, but the whole movie was something that can't be beloved as it seemed sometimes like a good atmosphere for a porn film with actors were looking like the ones whom used to be in similar productions. Sorry but with the zero budget and the zero talents I felt powerfully like that.Although it was like a terrorist crime in itself but there is a good lesson that you would learn from it : Don't watch movies by (Richard Grieco) again !

I realize that Agatha Christie does not legally own the Orient Express, but I have to say that if THIS crap-fest is any indication, cinematically, she owns it outright. But even without factoring this against Christie's Murder On The Orient Express, this film is pure detritus.This is about a terrorist and the celebrities he traps aboard a bomb-laden Orient Express. Or, so the synopsis says. What it was in actuality, was a flick wherein the heroines trip over their own feet, drop the gun and as it goes off it kills the bad guys, and any other contrived and clichéd piece of fecal matter it could find to insert.This is probably one of the worst movies along this vein I've ever had the displeasure of having been forced to watch. There is not one single redeeming factor about this work, including Mark Roper the director. The truth be known, if you want a "B" action flick done cheaply without a single concern for lack of budget or talent? Hire Mark Roper. He's your man.All in all? Don't waste your time. Watch Murder on the Orient Express instead. It may be dated, but it's still a beautiful piece of film. THIS is overrated crap and will always BE overrated crap.It rates a 1.9/10 from...the Fiend :.