Snakes on a Train (2006)

Highly Overrated But Still Good

Admirable film.

This is a gorgeous movie made by a gorgeous spirit.

One of the worst ways to make a cult movie is to set out to make a cult movie.

First of all, I am an enthusiastic connoisseur of B-movies (as you know if you've read any of my other reviews) and I am a dedicated fan of "Snakes on a Plane" even after all the hype has passed. I even have a Snakes on a Plane movie poster in my room. Let me be absolutely clear, "Snakes on a Train" is NOT AT ALL similar to Snakes on a Plane. I was thinking and hoping it'd be like a much cheaper version, but the truth is that it's about as similar to Snakes on a Plane as a shark is similar to a soda can.I had to watch "Snakes on a Train" out of curiosity. Fortunately, it was uploaded in segments on YouTube so I didn't have to spend any money on it. I still felt a horrible feeling both during and after I saw it. This is a film that truly got absolutely nothing right.Number one, Asylum Home Entertainment should apologize for false advertising. There are absolutely not "100 Trapped Passengers - 3,000 Venomous Vipers," not even close! There are only about a dozen or so dull uninteresting "passengers" and maybe two dozen snakes (at most) which are garter snakes and ball pythons (so much for the "Venomous Vipers" that the box promises).Then, the next problem is the extremely boring story that is told in the slowest possible way. A woman has a curse on her and so she vomits snakes up her throat. She vomits them while they are traveling on a train. When the snakes bite other people, they start vomiting out snakes too. And mind you, all of this happens more slowly than a snail crosses the road. It drags on and on and on. There are no panic scenes or action scenes at all (until the very end of the movie that is). No trying to escape from the surrounding snakes, just talking and talking (about nothing interesting) while the woman in back is vomiting up more snakes. Oh yeah, and there is dull "subplot" about a girl delivering illegal drugs and a cop catching her, and predictably the cop is corrupt and is a pervert.As I implied above, the characters in this movie are extremely dull. In fact so dull, that you wonder how they got hired for a movie, even a direct to DVD movie from the Asylum! The only tiny redeeming quality this movie might have is that the ending is unintentionally funny (I don't reveal endings, even in reviews that I have marked for containing spoilers. You can look that up if you want to know). The rest of the movie is far too boring to be funny, intentionally or unintentionally. Needless to say the sets are awful too, as it looks like they crammed bunk-beds and seats into a long hall way and called it a train.I feel let down. Couldn't Asylum have at least made a rip off that you could laugh at? I don't know how they thought to make this film. Staring at paint dry for the 91 min. run-time is a better use of your time than watching this garbage.

I picked this DVD up for 3.99 at rogers video in order to get enough points to get a better movie for free. I never actually was planning on watching this but it started poking at my curiosity and i finally decided to pop in it the DVD player. The effects in this movie are horrible and cheap. Some of the dialog in this movie sounds like it was written by a swear happy 12 year old boy. The acting is really cheesy in some parts, and the "action" scenes are completely laughable. You'll burst out laughing at some parts which was a positive for me because it kept me mildly entertained. The plot is some girl has a curse on her which causes her to vomit snakes so some shaman has to get her to Los Angeles, there are also two girls trying to smuggle drugs there and a few other people that are unimportant to the plot, not that there really is a plot at all.Don't expect anything from this movie and don't listen to the cover, there are not 100 passengers and 3,000 vipers, there are 10 passengers and 20 random snakes.As for the DVD, there is a trailer which is almost as laughable as the film, a blooper reel which is just one shot over and over of one actor trying to say train, and the deleted scenes are really pointless, if they weren't good enough to stay in this movie they must be pretty bad. There is also a really bad making of featurette which doesn't really show much at all except that the people involved with this movie were kind of idiots. I can't recommend it unless you want a really bad movie that you can laugh at with friends. I give it 2 kitty cats out of 5.

Snakes on a Train starts as Mexican couple Brujo (A.J. Castro) & Alma (Julia Ruiz) cross the boarder into the US, they then illegally board a seventeen hour train to Los Angeles. However Alma's family didn't approve of her & Brujo's relationship & placed an ancient black magic curse on her that turns all her insides into snakes, ain't life a b*tch? As the snakes pour out of Alma's mouth & slither away to other parts of the train they begin to infect the other passengers with the same unusual ailment...Edited & directed by the Mallachi Brothers (although the IMDb claims it's just one guy using a pseudonym, Peter Mervis) one has to say that I thought Snakes on a Train was crap, it's as simple as that really. It seems the entire film was set-up & made to cash in on the Samuel L. Jackson cult flick Snakes on a Plane (2006) by every horror fans least favourite production company the Asylum who specialise in ripping-off big budget Hollywood flicks & that style of money & film-making is no more evident than here with Snakes on a Train, making a film just because the title rhymes with a more successful film is not a good starting point. The script by Eric Forsberg is rubbish, for a start Snakes on a Plane was great fun whereas Snakes on a Train is a lot more serious & when you actually break it down & look at it this should have been much more light hearted. In fact it probably would have worked better as an Scary Movie (2000) type spoof. You know something, I am struggling to find one positive thing to say about Snakes on a Train it's that bad. For a start the character's are rubbish & it's impossible to emote with anyone, the story is downright awful & makes no sense (if people spew all those small snakes up where did the huge ones come from? Why did Alma turn into the giant snake at the end? Why did Bujo kill the train driver? How was he going to stop the train once it reached Los Angeles? Where did that typhoon come from at the end?), it takes itself far too seriously, the first seventy odd minutes is so boring & uneventful I am surprised I stayed awake & it's just a very, very poor film on just about every level.Director Mervis only has a few train carriage car sets which all look pretty much alike so the film becomes very repetitive & dull to watch. There's barely any blood or gore, there are some snakes borrowing under a few peoples skin, someone gets shot & that's about it. The special effects are rubbish too, the giant CGI snake at the end is truly awful & the least said about it the better. It's not scary, there's zero atmosphere & it's a bit of a bore from start to finish. The real live snakes are a problem too, they are just so docile & nonthreatening. If you look at any scene featuring a real snake & an actor the snakes never make any move towards them or act aggressively & in fact always appear to want to slither away in the opposite direction.Shot in California technically the film is obviously low budget & it show's, basically it looks cheap because it is. The acting isn't great not that the actor's are given any sort of material to work with.Snakes on a Train is rubbish, I am sorry but that's how I feel & I don't quite know how else to describe it. I really can't see what anyone would get out of watching Snakes on a Train, it really is that bad.

Snakes on a Train (2006, Dir. The Mallachi Brothers) A Zombie curse is placed upon a woman, which causes her to have living snakes inside her. Brujo, who is looking after her, attempts to take her to Los Angeles on the train. After several confrontations on the train, Brujo's collection of snakes manage to separate themselves from their owner and go on the hunt. Whilst all this is happening, normal, everyday passengers are relaxing, what is unknown to them is that something deadly is heading their way, and that their is no were out.After watching the wonderfully fun 'Snakes on a Plane', i had to check this out. I knew it was going to be a rip-off and that the film will look cheap, but what i found was worst to watch. The whole curse plot was silly and should never have been included. The special effects aren't terrible but are not the best looking. I did not have a clue about the ending. It was silly to watch and pathetic. The acting was absolutely terrible, and looked bad. They just could not act to save their lives. If you want a great laugh, watch this, otherwise you should really avoid this."We have a runaway train. I repeat. We have a runaway train." - Conductor (Stephen A.F. Day)