Street Team Massacre (2007)

Very disappointing...

How sad is this?

Absolutely the worst movie.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

What's more delicious than an all-natural beverage that is nutritious and tastes spectacular? How about two? Jock Juice and Eco-Lixir are competing for thirst dominance by handing out free samples. Jock Juice, the clear front-runner, is willing to sink to any level to win... even secretly switching their competitor's drink with an expired product line that tested horribly wrong.The press release for this film says it comes "from two guys that once made a gay yeti movie". That might interest you, and believe me it's even better than that bait lets on. The "two guys" are Adam Deyoe and Eric Gosselin, who are (if nothing else) some of the best dialogue writers I've had the pleasure to come across.The dialogue is, unfortunately, the film's strong point and its downfall. The first half of the movie is primarily scenes of the juice companies hawking their wares, and an endless stream of one-liners springs forth from the mouths of the salespeople. I'd say "dozens" or "scores", but they really do seem endless. There's a great line about Chuck Yeager breaking the sound barrier while getting some action from Asian school girls. There's a masturbatorium on a "rape farm" (possibly a "Running With Scissors" reference?). We learn Mango Madness is not to be used as an anal douche. And, one of the best lines of all: after a female character says she hopes to make enough money so her relative can have an operation and live, another character remarks that they will "make enough money that we can all get operations and live!" I cracked up pretty hard.So, how is this a downfall? Because the second half is a low-budget zombie film. The crew knows full well they're scraping the bottom of the budget barrel (with no effort whatsoever going in to making unibrows look real, for example). So I can't criticize them for taking the film too seriously -- they don't. But upon switching from dialogue to "gore", the film doesn't have much to offer. Ripping out guts and slashing throats without creating any wounds? Very cheesy. Compare this to the independent films of Tommy Brunswick, which I've recently been watching: she found ways to achieve professional-level gore on the lowest budget. Had the "Street Team" crew pulled this off, the film could have been something great.Blood and gore problems aside, the film is still better than many no-budget films out there. I can't stress the funny dialogue enough (even the opening scene with a Mango Madness taste test was all it took to hook me in). But I also have to give credit to the original music, which is funny and talented (I would kill my dog for a copy of the soundtrack). And the guest stars... Roddy Piper? Lloyd Kaufman (who has a sizable role and delivers greatness each moment on screen)? And George Hardy, who you might recall from "Troll 2" (although I question your taste in films if you've been watching "Troll 2").Overall, a great film, especially if you only watch the first half. If there was some way to remake this with a bigger budget without losing the independent flavor and the great cast, I'd suggest it. But, sadly, I think this just isn't possible. I recommend "Street Team Massacre" -- it's a barrel of laughing monkeys. I just can't give it a full endorsement as it spirals into a "kids playing with the parents' camera" film... sorry, guys. Maybe it needs a gay yeti?