Bacterium (2006)

Sadly Over-hyped

One of my all time favorites.

If you like to be scared, if you like to laugh, and if you like to learn a thing or two at the movies, this absolutely cannot be missed.

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

Plot Spoilers: A man with bad skin crashes into a tree while being followed by a helicopter with flame throwers. Two guys in Tyvex suits, open neck, wearing a respirator with no filter, grab the package, start NY on fire while we watch the credits. The military has created a virus in a film called Bacterium, a virus that isn't carbon based maybe, and mutates. Some young adults wander into the unmarked quarantine area while playing paint ball. Alison Whitney is forced to get naked in my PG-13 film.The film had the low budget 50's quality to the blob. Most of the film was in the category "so bad it is good" The board room needed to be more like 'Dr. Strangelove." I think Piper missed an opportunity for good satire. You have to laugh at the stupidity. Similar to a Polonia Brothers production.

A group of young folks finds themselves trapped in a cabin with a dangerous biological experiment. Meanwhile, the military outside do what they can to contain the lethal contagion before it gets too out of control and threatens to destroy all of mankind.While writer/director Brett Piper fails to generate much in the way of tension, he nonetheless keeps the enjoyable and engrossing story moving along at a snappy enough pace, treats the familiar material with admirable sincerity, delivers a handy helping of goopy gore, makes cool use of nifty old school practical special effects, and pulls out the thrilling stops at the exciting conclusion. Moreover, the lively acting from the enthusiastic cast keeps this movie humming: Alison Whitney as the feisty Beth, Benjamin Kanes as sarcastic nice guy Jiggs, Jessica Day as the hard-nosed Major Larson, Chuck McMahon as the unhinged and obsessive Dr. Boskovic, and Rob Mankiewicz as macho biker Jed. Marc Cavello's slick cinematography boasts lots of snazzy visual flourishes. Jon Greathouse's spirited shuddery score hits the stirring spot. A pretty fun little flick.

I'd like to sincerely thank the makers of this film, for showing that this type of thing can still get made.Is Bacterium great art/cinema? No. But I like to imagine that the filmmakers may well have said, when it was all edited and done and the last booger flicked away, "No, we didn't have a kerjillion dollars, but we made this with all the love we have, and now we offer it to you. Have a blast." Yes -- that is corny. I'm getting old.If you watched Deadly Spawn and loved it, give this a try.Obviously low budget? Check. Acting that veers wildly from watchable to really bad? Check. Kind-of-cheesy score that harks back to the 1970s or (brrr) 1980s? Check. Script that has giant holes, couldn't really be called "well-crafted," but is occasionally quite clever? Check. Distinct lack of flawless, soulless CGI? Check. Other distinct lack of Keanu Reeves or Kevin Costner standing around being out-acted by the cinematography? Double check.Friends, I didn't think this was even possible any more. Okay, Bacterium has longeurs, especially early on, but once the booger monsters get going, watch out! And these brave, brave actors: they may not rise to the levels of your Olivier or your Carrot Top, but -- they not only do fierce battle with big balls of half-dried snot, they sometimes roll around in them.In the end I love Bacterium 200,000% more than any given product of multi-million-mega-McDisney-wood, if only because it ISN'T all about the money.

'Bacterium' is a movie almost impossible to vote for, because from one minute to the next, it mutates from a 1 to a 10 or vice versa. The scene where the scientist talks about his super-bomb, while the politicians don't understand a word of his scientific explanations and decide to just toss a coin (to bomb or not to bomb, that is the question) is the funniest scene of that kind since 'Dr Strangelove'. On the other hand, the movie has rather tedious scenes in the military guys' HQ and the house as well, for example when the kids are watching the monster crawling in circles and growing a bit, then crawling some more and growing some more... you might watch the pond with the goldfish instead. Of course you would miss the hot chick then, taking her clothes off for a decontamination shower. Strangely enough, no-one else in the whole movie needed a decontamination shower, must be one of those purely coincidental things. In the end, with its ingredients (bikers, monsters, mad scientists), 'Bacterium' is cool despite the occasional flaws (paint-ball?) along the way.