Battlefield Earth (2000)

That was an excellent one.

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Never have I ever been so angry while watching a movie and yet so incredibly tired. I don't think I've yawned this much since watching Red Zone Cuba. I should probably preface this by saying I'm a huge fan of the original novel this film is based off of, a 1000 page epic that combines the setting of Planet of the Apes with the storytelling of I am Legend. It's a good book and I highly recommend reading or listening to it. But even after all that I was not prepared for the sheer level of awful that this movie was. Every actor is miscast, every set and costume look too fake, the cinematography literally makes this film almost impossible to watch, the music is unmemorable, every shot is bathed in hideous garish color filters, and the plot holes....oh god the plot holes. Not only are there thousands of things that don't make sense from just watching the movie on it's own, but after reading the book I saw that they deliberately went the extra mile to not make sense! The acting and dialog are the stuff of legends, some times the actors forget to react, or start laughing or howling out of nowhere. And this film might have the cheapest and lamest special effects I've seen that wasn't part of the Syfy channel. And even after all of that I was still so very tired and bored watching this, that's a special brand of bad film making right there. If you can make it through this two hour monstrosity, you have my respect.

Why are so many Hollyweird A-listers and others involved in scientology? It is the same deal with the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses as well. Let's all follow some goofy or dangerous cult leader who was already debunked in modern times as a big fraud, and continue to put faith and money into this idea and exploit others with it.L. Ron Hubbard(or Old Mother Hubbard in a Cupboard) was one of the biggest conmen of all time, and spent time living and investing with freaks like Jack Parsons(a US rocket specialist involved with the occult) and Aleister Crowley. He even conned them and his own friends out of money with fake deals. He has made so many stupid statements and false claims that it is laughable that a bum would join his church, much less a cast of Hollywood stars with millions of dollars. Like P.T. Barnum said, "There is a sucker born every minute". Maybe someone in the church was blackmailing Travolta for being gay all these years, and forced him to make this garbage??? Or maybe he is truly in love with Hubbard's baloney. At any rate, this whole affair reeks of extortion, blackmail, or absolute insanity. These guys look like deformed orcs from Lord of the Rings, and saying that the plot and aliens are stupid is an understatement. The only thing that could have made this drivel funnier would have been Travolta dancing around as the character from Grease, or forcing massage boys to rub his alien body. Scientology= remember kids, it makes people behave like Tom Cruise and make movies like Battlefield: Earth. I can't wait for a sequel!!!

In theory, a film about Battlefield Earth shouldn't be as bad as this. I've read parts of the book, and I'd give it a 6 (it's interesting, but it's pretty gaudy, cheesy and pulpy, and I seriously dislike the Scientology aspects Hubbard fitted into his book), but this...Firstly, the cinematography's ridiculous, namely the overuse of Dutch angles and the silly tinctures that the film uses (why did they use purple and orange so much?). Secondly, the acting's borderline Manos, especially from the actors for Tyler and Terl (Barry, John, you're lucky you survived this). Thirdly, the place women hold in the film is like something out of the most misogynistic '50s films, not a 2000 SF film. Finally, the plotting is preposterously patchy in how inconsistent and erratic it is (how would Tyler be allowed access to a rapid-learning machine, etc.). Mystery Science Theater 3000 could really shred into this one.I tried to approach this film objectively, much like how I approached the book objectively. And much like the results of the latter, this film is just a pulpy mess. I tried to riff it, which is my general coping mechanism when watching such a bad film, but 20 minutes in, I gave up. Save your standards. Try to stay away from this film.

Heh heh, I am amazed at how many thought this was horrible...from the moment I began watching, I could see the intent of the producers and the director. Battlefield Earth was never created to be an epic motion picture, but rather a spoof of just about every B scifi picture ever made. It has that "steam punk-ish" feel to it, yet has some really good special effects scenery. The actors play into the story line with a gusto, and there is never any doubt who the bad guy(s) are. Travolta plays the evil lead with beauty, reminiscent of the evil Warlord in Flash Gordon, heh heh...Come on guys, have a heart. This is creative movie making at it's best...