The Marine (2006)

How sad is this?

Best movie of this year hands down!

Great movie! If you want to be entertained and have a few good laughs, see this movie. The music is also very good,

Easily the biggest piece of Right wing non sense propaganda I ever saw.

Mainline goes that retarded idiots are robbing diamonds, and they get a wife of the stuff guy as a hostage. They don't do anything with that hostage, but they keep her, because they want to gets beaten up (i don't find any other reason) by the husband of the hostage (the Marine). If they had released the hostage, the marine would have lost his interest to robbers. Stupid story.If you want to watch retards in action, check this out. Marines role is okay and his wifes, but those criminals are just retarded idiots.

What could have been a good cheesy B-movie in the vein of COMMANDO turns out to be an absolutely awful, devastatingly bad attempt at making an action film by people who clearly haven't got a clue about the genre. It's a brain-dead effort chronicling the 'adventures' of an ex-marine, trying to bust the bad guys who have kidnapped his wife. A simple plot, and an excuse for lots of action you might think. Well, you'd be wrong. In fact there isn't much action in a film that is instead so badly written that my dog could have done better. Imagine playground dialogue, preposterous situations, and a total disregard for the laws of physics and you have THE MARINE, an all-new low in cinema.The saddest thing is that this film has had quite a budget spent on it. More than, say, something like Seagal's latest straight-to-DVD release. It's backed by WWE films, who I imagine won't be financing any more productions, and the target demographic appears to be black American teenagers, as the film is chock full of lame racial humour and bizarre music that doesn't really fit in. As the hero, John Cena is wooden beyond belief, offering no empathy into his character, no reason to back him or support him in his actions. He's a typical muscle man without a brain, all brawn and no acting skills. Opposite Cena is an actor who used to be good, before his career took a nose dive into the kind of B-movie pap that fills the shelves these days: it's none other than Robert Patrick, complete with a TERMINATOR in-joke at his expense. While Cena underacts, Patrick totally overdoes it, and he's never anything other than laughable. The rest of the cast are also pretty lame, especially Parker as comic relief and Carlson as the token blonde bimbo.Don't get me wrong, I love B-movie action films but this one really takes the biscuit. The only halfway decent moment is a car chase about halfway through that's totally overblown but nevertheless quite enjoyable. That's about all the action the film offers, and if watching a guy running through the swamps endlessly seems like your idea of fun, then go ahead and check this out. The set-piece in the wooden shack is badly handled and the laughable climax so, well, laughable that even the entertainment value suffers. Of course they can't resist one more cheesy back-from-the-dead shock but I was in no mood for forgiveness by the time this arose. The fight scenes are poorly handled, cutting away from the hits and without any skill on the parts of the actors. This is really bad stuff, terrible in fact, with only a couple of decent explosions to recommend it. C-grade trash...

Here Are Just Some of the Reasons You Should Check Out This Movie…...Discharge the Marine......More Unbelievable Than Transporter 2......Horrible and Stupid!... One of the Worst Movies I Can Remember Viewing......Trash Quality But Not in a Funny Way......John Cena Fan, But Damn This Was Horrible......An Abomination......Oooow! My God, but Not in a Good Way......This Movie Sucks......Stick to Wrestling John......The Director Assumes We are all Idiots......Even Though I Didn't Pay to See This Movie, I Want My Money Back......Jeezo, I Need Some Whiskey......This has to be the Worst Movie Ever Made......Just Horrible!......A Piece of Utter Sh**t!......Very, Very, Bad......This Film has Performed a Miracle, It Both Sucks and Blows......Waste of Time and Money......Redefines the Word Awful...…I Have Sena Nuff......Horrible Movie......OMG! Words Almost Fail Me......Worst Movie Ever Made......The Suckiest of the Sucks......Waste of Time, Shame on U if U Watch It......Another Lame Attempt at Creating an Action Hero......This is What Happens When a Movie is Written by Guys with "Roid Rage"......The Preceding Comments Were Brought to You by the Summaries From Your Friends Here at IMDb…...Add to That, As of This Date, The Movie has 3 Sequels…...So Check This One Out...You Will Not Be Disappointed.

"WWE productions" might have been a dead giveaway, but "The Marine" is a brainless, loud action flick padded with stuff blowing up. The plot concerns an ex-marine named John (John Cena) who has been discharged for disobeying orders. John has trouble readjusting to normal life, seeing as he's got an unspoken urge to kill or blow something up every 24 hours. When a group of jewel thieves, headed by Rome (Robert Patrick) steal John's van and take his wife Kate (Kelly Clarkson) hostage they will soon find out that they messed with the wrong man. John just happened to bring along his deadliest weapon: himself! (That's a line from the back of the DVD cover but it's so ridiculous I had to include it).You can enjoy "The Marine" as an action movie because to be frank, it's so over-the-top and ridiculous it becomes kind of fun. The characters are absurd and badly written, the action is so insane it would make some action stars from the 80's blush and the acting is pretty lackluster. When it comes to our hero, he's pretty much just a block of wood that walks around showing off his awesome marine skills and killing bad guys. Aside from the fact that he doesn't like to be messed with, loves his wife and that serving in the army meant everything to him, you don't know anything about the guy. With a central character like this you'd expect to be bored out of your skull, but that's when the villains come in.The bad guys are made to be over-the-top slimy and it's glorious. Rome is the leader of the group and the guy's a complete lunatic. He's the kind of person that will kill his own minions on a whim, feels no remorse about murdering innocent civilians and to be extra evil, will betray anyone if need be. He employs the nuttiest minions on his heist. We've got the sexy female girlfriend who's just as ruthless as he is. She's in the movie for some cheap titillation and to have a cat fight with Kelly Clarkson (inexplicably, no nudity in this Unrated film). The rest are just generic mooks with a big target on their chests that are begging for our hero to kill them. The one exception is Morgan (Anthony Ray Parker), the mad dog who screws up every single mission because he just loves killing people and blowing stuff up.What works with the movie, sometimes unintentionally are the action sequences. There are some pretty cool sequences where John murders the forces of evil one by one by blowing them up, choking them, shooting them or even throwing them at moving vehicles. This movie also helps you stay invested by having a massive explosion every 15 minutes or so. Yeah that means our hero is constantly jumping out of windows and narrowly evading huge fireballs, but he also takes a sledgehammer to the ribcage without wincing too much so just assume he's some sort of Terminator at this point. As a "So Bad it's good movie" you can make plenty of jokes at the actors' expense, poking fun at the plot and such. What prevents it from pure "bad" gold is the horrendous comedy. Most of it revolves around Morgan and his stupid dueling banjo moments and references to "Deliverance", but there was one joke I have to bring to your attention. The setup is that John is chasing the bad guys in what is clearly not a police car because it's some kind of sports car painted black and white with signal lights at the top and it is being hit by hundreds of rounds of ammo. The car's roof gets ripped clean off and to protect himself, John picks up a bullet-proof vest and holds it up in the air as a shield. The villains are just as baffled as the audience. That makes no sense; you can't do that! One of the criminals yells "What is this guy?! The Terminator?" Then the camera zooms in on Robert Patrick and he gives the camera a look like "Yes you're right... that was me in 1991". It's a bad joke that left me with many questions. So in this Marine universe, there's a movie called "Terminator" and from the characters' delivery of that line, it sounds like it's the same movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger that we know. Does that mean that in this universe there's a sequel where the T-1000 is played by a guy who just happens to look incredibly similar to Roman? Do people go up to him and ask for his autograph all the time because they confuse the two? Could it be that in this universe, actor Robert Patrick turned out to be some kind of sociopath and after that movie moved on to a life of crime and changed his name? I know it's just a stupid joke, but this plot is so bland and predictable that it pulled me right out of the experience.Even for a movie starring a pro-wrestler, there's no reason for writing this poor. It's a bad movie but it does redeem itself a bit. Kelly Clarkson is actually pretty good in her role, Robert Patrick has either lost his mind completely or is having fun playing a bad guy, the special effects are good and the action is so out-there that you've never seen anything like the more elaborate action sequences. For those moments, it's fun. For the comedy, lead and story, it's dumb. Here's what you've got to do. Get yourself a bunch of friends, pop this movie into your DVD player and just laugh at the action. Bring some popcorn to throw at the screen when anyone says a bad joke. If you do that, it's a pretty solid "So Bad it's good" action movie. (Unrated version on DVD, May 30, 2014)