Bikini Girls on Ice (2009)

Touches You

Pretty Good

I'll tell you why so serious

The plot isn't so bad, but the pace of storytelling is too slow which makes people bored. Certain moments are so obvious and unnecessary for the main plot. I would've fast-forwarded those moments if it was an online streaming. The ending looks like implying a sequel, not sure if this movie will get one

Some movies you just know are going to be bad, and normally I'm able to resist their siren call; but with this one, like a car wreck you have to rubberneck, it just has to be looked at. I think it was the title (I admit it, I'm a movie snob, but I'm still superficial at times).This is a by-the-numbers slasher flick, with all the usual elements: Good Girl Protagonist, Morally Corrupt Associates, The Cute Guy She Really Likes, Abandoned Setting, Warning By Kooky Local Which Goes Ignored, People Going Off Alone So They Can Be Easily Killed, Killer With Vanishing Skills That Would Make A Ninja Green With Envy, and the Indestructible Killer (did I miss any? I tend to avoid slasher movies, so I may have missed a few).However, there were two important points the makers missed, the Killer's Backstory and the Virgin's Revenge. Now, with the Killer's Backstory, I'm sure that had there been one it would have made little difference in the overall quality of the film, but it would've been nice to have some reason why he did what he did.My degree in Armchair Psychology tells me this guy grew up in an abusive home by a single parent (I'm not sure which). Given his penchant for cutting off his victims' bikini tops, either he watched as his father brought home women and focused on their breasts or his mother liked going around the house topless. As for his apparent sexual thrusting during his kills, he was probably caught masturbating and beaten within an inch of his life and now has severe performance anxiety.As for the Virgin's Revenge, missing this one is practically a cardinal sin. You've seen it once, you've seen it a million times. The morally pure protagonist, having spent the first 90% of the movie trying to escape the killer, now faces down the deranged killer all by herself and only by casting aside her puritanical values is she able to defeat him.But in this, aside from throwing a knife into his neck, the protagonist keeps running around screaming and asking him why he's doing what he's doing. Only a timely arrival by the Kooky Local (now armed with a shotgun) saves her. What's more, we don't even see this final battle, instead we are treated to a close up of her eyes. Granted, in real life this is exactly what would happen, but this isn't real life, this is a slasher flick.Usually, when I go into a movie with low expectations, there is always something that keeps it from being a complete waste of my time, but this one actually managed to come in under my expectations. I think I'm going to watch "Scream" now to see a slasher movie done right.

I found this film - which is a great deal less titillating than the salacious title would have you believe - interesting. Not good, but interesting.It is an absolutely generic slasher movie in which, for reasons which do not matter in the slightest, a bunch of bikini-clad girls are stranded at a deserted petrol station following which they are killed, one by one, by a pump attendant who communicates solely in snarls.On the plus side - and this is what I found interesting - the film is well photographed. Night lighting is good, camera placement and shot selection is all thoughtful, and a moderate amount of technical proficiency seems to have gone into the mechanics of making the film. And the girls are a) cute, b) in bikinis (as advertised), and c) entirely without the aid of surgical enhancement.However, the film is trite and derivative, the killer is without motive or sense, and while there may be moderate suspense at times, there are no surprises whatsoever: the whole thing is predictable from start to finish. Therefore, on a creative level, the film must be considered a failure.

If you are a horror geek you can't get a better title than Bikini Girls On Ice. One reason to give Geoff Klein (director and writer) a big cheer. Secondly, they knew how to promote their slasher, put a girl on the cover of the DVD wearing a revealing bikini, another cheer. So far the good points, sadly it's down hill from here on. It's really a slasher but one we have seen a thousand times. Nothing is explained about the killer, not who he is or why he's killing or why he use ice. Of course, once the girls have a break down with their bus on the way to a bikini car wash they've been warned by a local that something is terrible wrong with the abandoned gas station. The killer itself is believable but there is no gore in it. It's all filmed from the view of the victim so you only see him hitting and smashing heads. Now and then you see a bit of blood spurting on the lens. Just at the end it is enjoyable due the suspense given. And then there are of course the girls. Admit it, you not only watched it for the horror but also for the juggs. And it's a bit flat (no pun intended) on that way too. With a title like that you expect that the bikini's will be removed, well I have to disappoint you freaks, just one girl show her titties. And talking about their boobs, I guess the Americans will be disappointed by the 'natural' breasts by the girls. For the other geeks worldwide, there are no two-a penny fake tits wannabees. Maybe Suzi Lorraine has fake ones, she's the most loaded of them all. And have a look, the title really worked, I'm talking more about that than about the horror.

Bikini Girls on Ice starts as a group of several teenage college friends prepare to raise some funds by holding a bikini car wash where several hot teenage girls wearing very revealing bikini's will wash your car, for money. Brother's Blake (Tarek Gader) & Tommy (Ivan Peric) have laid on the transport, an old school bus that breaks down on the way to wherever they are going. Stuck at an old, seemingly abandoned gas station the girls decide to hold their bikini car wash there to make the best out of a bad situation. However all is not well as a psycho mechanic gas station attendant named Moe (William Jarand) start to kill them all one by one...This Canadian production was co-written, co-produced & directed by Geoff Klein & is really scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of entertainment value, basically Bikini Girls on Ice is one of the most simplistic & pointless films I can remember seeing. Even as a teen slasher Bikini Girls on Ice is shallow, a group of good looking teens, most of whom are virtually naked save for some skimpy bikini's, break down in an isolated area & then start getting killed by some psycho. Character background is none existent, we know the girls are friends but other than that they are cardboard cutouts, the killer is just a guy who doesn't say anything & whenever he kills someone he puts their body in ice for no apparent reason, we never discover who he is or why he is a psycho killer or even how he manages to keep a job as a mechanic down & the ending which suggest a sequel is baffling, I mean didn't one of the girls make it out alive? Didn't she like tell the police that some psycho killed all her friends? At only 80 minutes long Bikini Girls on Ice still drags badly, nothing & I repeat nothing happens between the killing & once the gimmick of seeing the female cast walking around in bikini's becomes boring there is zero else here to enjoy. There's no plot, there's no explanations, no reasoning & dumb character's you don't care about along with several groan inducing moments like the girls opening the car trunk at the end (how did Moe get inside the trunk, close it & return the keys to the gas station for the girls to find?), why when Moe attacks them don't the girls get back in the car & drive off after they injure him?The gore & kill scenes fail to impress & are pretty poor too, almost all of the murders are Moe hitting someone with something but the way the murders are shot it's filmed from the perspective of the victim so it just looks like Moe is hitting the camera lens & while there's a bit of blood splatter there's nothing graphic here apart from a gory slit throat which gushes blood is the films only proper special effect. Despite the title & obvious exploitation roots there's no real nudity, I think only one girl gets nude while the other's manage to keep their bikini's on. I will say that Bikini Girls on Ice is well made though, it has a certain slick look that isn't going to win any awards for style but looks polished.Filmed in Montréal in Québec in Canada the production values are better than expected but the film still sucks. The acting isn't great, the girls look nice enough but that's the best thing I can say about them.Bikini Girls on Ice has a great sounding title (the sort of title Troma would have dreamed up) but as a film it's the pits, the plot is as bare bones as they come, even for a teen slasher & it's nowhere near exploitative enough with little or no gore & not much in the way of proper nudity either.