Ninja Cheerleaders (2008)

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

The biggest problem with this movie is it’s a little better than you think it might be, which somehow makes it worse. As in, it takes itself a bit too seriously, which makes most of the movie feel kind of dull.

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

When I purchased this movie it was because it was listed as a comedy movie. And hey, a comedy movie with ninjas can't be half bad. But wow, are you kidding me, this movie was just beyond awful.I managed to get 23 minutes into the movie before I gave up out of sheer, pure and unadulterated boredom. Nothing, absolutely nothing, in this movie worked for me on any levels. The acting was poor and wooden. The storyline was ridiculous and just never took hold. And finally, the movie seemed to go nowhere.There was only one thing that surprised me, and that was the fact that George Takei was in this movie. Yet he could not manage to lift up this movie in one bit.From what I managed to see in the 23 minutes, then I have seen enough to know that I will not make a second attempt to finish this movie. It is rare that a movie is so boring that I get up and eject the disc way before the movie has ended - but it happens every now and then.I think this movie might appeal to a young teenage audience, because of the women, the senseless nudity and the less than mediocre fight scenes. But for an adult audience, then "Ninja Cheerleaders" was offering nothing of any noteworthy interest.I am rating "Ninja Cheerleaders" a mere one out of ten stars. And I can honestly say stay well clear of this movie.

Don't see this if you want nudity. Just pointing that out, in case people confuse this for a typical T&A film.Here's what's good about this film - * George Takei is in it; he does nothing special in it, but his presence alone is amusing * The scenes where they talk to the detective are pretty funny * There's a Bladrunner reference near as I can tell; who would have guessed? * They are pretty cute * There's some badly done fight scenes, but acceptableHere's what was not so good - * Some pointless dialog scenes - dialog is not what a movie like this is good at, except in a few places where it is funny; but there's some pretty pointless scenes that aren't funnyIt was mindless entertainment for 90 minutes or so. It wasn't so bad I turned it off. There's worse films :)

You should be honest here. If you come in to check out a flick with the title of "Ninja Cheerleaders", you're most likely expecting hot cheerleaders and sexy ninjas. Not much more. Certainly neither Grammy-worthy acting nor a real plot is required here. You do actually WANT bad jokes, bad acting, ridiculous action, tons of TnA and heavy cheesiness! :-) You've come to the wrong place my friend, Ninja Cheerleaders does not deliver on almost any of these points! In fact, it might surprise you with bad taste.Cheese factor is overwhelmingly great, so no complaints in that department. You will indeed get 3 hot all-in-one chicks karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain nuts. I kid you not when I say all-in-one! They're all super smart as well as the most beautiful women on earth who are made of steel, and on top of that they're also strippers, cheerleaders and A-grade college students. They are the essence of feminist perfection (I guess except for the stripper part, but it links in). Not only one of them is that awesome, but all three of them are MORE awesome than the other. I doubt they can even die! Every single dude in the whole school wants to get in their pants, whether jock or professor! In fact, it seems all the men on earth cannot resist them (except for their sage, wise, calm Japanese mentor and sensei... who also employs them as strippers in his club).Yet, while they're indeed pretty, I didn't seem to be struck by them in the same way the male characters in the movie were. I've seen hotter babes even in real life. Perhaps this whole crazy chemical reaction only happens to the brains of unfortunate males that ran out of luck when they inadvertently happened to be right in front of the killer girls? Poor guys, it must be the spirit of the ninja. So far, so good? Well keep reading.What baffles me is that with such a title and cover, you are targeting an audience of males looking for some goodhearted enjoyment through cheesy action and plenty of TnA. Yet, you never get any nudity from our katana-loving heroines: BOOOO!!! It gets even worse.Did I say "karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain *nuts*"? I meant that literally! There's WAY TOO MUCH testicle-crushing here for any normal dude's enjoyment or (even) comfort! At one point, the girls even threaten to shove a hose up a bad guy's anus to his intestines, while taunting him as to whether the water overflowing his intestines would hurt more or would it be the metal tip of the hose entering him! All this, of course, only happens after one of our protagonists crushes his testicles in her bare hands (even commenting on how cool the crushing of testicles sounds). Nothing gory or really vicious-minded, but definitely a most disheartening picture for a normal man (and foolishly, with such a title, normal men are the targeted audience!).The overly feminist overtones throughout the movie really ridicules the director David Presley. Our heroines explicitly utter things along the lines of "Men think they're superior so I *crush* their reasons to believe so" (with a big smile). Maybe at the time of the making of "Ninja Cheerleaders", Presley had recently undergone surgery below the belt that went really bad, and sought catharsis by making a ball-crushing movie.On a side note, the acting sometimes is surprisingly good! But then again, the audience for such a movie doesn't care about acting! In fact, within a certain style and range, the worse the acting the more we love it.I think this flick will greatly appeal to masochist men as well as feminist lesbians. Good, hot-blooded dudes, you should look elsewhere. The verdict: Good crazy action, heavy cheese factor, super-I-AM-YOUR-GOD-women, HEAPS of blatant feminist overtones, a serious lack of taste for a man simply looking for a fun B-Flick, and perhaps worst of all no real nudity. 2 stars for the cheese factor alone. Voilà!

After somehow managing to sit through "Zombie Strippers" (thanks in no small part to the abundance of untethered breasts and jiggly backsides), I attempted to sit through "Ninja Cheerleaders" today, but just couldn't make it. Yes, I was surprised too. I mean, it had all the basic ingredients of a great film - the three lead girls were even community college cheerleaders by day and strippers and ninjas by night, but alas it was still totally unwatchable. Hmmm, perhaps if they had also been lesbian I might have at least made it to the middle of the movie, but I guess that sort of post-production armchair directing is like wishing more things had blown up in "Lost in Translation" and that there had been some hardcore sex in "Breakfast at Tiffany's". I suppose no movie is ever perfect (as those last two examples clearly indicate).Anyway, I hope my inability to sit through "NC" isn't a sign that I'm now exiting my "prepubescent fascination with anything female and jiggly regardless of how badly written, directed or acted" movie stage. It'd really be a shame since that stage has basically been my defining characteristic up till this point and I'm not sure I'd recognize myself without it. Maybe I should watch "Zombie Strippers" again just to check? ;)