976-EVIL (1989)

Sorry, this movie sucks

I'll tell you why so serious

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

976-EVIL (1988) * 1/2 (out of 4) Hoax (Stephen Geoffreys) is a teen who is constantly being picked on. His older, cooler cousin Spike (Patrick O'Bryan) has gotten involved with a phone number, which is actually a connection to Satantic forces. After being picked on one time too many, Hoax calls the number and soon seeks revenge on those who have tormented him.976-EVIL is best remembered for being directed by Robert Englund but I must say that I really didn't find too much of it to be impressive. There have been all sorts of horror films based around teens being picked on and of course there's the "fun" of seeing them get their revenge. Sadly, there's really nothing fun about this movie and in fact I was pretty shocked at how boring it actually was.The biggest issue with this film is that you have to be patient with it. I was quite patient with it as not much happened for the first twenty-minutes. Then thirty-minutes. And then forty-minutes. Then fifty-minutes. Nothing really happened for more than 50% of the running time and we all eventually run out of patience. I was really shocked because there's not really anything that happens in the movie and once things finally start to pick up its too late as you've already checked out.The direction by Englund has a few clever touches including one sequence in a bathroom that has the camera above the toilets looking down. The performances are actually good with Geoffreys turning in fine work with a somewhat forgettable character. Sandy Dennis steals the film in a more comic bit as Hoax's crazy mother who is a bigger religious nut than Carrie White's mother! 976-EVIL is a pretty boring film that really doesn't have too much going for it. Even the death scenes are rather lame and as far as 80's horror films go, this one here is pretty forgettable.

I guess I have a soft spot, a very small one, for this forgotten film, which was directed by horror icon Robert Englund. I think it's because it came out at the end of the 80's, which is the decade I saw the majority of my horror films, as I consider myself a horror buff. I've seen it listed as either 1988 or 1989, but I don't think I've seen many more horror films since then, as the 80's wrapped up my teen years. An interesting tidbit has star Stephen Geoffreys basically become a gay porn star not long after this film came out, no pun intended. You probably won't recognize anyone else, other than perhaps Sandy Dennis, and maybe Robert Picardo. I thought the premise of the film was fairly original; you call a "horrorscope" number, and you get to speak to the Devil. There's a catch though, if you don't do what "he" says, you get a strange sounding ring on a nearby pay phone(remember them?)and bad stuff may happen to you. Buyer beware! I'll get the bad out of the way; first off, I didn't like how Hoax decided to play a cruel, but deadly joke on Suzie, considering she was very nice to him, and even tried to protect him from bullies. Her death scene was pretty lame, as far as horror standards go. Also, the way the house turned into a foamy ice inside, and the fire effects under the house, were cheesy at best. I did like the creature's make-up for the most part, although the extra large hands and feet could've been done better. I also thought the fish falling from the sky was interesting, and I haven't seen anything like it before or after this film. Mark Dark was a very cool addition, but I wish there was more background on his character. To finish this review, I'll reiterate that this has some late 80's charm to me, and was probably one of the last horror films I saw, at least from what I can recall, as the 80's gave me some really cool horror film memories, and I'll proudly include this film as well.

It is no masterpiece, but it has it's qualities. A little unevenly paced perhaps, but all in all a pretty decent watch. It has a scene with a line that is really cool.. that was memorable. Not that I'll spoil what it is, tho.What I really like about it, and generally like about older horror movies, well, at least from the 80's and 90's, is that todays horror movies are most often about some crazy dude torturing and killing, or ghosts, zombies or vampires, but back in the day, they were about stranger, more absurd things. Like monsters, or entities. Also, I like how some of them really takes off, as in get real crazy. They didn't always have the biggest budget, but they did what they could, with what they had. Yes, it's often campy, but I find it entertaining as hell.The fact that 976-EVIL is directed by Robert Englund (the original Freddy Krueger) makes it kind of worth watching all on it's own. (That's why I watched it)

Wimpy persecuted adolescent nerd Hoax (a sound and sympathetic performance by Stephen Geoffreys) gets connected to a powerful satanic force over the phone that enables him to exact a harsh revenge on all of his tormentors. Director Robert Englund, working from a derivative, but serviceable script by Rhet Topham and Brian Helgeland, relates the engrossing story at a steady pace, creates and sustains a pleasingly spooky atmosphere, delivers a satisfying smattering of splatter, takes time to develop the well-drawn characters in the first half before pulling out the thrilling stops for the more lively and eventful second half, and further spruces things up with a wickedly funny sense of pitch-black humor. The solid acting from the competent cast rates as another substantial asset: Pat O'Bryan makes for an appealingly scruffy punk anti-hero as Hoax's surly cousin Spike, Jim Metzler contributes a likable turn as meddlesome journalist Marty Palmer, Sandy Dennis almost steals the whole show with her marvelously flaky portrayal of Hoax's domineering and overprotective religious kook mother Aunt Lucy, the foxy Lezlie Deane burns up the screen as sassy and sexy bad girl Suzie, and J.J. Cohen jerks it up nicely as mean head bully Marcus. Robert Picardo has a regrettably small, yet sill nifty role as the sinister Mark Dark. Paul Elliot's stylish cinematography gives the picture a gnarly'n'funky garish look. The shivery score by Thomas Chase and Steve Rucker hits the moody'n'brooding spot.The special effects are pretty cheap and shoddy, but overall acceptable. An enormously fun fright flick.