The Roller Blade Seven (1991)

Thanks for the memories!

Nice effects though.

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

A terrific literary drama and character piece that shows how the process of creating art can be seen differently by those doing it and those looking at it from the outside.

For once I'm almost lost for words. This "film" is an incomprehensible mess even for a battle-hardened b-fan like myself. Any adjective I can think to describe this piece is unavoidably followed by an addendum "of the worst kind". Amateurish. Trippy. Inexcusable. I really hope the makers of Roller Blade Seven had fun, because I certainly did not.Reading through the other reviews I feel like preaching to the choir here. Even though some have taken it upon themselves to call this garbage artistic or non-traditional, even revolutionary (judging by their profiles they are true DGJ devotees), there does still exist a line between having your own unique voice in art and falling extremely flat while trying to be "artsy". For the benefit of film as a form of art and entertainment and as a warning to those aspiring to partake in the process of creating films we should call spade a spade here and give the nauseating misuse of stock called Roller Blade Seven the loathing it deserves.Trying to dissect this film is borderline impossible, as everything on both sides of the camera seems to be so irredeemably off. It has no place in a theatre, home collection, and even for a low-budget museum of post-modern art it would be like a bird dropping in a cappuccino. How this hideous miscreant has escaped to be viewable by the public oblivious to the horrors they're about to witness I do not know.Heed the warnings and avoid this mess that unashamedly calls itself a movie at all costs.

Some items of note: A man in a suit jacket (no shirt), top hat, speedo and knee pads is doing tai chi in the middle of the desert when a bad Elvis impersonator shows up and has a nonsensical "conversation" with him.An invisible man (or woman?) plays the banjo to an evil clown wearing pantaloons. You'd think this would be funny, but it's just depressing.Scott Shaw, a very poor man's Nicolas Cage, tries to do Shatner, but comes across more like a kindergartner with a learning disability.Once in a while, you kind of get the sense that something is happening.You can never understand what anyone is saying because it sounds like construction was going on during filming. Except when Scott Shaw talks. Because he says one word every 5 seconds.Half of the movie takes place in the LA Aqueduct. Evil pantaloon clown awkwardly and fecklessly strikes a heavily-armored ninja guy with Nerf bats for a few minutes.It's LARPing on rollerblades.The soundtrack alternates between an off-balance washing machine and the drum tracks on a Hammond organ.The real star of this movie is Allison Chase's backside.All this, and it still manages to seem pretentious.

My house mate and I foolishly purchased the video of 'The Roller Blade Seven' from our local second hand video shop in the hope of finding a bad film to laugh at. This film isn't even laughable, it's pathetically poor, worse even than Jack Frost 2-and that's saying something. The script, acting, production, stunts, sound, sets, everything is absolutely terrible. In some parts the actors haven't even learned their lines and are blatantly ad-libbing or in one case actually having the lines read to them off set and simply repeating them. Set in the post apocalyptic 'Wheel Zone',The film obviously consists of about 45 minutes of film, many parts of which are edited badly or repeated ad nauseum from various different camera angles to make the film longer. This gets tedious very quickly. The plot makes no sense whatsoever (It is apparently an amalgam of two books written by Scott Shaw), there aren't even seven of them, most of them aren't on blades, they're wearing roller boots, and it seems to me that mostly the film has been completely sold on the fact that there's about 3 minutes of female semi-nudity in it. The writer and star Scott Shaw obviously fancies himself somewhat of a Samurai and throughout the film performs some very poor stunts and made up sword fighting moves that look massively amateurish. Despite all this, his website states that the film should never be compared to a traditional film because it really pushes the boundaries of modern film making. My house mate and I were left speechless by the whole ordeal, and despite my frequent attempts to burn the videotape, she has decided it may be some kind of Ring-esquire video curse that needs to be passed on. If you see the video in stores, take it from me! Leave well alone!

This is really a Rock n' Roll Great Film! It is like Fellini on Acid and I love Fellini! I mean, there are so many twists and turns in this film, that it really keeps you guessing. This film is really different than any other action-adventure film I have ever seen, if you can call it an action-adventure. Yeah, it has martial arts and swordplay but this film is really not about that. This film is like somebody went out there, did what ever they wanted to do, and put it on film. As an Art School Geek, this is the kind of film I would like to make if I had the money.This film really has created a new and better genera of film-making and "It Rocks!"