The Cook (2008)

Best movie of this year hands down!

Truly Dreadful Film

Great example of an old-fashioned, pure-at-heart escapist event movie that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not and has boat loads of fun being its own ludicrous self.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Watching this film made me regret the invention of the DVD. I really wish The Cook had been on VHS, because then I could have broken the cassette and used the tape to wipe my ass. It's THAT bad.The story concerns a bunch of skanks who get left behind at their sorority while the other girls go Mexico for the weekend. There are three stoner skanks (Nina Fehren, Noelle Kenney and Justine Marino), a brainy skank with a face full of moles (Makinna Ridgway), a man-hungry skank (Stefanie E. Solano), a Christian skank (Brooke Lenzi), a lesbian skank (Penny Drake) and an aerobics work out skank (Kit Paquin). None of these actresses can actually, you know, act and their characters range from truly detestable to honestly annoying. A substitute cook (Mark Hengst) who speaks no English shows up at their sorority to prepare their meals for the weekend and he proceeds to kill everyone. A bunch of nonsense happens that is either logically or physically impossible and the movie thankfully ends.Words are almost incapable of describing how horrid this film is. The writing sucks. The acting sucks. The direction sucks. The sets suck. It's not exciting. It's not scary. It's not funny. It's not sexy. There are only two things that prevent The Cook from replacing H.P. Lovecraft's Behind the Wall of Sleep as the worst movie I've ever watched.1. There are a couple of scenes where raw meat is chopped up and fondled that are quite disgusting. The scenes are meant to be stomach-churning, so at least these filmmakers did something right.2. While these filmmakers obviously have no talent or skill, they also obviously understand that they're making a piece of stench-ridden cinematic garbage. So, they get a couple of points for self-awareness.One thing about The Cook makes me wonder. There is always something that these sort of no-budget, no-talent, crappy horror movies can have going for them. They can always have plenty of nudity. Even the most abominable work of cinema can find plenty of attractive women willing to take their clothes off for their big "show business break". Yet, despite having 8 reasonably pretty girls in the cast, only 2-and-a-half of them get naked and they are unclothed for a combined total of roughly one single minute. So, this pathetic trash doesn't even have enough gratuitous nudity to titillate a horny teenager.So, while I must still admit The Cook is not the absolute worst thing I've ever seen…it's damn close. It barely qualifies as filmed entertainment and should not be viewed by anyone except death row prisoners because watching it makes execution, whether it results in Hell or oblivion, seem like not that bad an idea.

I appreciate independent films and people trying to make a movie happen and they put their heart and soul into it. This was probably the case here. The story is typical horror Girls being chased by bad guy. The lead was so so she just wasn't grabbing my attention, she should be cast for more for a hallmark film. The other girls were pretty good, the stupid one just had bad lines..Anyways the story, the sets, the gore, the cast, all pretty good The lead (the cook) was intriguing all in all ***The negative was that we never knew why he hated and wanted to kill I would of liked to have seen the cook as a boy being harassed by college girls or seeing his mom die from drunk girls ..you get the picture..Revenge horror flicks are always the best.

The Cook is pretty much what I expected for a low-budget movie – entertaining but not spectacular. Its appeal would be primarily to high school and college males and females. Technically, it was far better than a lot of low-budgets that I've watched. But what detracted from this movie, in my opinion, was casting the girls as relatively unlikeable – either virtual whores or lesbians. How can we be sympathetic with these girls being killed?? The special effects were better than average for a movie of this type, but suspense was mostly lacking after the first girl was slaughtered, cooked, and served. The only suspense was which one would be next and which one(s) would be spared. Oh, and whether the girls would turn on the cook and kill him instead. (Maybe there was more suspense than I thought!) Loved the Lance character....excellent acting without any special dialog! The Cook was also well played but as a director I would have toned down his facial antics just a little. Worth buying - worth watching a 2nd time using slow-mo to watch the killings and the closeups of the kitchen preparations!

I found The Cook to be both enjoyable and boring at various moments through the film. Almost everything was inconsistent. One actor would deliver a memorable performance and the next...would leave something to be desired. Mark Hengst, as the cook, was the highlight of the entire film. He was both humorous and rather frightening at times. He played a cannibal cook pretty well, I thought. Some of the girls were attractive, with some nudity (I know that's one appeal to this film).The dialogue was mediocre...and with three screenwriters you figure they could come up with something better. Cinematography was one minute bland and uninspiring and the next fairly well done. The gore was decent...however, some of it looked particularly fake and amateur.The plot was almost non-existent, even for a slasher film. Essentially, the sorority house gets a new cook and he's, well, not very nice.I would avoid this unless you're particularly bored as you can find better violence, better gore, better nudity, better plot, etc. in many other slasher films. However, I do recognize that The Cook didn't have a large budget, and so the effort is admirable.Mark Hengst carries this film...with a less interesting cook this film would be dismal.