The Crawlers (1991)

The film creates a perfect balance between action and depth of basic needs, in the midst of an infertile atmosphere.

The storyline feels a little thin and moth-eaten in parts but this sequel is plenty of fun.

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

The film may be flawed, but its message is not.

This fatally silly B horror picture is much more of a time waster than even a time killer. Sometimes its glaring incompetence does generate some genuine chuckles, but for the most part this is one movie that even die hard fans of the genre can safely pass by. The acting is terrible even for this sort of thing, the script is pretty blah, the dialogue is lame, and there's a serious lack of thrills from start to finish. The special effects are no more than adequate, although there is *some* good makeup here and there. In the directors' chairs are notorious Joe D'Amato (using his David Hills pseudonym) and Fabrizio Laurenti (here billed as Martin Newlin); the prospective viewer is really better off visiting, or revisiting, D'Amatos' "Buio Omega" instead.Sexy young Josie (Mary Sellers) returns to her rural home town after some time in the big city, in time to get caught up in strange events. It seems that the trees in the nearby forest are contaminated with radioactivity (because, of course, there's a nuclear power plant in the vicinity) and now they've become predatory, with roots that lash out and snare a number of hapless victims. Josie is among the insipid heroes also including her would-be boyfriend, Matt (Jason Saucier), investigative reporter Brian (Patrick Collins), who's the grandson of one of the locals, and drunken scientist Taylor (Bubba Reeves), who realizes early on that there's a danger.Overall, an uninteresting and barely entertaining feature that features what has to be one of the worst acting performances that this viewer has ever seen, by Vince O'Neil as the sheriff. He makes some of his co-stars seem like Olivier by comparison. All of this leads to a very, very absurd finale where the townsfolk band together to do something, although one has to wonder *what* they hope to accomplish. It makes no sense whatsoever. You add to this the extremely overused "It ain't over yet!" final moment and the end result is an inane mess that *should* fade into obscurity.Four out of 10.

So this is the infamous Troll 3. Would you look at that? Nothing's happening! No trolls anywhere to be seen here! That's only one reason why this film SUCKS!It's not one you can watch alone because part of the fun would come from joking about it with someone else. Watching by yourself is just torture! TOR-CHAR!Maybe this movie should have been called "The Living Dead who Refuse to Rot" because the majority of the "actors" talk like zombies! Like the Sheriff character. Oh my goodness! Here's probably one of the worst actors to ever be in a non-porn movie. And I thought the mother in Troll 2 was bad! But he's not the only one! The boss in the power plant and just about everyone here is terrible!Worst line delivery: "Ok, doctor we'll just evacuate the entire country before you can say Jack Robinson". Actually anything said by the sheriff makes you want to kill him. He's amazing in the sense that every single line he says sounds exactly the same!There are no little creatures here, no trolls, no goblins, no nothing. Whoever renamed this movie to "The Crawlers" and removed the "Troll 3" name shows me there is hope for the world after all. Because this movie HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TROLLS!They must've saved a lot of money by using killer roots instead of creatures.Who finances this kind of c**p and why? I can only think that the targeted audience is that of non-english speaking countries where the people are used to dubbing.I bought this (for $3.75) expecting at least the fun I had with Troll 2 because in spite of that movie's long list of shortcomings it had some very funny elements. None of those elements are present in Troll 3. There is however a hysterical scene where the killer roots kill a man in a suit who's chasing the "hero" with a gun. The guy takes forever and a day to die and he screams pathetically through it all.Troll 2 had a little boy and a monster on the video cover, neither of which were in the movie. Troll 3 has a sexy girl on the "Crawlers" cover who, you've guessed it, is nowhere to be seen in the movie.Troll 3 just plain sucks.

Yes you heared right. This is the third and (God help us) final entry into the Troll trilogy. But before I drone on about this film, let's review. Troll: A little girl is possessed by a troll and turns everyone in her apartment into foiliage. Troll 2: A little boy is pursued by GOBLINS! Not trolls. Troll 3 a.k.a. The Crawlers: A small town in Alaska (?!) is being wiped out by killer weeds. Do you notice something? No film has anything to do with the one that preceeded it. In most cases THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH TROLLS! Now on to The Crawlers. It's cheap, it's boring, it's stupid, it's fake, it's out of print (thank God), it's got to go. I have to move on now, I'm far too upset.

They say lightening doesn't strike twice but check out Crawlers. This film is produced by the people who brought you that masterpiece known as Troll 2. Honestly this film doesn't match the pure genius of Troll 2 but it sure comes close. First, check out the Alaskan setting. Everyone knows that Alaska is beautiful and scenic but who knew it was so freaking hot! That Alaskan summer will kill you. At least five characters complain about the ungodly Alaskan heat. Second, the boss at the nuclear power plant might be the greatest actor I've ever seen on film. His tone of voice never changes. Its an amazing feat of line reading and I do mean line reading. This man deserved an award for this performance. No one can be that horrible. I believe its a commentary on the robotic nature of our everyday lives. This man deserves our respect. Third, look out for those flying roots. Tremendous special effects work permeates this film. Check out that helicopter crash. Was that a fisher price model? I do believe it was. And how about the tonka truck bulldozer. I guess they only had enough money to rent the real deal for a very brief time. All in all this film isn't quite as good as Troll 2 but it come pretty close. Watch and learn about the true art of filmmaking.