Guru, the Mad Monk (1970)

A lot of fun.

There is, somehow, an interesting story here, as well as some good acting. There are also some good scenes

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

The film may be flawed, but its message is not.

Father Guru (Neil Flanagan) works at the Lost Souls Church on the island of Mortavia, where prisoners are sent to be tortured or executed. As well as being mad (Guru has heated schizophrenic arguments with himself a la Gollum in The Lord of the Rings), the monk is also thoroughly bad, delighting in the pain and misery of others, selling the prisoners' corpses for medical experiments, and providing human blood to vampire witch Olga (Jaqueline Webb) for use in her potions.When a young woman, Nadja (Judith Israel), is sent to the prison, having been wrongly been found guilty of murdering her infant, head jailer Carl (Paul Lieber), who is in love with the girl, makes a deal with Guru that sees him indebted to the monk for three months.A title screen made from alphabet fridge magnets, numerous anachronistic goofs, performers fumbling their lines but carrying on regardless, woeful gore effects (severed hands and heads courtesy of shop mannequins): Guru, the Mad Monk is par for the course for an Andy Milligan production. Amateurish and inept on almost every level and incredibly boring to boot, it's a real challenge to sit through, even for seasoned fans of z-grade schlock. I rate Guru a pitiful 2/10, the film narrowly avoiding the lowest possible score for featuring a one-eyed hunchback named Igor (so cheesy, it's worth an extra point).

One of the most spectacular period pieces ever made, lavish costumes, at sets, or shall I say set. Beautiful color and sound, a sight to see. 1485 never looked better. Superb acting, and dialog. Neil Flanagan gives an Oscar worth performance as father Guru. Jacqueline Webb as Olga was super evil, it scared the pants off me, and I don't scare easy. I felt bad for Igor, I knew he really did not want to be a bad guy, but he felt father Guru was his only friend, so he listened to everything he said. This film deserves to play at film festivals all over. The late Andy Milligan was a genius. I hope this gets re released with special features including a featurette and commentary.

1480: Cruel, evil, haughty schizophrenic holy man Guru (a deliciously over the top performance by Neil Flanagan) resides on the remote island of Mortavia. Guru gets his sadistic jollies out of killing and maiming thieves, voyeurs, witches and various other sinners. Crazed lesbian vampire lady Olga (the seriously strange Jaqueline Webb) and meek, whimpering one-eyed hunchback Igor (an uproariously geeky turn by Jack Spencer) assist Guru with his heinous misdeeds. Meanwhile, kindly jailer Carl (the extremely fey Paul Lieber) tries to save condemned fair maiden Nadja (pretty blonde Judith Israel) from Guru's foul clutches. Legendary Do-It-Yourself dimestore indie Staten Island schlockmeister Andy Milligan really outdoes himself with this astonishingly awful, yet often amusing and oddly entertaining period Gothic horror atrocity. The drippy'n'droning stock film library score, ratty, ugly, scratched-up cinematography (Andy gleefully indulges in his ghastly penchant for drab static master shots to an appalling degree), the outrageously tasteless plot, ripely hammy eye-rolling histrionic acting from a game no-name cast (many of whom talk with heavy New York accents), cynical misanthropic sensibility, cheesy gore, the hysterical bloodbath conclusion, and the gut-busting abundant anachronisms (one villager is clearly wearing corduroy pants!) all ensure that this spectacularly shoddy swill is absolutely sidesplitting from stinky start to fumbled finish. A positively jaw-dropping celluloid abomination.

I know this movie is bad. I know I shouldn't like it. But there's something about it that holds my attention when it plays. Something in its crude simplicity compels me forward to the end. It happens every time I watch it. I don't know what it is.Guru (odd name for an orthodox priest) is a bit hammy but not overly so. Carl delivers his lines in one of the oddest intonations I've heard. He later appeared as Detective Eric Dorsey, a minor character on the Barney Miller show. Olga, who apparently is a vampire (?), can't seem to speak her lines fast enough. Pay attention or you'll miss 'em! Igor is fun to watch, as is the cute girl (Nadja) in the attic who befriends him.Watch for the modern claw hammer, the modern scissors, the steel bars on the windows, and the prisoner wearing corduroy pants!