Python (2000)

Terrible acting, screenplay and direction.

A Masterpiece!

Very good movie overall, highly recommended. Most of the negative reviews don't have any merit and are all pollitically based. Give this movie a chance at least, and it might give you a different perspective.

Like the great film, it's made with a great deal of visible affection both in front of and behind the camera.

I'm going to be frank here: I just don't get movie science. What possible benefit can there be in trying to create a giant and indestructible killer snake that just for the heck of it can also spit acid? And even if there's a proper use for that sort of thing, would you really try to transport said snake by merely shoving it into a wooden box and putting it on a plane? Didn't anyone notice a tiny flaw in that plan? Anyway, this movie mostly consists of pseudo-clever tongue-in-cheek moments, which all in all is pretty lame. When the makers are in on the joke, making fun of horror movies just isn't that great anymore. Some scenes do manage to be entertaining though, like the decapitation scene and pretty much every bit that involves Robert Englund as the crazed professor. My absolute favorite sequence is the shower attack though, how the hell does that towel stay on? Also the death scenes are hilariously crummy, and the crummyness is so funny that it just has to be unintentional. I can't believe how much these actors suck at pretending they're being attacked, they're about as convincing as UFO footage. I liked parts of this movie, it was better than I expected it to be, but that just says I had very low expectations.

'Tis the season to be eating people! OK, since this was done back in 2000 the season has passed. Let me ask you this, do studio execs get together in their big board rooms collecting around mile-long chippendale tables with $5,000 catering for a power meeting, roll down the overhead and click on the PowerPoint and say, "The hottest thing on the new season's schedule should be 'big, exaggerated things that eat people!'"? Since I don't work for the industry you could drop me a line and clarify this, until then look out for some great potshots and beware of the spoilers! I admit that I had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do on this rainy day and moseyed over to Blockbuster to veg out on whatever that struck my fancy. My friends and I are purveyors of B-movies and bad movies and wear it like a badge, and since we sat through (and laughed at) "Anaconda" and "Lake Placid" (but Betty White's scene was actually pretty good), "Python" has been on my list for a while. First of all "Sixty feet of pure terror!" is a tad off the mark for the 129-foot sickeningly CGI reptile is a typo that I'm certain infuriates everyone around here. Were they that cheap or was the whole crap so under budgeted that Fox couldn't have looked up some outside graphics talent (Centro that did Steven Chow's "Kung Fu Hustle" comes to mind if they wanted to save some money) that the rendering was so unrefined and sloppy? And naturally our wonderful cast did as best as they could since some of these "cult figures" can't live up to the status. It no longer makes me wonder why Jenny McCarthy hasn't been doing anything since her NBC show flatlined. I know she has a kid and is divorced, but didn't her Playboy days finance her enough? She put out a book a couple of years back- didn't do so well, did it Jenny? So I'm glad she was killed off pretty quick. Wil Wheaton, don't bother trying to shed your Wesley Crusher skin, crap like this makes you look more desperate. Go back to Tech TV. And who could forget Marc McClure and Ed Lauter?! The 80s are gone my friends, you will always be Jimmy Olson and Coach Murray Chadwick ("Youngblood" if you don't remember). And it was a very Jimmy Olson move for McClure to actually let the snarling "beast" from its WOODEN PLANK cage loose- Golly Chief! And what the hell happened to you Billy Zabka? Did they make you get that crew cut? Least you weren't a whiny li'l bastard like in "The Equalizer". Stay off the juice (or was Jesus telling you to put on a few pounds to help you w/your career that has been defined by "Sweep the leg"?) but you're still cute pretty boy Johnny- NO MERCY!!! And that Texan from "Will and Grace" was right at home playing the doddering sheriff, so kudos to him! Casper Van Dien, start looking for another line of work. Your Southern drawl sucked (amongst other things) which brings me to my second nitpick: is this supposed to be Ruby, CA or Ruby, FL? The Californians sounded like Floridians (really badly): "Won't burn. Cain't shoot it." That is whenever they REMEMBERED their characters had accents.And lastly, Dana Barron and Robert Englund. Why aren't you two retired? The surviving Dana of "The Three Danas" should think twice about scripts like these, then again it's slim pickins for someone her age. I suppose Robert probably had some debts to pay or took the role as our evil scientist out of sheer boredom. The whole chase scene through dark, pipe-lined tunnels was something I actually expected, I cannot see Zabka and Barron romantically involved, and how the hell does the chick in the shower (yet another original scene) survive the python attack and manage to find a towel at the same time? I think 3 out of 10 is way too merciful, then again I endured "Hyper Sonic" on the late Sunday night movie this summer (Zabka was in top form playing the sheisty executive, however looking healthier). Think I'll go get some Pringles make a pitcher of iced tea and watch the whole thing again. Have fun!

Python certainly isn't art, and it's not gonna win any awards. However, it IS a fun little movie for a night with some soda (or, if you're old enough, beer) and popcorn. The snake changes size many times, (at one point it hides in a garage behind some boxes, but he is then suddenly 15X the length of a car.)and even the marketing is messed up-the cover says it's "sixty feet of pure terror", but the scientist in the movie says it's 128 feet long. The acting isn't the greatest and the CGI is terrible (the snake's "acid" looks like expired Jell-O), but the movie is a good one to watch and let your brain go on autopilot. For B-Movie fans, or people who thought Anaconda didn't have enough stupid jokes, this one is an absolute must-see.

If you want to see a movie that offers intellectual stimulation and great performances watch THE HOURS or CLOSER.If it's Sunday afternoon and you're watching the Sci-Fi Channel wearing headphones because the rest of the family is living normal lives, here's your movie.Get a big mug of iced tea and a box of Wheat Thins. You're going to waste two hours of your life, but have fun doing so.A giant snake terrorizes a small town in California. Some people will be snake snacks but you'll probably be able to hold back the tears.They tried. Lord only knows, the people making this really put forth some effort. The special effects aren't really bad considering that they had so little money to spend.And goodness knows they got more bang for the buck than the producers of bloated mainstream movies like SUPERMAN RETURNS: how they blew $300 million on that I'll never understand.I'm not going to include any spoilers here, but here's a hint on figuring out which characters will or won't survive. The actors whose names you would recognize (Wil Wheaton and Jenny McCarthy come immediately to mind) got paid more per day than the total unknowns. Since the big attraction here is snakes eating people...well, you can figure it out for yourselves.The seven ranking may seem unusually generous. I'll admit that we had cheese tortellini for lunch and strawberry shortcake for dessert. After that meal even a total crapfest like THE English PATIENT would have been enjoyable.