One Million Years B.C. (1967)

Simply Perfect

Overrated

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

Watching it is like watching the spectacle of a class clown at their best: you laugh at their jokes, instigate their defiance, and "ooooh" when they get in trouble.

Raquel Welch literally bursts on the screen, mammaria bulging through her cave girl outfit in this remake of One Million Years BC. This is the film that made her a sex symbol for the Sixties right into the Seventies.This remake of the 1939 classic where Victor Mature and Carole Landis became stars boasts Technicolor and some nice Ray Harryhausen special effects dinosaurs. Of course the fact that dinosaurs were not contemporary with cave men on the evolutionary journey is as irrelevant here as it was in 1939.The plot such as it were follows pretty much along the lines of the 1939 story. Cave man John Richardson from one tribe meets cave girl Raquel Welch from a slightly more advanced tribe and in this prehistoric Romeo and Juliet story, the Montague and Capulet tribes do find some common cause to survive. If they didn't I'm sure we wouldn't be here.Ray Harryhausen monsters and Raquel's bulging mammaria, what's more to want in a film?

"One Million Years B.C." is actually a serious 1966 attempt to depict life in prehistory for cavemen and women. Many reviewers complain that human beings and dinosaurs NEVER occupied the same period in prehistory, but this is merely our best present-day educated guess. Who knows? Twenty years from now we may discover evidence that people existed at the same time as dinosaurs. The fact is that we DON'T KNOW precisely what it was like for people in prehistory and never truly will; all we can do is guess based on the evidence at hand. This movie is simply a serious attempt to show what it may have been like for people IF they lived at the same time as dinosaurs. Capeesh?I said this was a serious depiction, but there are admittedly some humorous aspects. For instance, the mullet-headed blond men of the Shell Tribe and the indoor cave sets straight out of the original Star Trek TV series.Other than that, I can't think of anything bad to say. The location photography from the Canary Islands is awe-inspiring and Ray Harryhausen's dinosaur animation is excellent, holding up very well even to this day; take, for instance, the way the allosaur and, later, t-rex are shown breathing in their dying moments. Needless to say, great attention to detail. The movie even throws in a couple of superimposed iguanas and a tarantula.Oh yeah, most guys understandably rave about Raquel Welch as Loana and her infamous cavegirl bikini, and she is indeed stunning, but -- believe it or not -- there are a few other female castmembers that are more beautiful due to better womanly curves, like Lisa Thomas as the blonde Sura, essentially Loana's sidekick in the Shell Tribe, and Yvonne Horner as the dark-haired Ullah of the Rock Tribe. The statuesque Martine Beswick is also on hand as Nupondi of the Rock Tribe. I must not forget to mention the outstanding musical score; it's very fitting, very primal.Lastly, there's no talking as we understand it; only grunting and primitive lingo. Bottom line: "One Million Years B.C." is enjoyable and highly recommended unless, of course, you have pompous hangups about (supposed) historical chronology.The film runs 100 minutes.GRADE: A-

Don Chaffey directed this prehistoric tale that stars John Richardson as Tumak, who has been banished from his cruel tribe, and now wanders the wasteland, trying to survive, and avoid the occasional dinosaur. He eventually meets the gentle, peace-loving Shell people and falls in love with the tribeswoman Leona(played by Raquel Welch) They decide to strike out on their own, with unforeseen consequences, and a volcanic eruption providing a fiery climax... Ray Harryhausen provides the dinosaur F/X, and does an impressive job as usual. Raquel Welch is stunning of course, and no doubt the primary viewing attraction, though is it silly in itself to point out the innumerable historical mistakes running throughout the picture?

I remember seeing this one in a small first release cinema back in 1967 when it was first released. As the cinema was part of a nation-wide chain owned by 20th Century-Fox, naturally the version screened for an audience of seven (me plus six usherettes) was the 91-minute USA cutdown. Admittedly, screening the British version would have made no difference to the size of the audience. With the sole exceptions of "Fantastic Voyage" (1966) and "Bedazzled" (1967), all the films in which Raquel starred were total write-offs in Australia. Worse, her part in "Fantastic Voyage" could hardly be described as typical; while as for "Bedazzled", her role was little more than a cameo. To say that Miss Welch had no box office appeal in Australia would be the understatement of the year. That's a shame because I always liked her. My favorite of her movies is "Fathom". I also like "Lady in Cement", even though most of the glory here belongs to Frank Sinatra. As for "One Million Years B.C.", I think Miss Welch looks far more appealing in the publicity photos than in the film itself. Also John Richardson struck me as an actor with no charisma. Like him or hate him, you can't say that about Victor Mature who starred in Hal Roach's first version, "One Million B.C.", back in 1940. And for those who groove on special effects, the 1940 film is far more spectacular.