Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)

The Age of Commercialism

Overrated and overhyped

Memorable, crazy movie

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Even when you consider the fact that at the time of this movie's release there was a 3-D craze going on, it's still hard to believe that a major Hollywood movie distributor picked up the distribution rights to this dismal 3-D movie. Where to begin? Well, for starters, the script is terrible. When it is not shamelessly ripping off elements of "Star Wars" and "The Road Warrior", its telling of its particular story feels like it starts at chapter three instead of the very beginning. As well, as the movie progresses, it brings up a number of plot elements that don't make sense even if you read the back of the DVD case as I did. A stronger script would have helped, but the movie would still have suffered in other areas as well. It's painfully clear throughout that the movie had a really low budget, and director Charles Band can't seem to generate any excitement in the action sequences. The only passable element in the entire movie is the musical score by Richard Band - though I feel I should point out that it's only adequate and nothing more, so don't even bother to track down the soundtrack album.

This is about the worst film ever made, with the possible exception of Megaforce. SPOILER: There's no Metalstorm, and Jared-Syn lives!!!!It was originally shown in 3D at theaters, the quality of which gave one headaches for hours afterward.Two questions come to mind w/r/t to the title: One, where in the h*ll is this so-called frickin' metalstorm? Two, when is Jared Syn's "destruction" when he escapes at the very end of the stinking film? Definite MST3K fodder, if MST3K had lasted long enough to work it's way down to this egregious infliction of deep hurting.

This was originally shown in theaters in 3D. On the VHS tape I saw the picture is very fuzzy, and the movie stinks to boot. In the future a couple of mercenaries go looking for Jared Syn. They go into "forbidden territory" and are attacked by Richard Moll and his band of misfits. It looks like a "Road Warrior" type film. Probably was more fun in 3D. How Charles Band was able to convince Universal Studios to make this crud is baffling, but then Universal was a shaky studio in the early 80s. Consider this was the same studio that made ET one year earlier. Baffling. I even remember when this came out on video most video stores would only have one copy of it (not a good sign in 1983). Nothing to recommend.

Potential Spoilers:From the incomprehensible beginning message Dogen receives to the one-expression stare-tastic performance by Byron, this movie is unmatched. Throw in a bit of Richard Moll (see "Dungeonmaster") and you have a recipe for unparalleled B-movie ecstasy.The premise that Jared-Syn will be destroyed (as evidenced by the title of the film) is never realized. Byron (as Dogen) puts up an interesting ante for facially still, gaze-oriented actors, and manages to make it fun to watch. The plot is sometimes convoluted, and contrived, but isn't that what makes this kind of movie entertaining?This is one of Band's more valiant efforts. It uses effects, sure; it uses typical Road Warrior-esque poorly rendered vehicle fight montages, yes; but it also captures something timeless in its utter embracing of what it is. Nothing is resolved. Jared-Syn still lives. Dogen stares. Band is king.