Light Gradient (2009)

To me, this movie is perfection.

The Worst Film Ever

best movie i've ever seen.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

This review contains **Spoilers** and the reason is because I came here after watching the movie to see what others thought about it. It's quite confusing at the end...because it's unexpected. Some of the reviews are hilarious, others reflect the viewers' confusion. As soon as it ended...I had a theory, and I don't see any other theories like it - so this is my way of documenting that. Two things I would suggest...1) At the end go back and watch the beginning and 2) listen to the story of the fox & the hare at the beginning...and then go back to the end (again) to listen to its continuation. Some people said the fox was trying to convince the hare to go on an adventure...and we assume the fox is the bad guy...but I think the hare is the tricky one here...firstly, the hare asks the fox to be friends...that's immediately suspicious. And all of the things that the hare agrees to...are not in the hare's nature - so this is a deceptive hare (or a self-deceived hare). Secondly...someone was wondering which boy was the fox and which was the hare...I think it's obvious. Johann (dark hair) is the hare. As the narrator pans to him at the end...he references the hare - and he references the questions they (alluding to the doctors) were asking the hare...as doctors ask Johann questions...why were you in the forest? Was there anyone with you? (was he there alone...?) Why the ropes? Then at the end the hare asks the fox...why did you leave me alone...and the fox says, I thought it was YOUR idea. Going back to the beginning...when he was trying to remember whose idea going into the forest was...Robin's or Johann's...and he couldn't remember well whose idea it was.So this is my theory. There is no Robin...there is no Fox. 1) This movie opens up and ends with Johann being in a mental institution (one where he's being a 2-way mirror...where he can be observed by doctors) - so we know he has some mental challenges. I believe that this entire story happened in his head. This is why he can't remember who came up with the idea...was it him? was it robin? - Robin is a hallucination in his mind. And it's also why, at the end, he asks the fox...why did you leave me alone? "I thought it was your idea" he said to the hare. The hare orchestrated it. 2) I think that's why he was acting so strangely, at the end...he was beginning to suspect something was wrong...and he set up a trap, with ropes. We don't see the other guys face in the trap...we can only see him - he trapped himself. 3) I have another theory, in addition to the first, that Henri, the lady's son, was actually Johann...and he was having flashbacks of his childhood. He was jealous of Robin's interaction with the boy...but it was himself...as a child, before he came out. He began reading the book - and there were letters in it...and the letters made him suspicious of who was behind all of this...so he began acting strangely, went back into the woods, & set up a trap and trapped himself. Also remember when they found the farmhouse and the boys mention the bikes disappear in the middle of the woods...Henri has a look on his face - he knows what happened to the bikes...because Henri is Johann...and all of this is happening in Johann's mind.

****** POSSIBLE SPOILERS ********** But wait! You can't spoil a movie that has nothing to spoil!I'm a fan of indie films and foreign films, but I'll be the first to admit, I've seen a lot more bad ones than good ones. So as an expert on bad movies, let me tell you, this one is terrible. What happens in it? Maybe something, but whatever the hell it is, it happens off-screen. There's a lead-up to the point when the something may or may not have happened (i.e., the whole, drawn-out, insufferably boring movie), and an epilogue in which a character mumbles something about a fox and a hare in a hospital.But what happens? Well, there's a flash of ropes, and a struggle and darkness, and.... well that's it.I'm not exaggerating. That's the movie. the lead-up is lyrical... a prologue about a fox and a hare... then lots and lots of bicycle riding in the woods. Bicycling riding on abandoned runways. Sun shining through the trees as they ride bikes through the woods. S&M in the woods, robbing sandwiches from other bike riders in the woods. Outdoor showers with a garden hose, skinny-dipping on a pier, and then the thing that possibly happens, and then the epilogue.At least "The Singing Forest," in my mind the worst movie ever made, *tried* to tell a story. This one doesn't even try.So this is how to torture Hitler in hell. Strap der Führer into a chair, with his eyes pried open a la Alex in A Clockwork Orange, and force him to watch the "Light Gradient" over and over... But, every time it finishes, pause to beat him and shout "Achtung! Explain it to me, Herr Hitler! I know you understand what happened! Now talk!" Beat him for five more minutes, say "Vee haff vays to make you talk" and play the loop again.Hmm. Maybe even he doesn't deserve that.

I'm not sure it counts as a spoiler, since I couldn't figure out the ending.This film seemed to go nowhere, slowly and randomly. Two gay boyfriends (together two months) go on a biking trip together, and encounter mishaps and some friction. They take refuge in a farmhouse with a 40ish woman who seems to fixate on gay men (like her vanished husband) and her teenage son who is typically rather bored and boring, not especially interested in things gay, and not believable as a threat to the two lovers. There's a loose sense of foreboding, but since all the characters seem bored or moody, there is little in the way of clues to piece together a plot. There are a lot of indulgent scenic shots which slow down the action, rather than adding momentum towards a denouement that when arrived at, I still found confusing. The side story about a disappearance in the 18th century seems like it could be a clue to the action, but I couldn't see how it fit. Ditto the psychoactive berries, which add confusion rather than clarity and makes an attempted thriller less thrilling and more confusing in the end.

Light Gradient refers to the gradual slope of a bike path the boys take through a German forest. By gradual I mean slow. Entire scenes tend to go by of light bouncing off trees, water trickling down streams. Comparisons could be made with Summers Storm in the use of half naked young German men out in the open. However this movie has a very scant cast. Mostly 2 main characters, with 2 more joining later. This is not a coming out movie. All characters are extremely comfortable with their sexuality and I think this is a wonderful portrayal of owning ones sexuality.However the slowness of the movie will be its downfall. Occasional spurts of naked frivolity break up the trance like pace. The many close ups of Johan are not unwelcome. Overall it makes for a visual feast. The story line, however, is not compelling, just a little puzzling.