Storm Warning (2007)

Thanks for the memories!

Slow pace in the most part of the movie.

A story that's too fascinating to pass by...

The acting in this movie is really good.

I picked this up for three bucks, then 50 percent off at the why-are-they-still-in-business FYE store in the mall.I was ripped the hƏll off nonetheless, and here's why.This entire movie is a lie. The box, the cover, indeed the premise of this diaper-rash of a movie, promise a picture of gory suspense unlike anything you've ever seen.But you've seen everything here, better, everywhere else. Including Chuck E. Cheese's.There's nothing at all new here, except the Australian accents and the baby kangaroo that gets its head chopped off by a naked hottie in a bath towel.Now, friends, you'd expect that to be the money, here. You'd expect the filmmakers to be pitching this movie to their investors with the promise, "A naked hottie cuts a m'thr f'kn baby kangaroo's head off. Then she inserts a jagged piece of metal into her hello-there so the psychopath she knows is going to r@pe her gets his Mr. Winky all bloody shred up. And ha-ha, that's the end!"And you, the angel investor, would be throwing your grandma's inheritance at them and singin', "Hoo-ray for Hollywood!"Good luck seeing a return on that investment, friends, because this is the most boring, predictable, bloodless, soulless piece of uninteresting nothing you'll ever have the unfortunate opportunity to experience, disguised as envelope-pushing indie horror filmmaking."Dumbo" is more disturbing than this.These filmmakers have achieved the nearly impossible feat of making rape, torture, violence, suspense, poetic justice and b-movie gore, altogether, as boring and uninteresting as an episode of "The McLaughlin Group."Hey, movie-loving friends... You see this movie for a buck-and-a-half at the FYE at the mall, you let it be. Spend those six quarters on a Starbucks or an Orange Julius or a Redbox rental. Or heroin.Yes, heroin is better than this movie.

Rob (Robert Taylor), an Australian barrister, and Pia (Nadia Fares), his smoking hot French wife, go on a boating and fishing excursion. They run into some rough weather, and after making it to land (they're now on French Island), finally find some shelter in the form of a remote shack. Little do they know how much trouble they've just bought themselves: the shack is home to lunatic marijuana growers. Jimmy (David Lyons) and Brett (Mathew Wilkinson) are the dutiful sons, Poppy (John Brumpton) is the sleazy dad. (This lovely family unit also has a bloodthirsty dog named Honky.) They proceed to mock and terrorize Rob and Pia until she finally decides that she's had enough and proceeds to fight back.There's nothing here that's really original - even the device of having Pia being the stronger one in this married couple - but director / composer / co-editor Jamie Blanks gives this extremely visceral and rousing movie the kind of visual punch that it needs. The atmosphere is excellent, as the wind and rain machines work overtime. The many shots of Australia's countryside are breathtaking. Although things start out rather slowly, the scenario eventually gets pumped full of blood and gore.The charismatic, creepy Lyons and Wilkinson are superb as the uncivilized hicks, and Brumpton is just chilling as dear old dad. The sexy Fares becomes quite appealing when she shifts into ass kicking mode. Her Rube Goldberg type device of dispatching one of the brothers is priceless. Clearly they underestimate her right from the start! They treat her and Rob with contempt, addressing her as "Oui Oui" and him as "Volvo" (after he's told them what kind of car he drives).Slick, fast paced (once it kicks into gear), and rousing, "Storm Warning" is fine entertainment of its type. And it ends in very matter of fact style, not bothering with an epilogue. For the most part, it's not exactly memorable, but it shows the viewer a good time and wraps up in a trim 86 minutes.Seven out of 10.

Really, good movie and horror, and by horror I mean gore too. Yes, horror means gore. You got to look up the definition one of these times people. I am sick of people saying horror means scary. That is not all it means. Horror is disturbing, and by disturbing means gore. You can't just be disturbed without it, unless you think PG-13 so called horror is disturbing. To me it isn't, and is not even scary. I do not considered the PG-13 ones even horror since they are so tamed, they are boring.This movie reminds me of The Last House on the Left.I see the spoiler warning, but where is the mandatory votes? The rating system here is messed up, because people do not vote at all. That should of been done first not the spoiler. Oh well, guess the votes are going to stay way off.I have said this multiple times in my reviews, and the reviews are approved, but they continue to ignore the mandatory voting should be there on reviews. As long as this site has been up, mandatory voting should be here.Interesting movie with a couple going fishing and storm starts up and they go and get lost in brush, and stuck on a island where no where to go and thunderstorms are starting. So they go to find shelter at a farm assuming no one lives there, and finally realize some people actually do. Turns ugly when these people are rednecks, and only thing on their mind is rape, torture, and murder.

Wimpy lawyer Rob (affable Robert Taylor) and his resourceful French artist wife Pia (a winningly spunky portrayal by the gorgeous Nadia Fares) are a young couple who are forced to land their sailboat on a remote island due to a storm. The duo run afoul of a vicious family of crude hicks that reside on said island. Director Jamie Blanks relates the gripping story at a brisk pace, maintains a hard gritty tone throughout, and adeptly builds plenty of raw'n'rattling go-for-the-throat suspense that escalates to a nerve-frying fever pitch in the harsh'n'harrowing last third. Everett De Roche's tight script neatly explores the vehement disdain that boorish rural lower class folks feel towards affluent and arrogant upper class yuppies from the city. Taylor and Fares make for appealing leads. David Lyons as the sadistic Jimmy, Matthew Wilkinson as the simian Brett, and especially John Bumpton as fearsome and glowering brute patriarch Poppy register strongly as frighteningly convincing redneck psycho degenerates. The startling outbursts of savage, gruesome, and often perversely inventive violence pack a ferocious punch to the gut. The pulsating score by Blanks hits the heart-racing spot. Karl von Moller's sumptuous widescreen cinematography offers lots of breathtaking shots of the beautiful ocean and sprawling countryside. The terse 84 minute running time ensures that this movie never becomes tedious or overstays its welcome. A worthy shocker.