Rock Monster (2008)

Memorable, crazy movie

Good concept, poorly executed.

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

It’s not bad or unwatchable but despite the amplitude of the spectacle, the end result is underwhelming.

How do I describe this movie, that so many have so eloquently and poignantly done so, preceding me, using several syllable words, that I think only deserves singles? Like "Barf.Plot is thinner than steam-on-a-window and the CGI is just bloody awful. (Anyone remember Alien where you didn't really get to see the monster? How'd it ever sell? Try the original Cat People for a real thrill...) How did this crap get made? It's right up there with other lame one in the Iraqi desert with the Chicotay begging for scraps after his gig was over in outer space, which I believe ran the night before on Space.Oh, yeah, probably my Canadian tax dollars, hard at work! Herk

Young Chad Collins and his college buds are off in the Balkans, presumably Bulgaria which is where Rock Monster was filmed to check out a piece of real estate that he inherited. Chad finds a sword deeply embedded in a rock, his friends try to pull it out, but all they pull is muscles. Chad however like young King Arthur pulls it from the stone.When the group arrives at the local town, the natives aren't exactly open and welcoming, but they become downright unfriendly when they catch sight of the sword. King Arthur never got greeted like this, but David Figlioli one of the crowd offers to get them out of town and at least to Chad's new property.Figlioli is one of those characters who you know from the beginning is going to be one sinister dude. That he is, in fact he's set this whole thing up. Chad pulling the sword from the stone was like someone removing a stake from Dracula's corpse. An ancient wizard that Figlioli is descended from is that Rock Monster and a guy made of stone is hard to kill.Even all kinds of modern weaponry that retired Red Army officer Jon Polito supplies only slows the thing down a bit. It feasts on blood and that town is a banquet.You've got to love films like this where actors like Figlioli and Polito get to ham it up outrageously. Even Alicia Lagano one of Collins's friends gets her cut of the pig with her tank girl impersonation. Rock Monster is kind of silly all around, but the cast knows it and is not taking it all too seriously.

If you are thinking about watching this film then I recommend that you don't waste your time. The plot is unoriginal and predictable, just a load of ideas stolen from different films jumbled up together to create this. Its cheesy to the extreme, some of the lines actually made me wince they were so bad. The acting was okay, the lead character Jason was the best out of the lot in my opinion but the script was so poor that it made him look crap. He's the only reason this review gets 2 stars.One of the things that really got to me was the accents. What was up with that? The British guy, Warren, was so horrible that I felt relieved when he was finally and predictably killed off. I first thought he was French, then there was the typical Queen's English that obviously everyone in Britain uses, then he sounded eastern European. Rubbish. It also surprised me that in a tiny remote village (that buses only travel to once a week) they were all able to speak such good English. I mean, Cassandra sounded American she was that good. So, yeah. Thought it was terrible :)

The Plot: While going about ordinary outdoor/sports-related activities, a young man/the lead character encounters a monster that kills people, and he must defeat it to survive. To achieve this task, he convinces the local town's people to help him. A young woman also helps him and they develop a sweet little romance in the course of vanquishing the monster.This plot description for ROCK MONSTER also applies to several other Sci-Fi 'original' movies such as OGRE, BEYOND LOCH NESS, and ICE SPIDERS. In other words, none of these movies produced for the Sci-Fi channel are that original; they're formulaic.These are G or at most PG type movies. There is not much if any blood/gore, a very innocent romance (no skin/not even kissing), and a monster that looks like some cheap plastic creature you'd find in a happy meal from a fast food restaurant.Although there isn't much substance to these movies, they also aren't the worst movies out there --- that's not an endorsement, just a statement of fact. Here, the visual and audio departments are competent; you can both see and hear these movies. And, for the most part the acting is fair enough. Finally, the movie does have a story line even though it goes in a predictable linear direction.Some Sci-Fi 'original' movies like KAW or BATS: HUMAN HARVEST are slightly better (4 on a scale of 10) because the monster/threat is more believable. But, again, the plots tend to be borrowed, predictable and the hero always seems to defeat the monster, albeit with that final gimmick that leaves the question: is it really over?