Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (1999)

Very very predictable, including the post credit scene !!!

Absolutely the worst movie.

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

This is a must-see and one of the best documentaries - and films - of this year.

The diastrous Witchcraft franchise gets picked up by the Brits, but can they turn this embarassing series around? Hell no.The english studio makes the same mistakes. Excess t&a, messy sfx, nonsensical plot and laughable acting.Thankfully Willy warlock is left back in the US but we do have one of the regular agents cross the pond.Warlocks, vampires, witches and stupidity. Yes folks this really is part ten!The Good:NopeThe Bad:Poor sound balancingEmily Booth really is a terrible actressDreadful castThings I Learnt From This Movie:Stakes pierce hearts but not clothesThis franchise doesn't know when to die

WITCHCRAFT X: MISTRESS OF THE CRAFT is another in the series with the twist that this is a British indie feature rather than American. Scream queen Stephanie Beaton plays the main cop role in the interests of continuity, but what's immediately apparent is just how appallingly bad this shot-on-video production is. Brit scream queens Eileen Daly and Emily Booth have small roles as overacting witches (complete with fake plastic fangs for some reason) while the mundane plot plods and muddles its way through the grimy streets of London. The wooden acting from the non-performers is criminally bad and the film is surprisingly tame despite hinting at nudity and bloodshed throughout. It's dated in the worst '90s way and criminally overbearing.

Sean Harry gives a stellar performance in what is a truly wonderful pile of poo. Witness his constant right hand turns around London! Gasp in awe at the amazing Y-fronts! Fear him as he points that plastic pistol! See the spectacle of the stiletto staking! Snigger at those floating silicon mountains! Get some cheese to go with that ham!Pausing the film so you can go laugh your ass off is only one of many ways to watch it. Watch it while drunk, stoned, shagging, with friends, with a goat, with duct-tape, with alcopops, while being a little teapot, while running a convention, while hitting on women, while being hit on by men, while getting a haircut, while wondering why you have this film in the first place.Don't buy this movie, but do watch it for the sheer entertainment value. Higher 'Ick!' factor than any gory horror movie, more ham'n'cheese than a really big sandwich, Sean Harry delivers it all. And some decent conventions on top.Love'n'hugs Sean, T&L :)

This ultra low budget continuation of the "Witchcraft" series deals pretty much with 'babe-ish' lesbian vampires and a silly super woman from another dimension/time who battles them in modern day London. One thing: don't blame the actors too much. The script was the most wretched amateurish thing ever put to paper.Caution: Possible SPOILERS! ahead ....Despite it's incredibly low budget and really bad production values there are items which are so bad, they are good!(1) The police detective who is so fat, his tie only goes halfway down his chest. (2) The 1 second delay in Synchronization for the sound effects during the fight scenes. (3) the British "Police station" that looks suspiciously like someone's apartment building. (4) the supposed police (curiously lacking uniforms) who scream in terror when hot looking chicks approach them (the vampire attack comes seconds later, but still, what guy gets terrified by hot babes wanting to feel them up?). (5) the classic line "They won't do anything ... we got guns" when two stupid cops try to cuff the female vampires, who are then immediately killed by the female vampires. The list goes on and on.If MST3K showed soft-core Vampire flicks, this would be a perfect showcase!